Dear Narcissist Problems, "Curious"

Dear Narcissist Problems,
I understand that this group normally focuses on personality disorders on an individual basis but I was wondering if you could explain to me if gaslighting ever happens in other situations. Can a person experience gaslighting in places other than in their own homes and personal relationships?
Sincerely,
"Curious"
Dear "Curious",
You have asked a great question and the answer is a capital YES!! It is important to know the red flags of abuse so that you can use your critical thinking skills in other areas of life as well. One such example of gaslighting on a grand scale can be observed on a daily basis when the public is informed about what is good for them and then new prescriptions or healthcare treatments are suggested. Sometimes the treatments are created as a prevention to disease but in reality the treatments are either not effective or they cause injury. When an injured party questions the treatment they are then led to believe they are crazy by their doctors and the government or labeled a conspiracy theorist in order to thwart further questioning. This practice actually leaves a major portion of the population scratching their own heads wondering if they are crazy for doubting people in such noble professions as healthcare and government. Love Triangle: Not-for-Profits, For- Profits, and Government.
Corruption in the American government is becoming painfully obvious when researching Not-for-profit and For-Profit organizations and the roles these institutions play in policy making. In recent years, the unethical practices that have merged as the result of large corporations investing in Not-For-Profit organizations which play key roles in that result in public policy is unethical and should be banned from practice. The results of these unethical practices can be felt not only in the United States but worldwide. The relationship between a government agency, a foundation, and a pharmaceutical company has led to a crisis in the global healthcare system which is resulting in the harm of citizens around the world. When it comes to something as important as a person’s body and health an extreme amount of caution should be taken in order to avoid corruption in this configuration. As most people who watch television are aware, there is a growing epidemic of bad drugs being passed off onto the American public. While there are agencies and laws that are put into place to ensure the safety of pharmaceuticals these policies are being circumvented because of the relationship that has been established between pharmaceutical companies, the foundations that produce the results of research, and the governmental agencies put into place to ensure the safety of products made available to the public. The public relies on the government to ensure its safety and best interest. However, the public’s best interest is being jeopardized due to greed and corruption. A closer look needs to be taken into the love triangle which has merged between the CDC, The CDC Foundation, and the pharmaceutical company known as MERCK in the United States but MRK in other countries. The CDC Foundation was created as an extension of the CDC in order to get private funding for research as a means to improve public health. The problem occurs when a company such as Merck donates private funding towards The CDC Foundation in order to have its product passed for safety and put on the market to the general public. This relationship, in itself, creates a conflict of interest and should be banned from practice. The relationship established between the CDC, The CDC foundation, and Merck pharmaceuticals is not in the best interest of the American public because it is putting lives in jeopardy for a profit.
In order to understand the dynamics at play when discussing the conflict of interest the partnership between The CDC Foundation and Merck pharmaceuticals creates it is necessary to include the governmental agency the CDC into the equation. The CDC, Center for Disease Control, was founded in the 1940’s with the main goal of eradicating malaria. Since its inception it has become one of the leading agencies in the world to focus on human health globally by researching diseases and ways to effectively control and prevent them. The agency receives its funding from tax payers and its mission statement taken from the official CDC website is as follows:
“…to protect America from health, safety and security threats, both foreign and in the U.S. Whether diseases start at home or abroad, are chronic or acute, curable or preventable, human error or deliberate attack, CDC fights disease and supports communities and citizens to do the same.” (Mission, Role and Pledge 2014).
The CDC was put into place to conduct research that would make American citizens healthier, safer, and provide inexpensive treatments to the general population and funding to obtain this goal is generated by the American taxpayer who entrusts this agency to act in its best interest. Moreover, the “CDC conducts critical science and provides health information that protects our nation against expensive and dangerous health threats, and responds when these arise.” (Mission, Role and Pledge 2014).
According to the mission statement the goal of this agency is to protect Americans from disease, conduct research, and establish treatment for disease. The research gained from studies and experiments is then analyzed and implemented into practice by creating laws and policy. The CDC’s role is to spread awareness of disease while simultaneously eradicating them. One role that needs to be examined further here is the accuracy and honesty of the statement that the CDC is “Tackling the biggest health problems causing death and disability for Americans.” (Mission, Role and Pledge 2014). After examining the relationship established between the business triangle that was created by the CDC, The CDC Foundation, and Merck pharmaceuticals it becomes painfully obvious that the American people have been duped out of Billions of tax dollars and their health. The pledge made by this agency to “Be a diligent steward of the funds entrusted to our agency, Provide an environment for intellectual and personal growth and integrity, Base all public health decisions on the highest quality scientific data that is derived openly and objectively, Place the benefits to society above the benefits to our institution, Treat all persons with dignity, honesty, and respect” (Mission, Role and Pledge 2014). It can be found after examining the connections between this agency and the Not-for-Profit and For-Profit organizations that the above statements are untrue. This agency has placed the American public and society at risk because their public health decisions are based on scientific data that is not derived openly or objectively because the research this agency relies on is being gathered from a Not-for-profit that is funded by an organization with a special interest in the outcome of the research that is conducted.
The CDC Foundation was “Established by Congress as an independent, nonprofit organization, the CDC Foundation connects the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) with private-sector organizations and individuals to build public health programs that make our world healthier and safer.” (CDC Foundation 2015). This foundation was founded in 1995 as a means to gain funding for medical research. According to the foundation website “the CDC Foundation has provided $450 million to support CDC's work” (CDC Foundation 2015). The intention of this established nonprofit organization seems rather altruistic until one takes a closer look at the research provided by the foundation that has been faulty and led to injury and/or death. On any given day the public can see the outcome of this faulty research in a single hour of watching television. Every other commercial seems to be either about a new drug with a slew of bad side effects or an advertisement for a personal injury lawyer who is bringing a class action lawsuit against a pharmaceutical company for a bad drug. This contradicts the mission statement of both the CDC and the CDC foundation. With the use of bad drugs the American public and the world are not safer or healthier. In fact, the opposite is true and this is due to a special interest taking part in the outcome of medical research in order to gain a profit. “Established by Congress, the CDC Foundation helps the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention do more, faster, by forging effective partnerships between CDC and corporations, foundations, organizations and individuals to fight threats to health and safety. The CDC Foundation is a 501(c)(3) public charity.” (CDC Foundation 2015). This is an absurdly unethical relationship and there are laws in place to prevent the mingling of government agencies with corporations for a very good reason. When corporations influence government agencies it results in corruption and unethical business practices.
Listed on the CDC Foundations website as a reason for its inception is that “: “As a private 501(c)(3) public charity, the CDC Foundation receives charitable contributions and philanthropic grants from individuals, foundations, corporations, universities, NGOs and other organizations to advance the work of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Unlike many large foundations, the CDC Foundation does not have a large endowment to support our activities.” (CDC Foundation 2015). An interesting fact that emerges when researching the funding and the sources of funding for each agency and organization is the massive amount of money generated towards research and healthcare implementation plus the costs of the end product, the medicine, treatments, and services. The mission statement of the CDC becomes contradicted when it was written that one of their goals was to eliminate expensive healthcare treatments in the first place. It seems the American and global public have found themselves in the greatest Ponzi scheme of all time. In this scheme the American public is being hoodwinked out of an enormous amount of cash. “The president’s fiscal year (FY) 2014 budget request for CDC is $6.6 billion, a decrease of 270 million from FY 2012. This funding level includes $755 million from the Affordable Care Act’s Prevention and Public Health Fund (PPHF) and $618 million in Public Health Service (PHS) evaluation funds.”(CDC Budget Request 2014). The summary then goes on to summarize the services the funding went to provide. The amount of money generated annually by the American people alone should be enough to eradicate and/or prevent every disease mankind has ever encountered. A contradiction may have been created when the value statement of the CDC is “saving lives, protecting people from health threats, and saving money through prevention.” Because it seems as if the cost of prevention may far outweigh the actual cost of disease, illness, or death (CDC 2015). The CDC and The CDC Foundation are both headquartered in Atlanta. Further, since the CDC Foundation is a public charity it is tax exempt. The obstacles faced by both companies would be a cut in funding. According to one article;
“By every measure our nation is dramatically better prepared for public health threats than we were a decade ago. However, ongoing reductions in public health preparedness and response investments are impacting the national public health infrastructure that prepares for and responds to routine public health threats in addition to terrorist threats, novel infectious diseases, natural disasters, and biological, chemical and nuclear emergencies. Even though funding cuts have been made, CDC still has the responsibility to get the job done and protect the American people from public health threats.” (Frantz 2015).
It seems that this foundation has not yet seen a crisis because of the ignorance among American and global citizens to implement all of the suggestions made by the research generated with the billions of dollars in funding. It is becoming apparent that the main goal of the human race is obviously to achieve immortality with all of this disease prevention and eradication. Its good business practice to be in a field where you study disease or disaster. A fear of death and a combination of public trust and ignorance seems to keep this organizations doors open.
An ethical dilemma that these organizations face is producing research that results in the wide spread use of pharmaceuticals that are injuring and/or killing millions of people worldwide. The legal repercussions for the most part would be the fear of a lawsuit as the result of research passed by a bad drug. An interesting fact to note is a law that was passed 9 years before the creation of the CDC foundation which has determined that “No Vaccine manufacturer, physician, or health facility may be designated a defendant in the proceeding, and there is no determination of legal fault or responsibility for injury”. (The National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program, page 258 para. 1, 1992). Shortly after this law was passed The CDC Foundation came into creation and the American people were left with little recourse if injured by a vaccine. In order for the injured party to get justice they would need to suffer an injury that is already documented with the Vaccine Injury Compensation program. A problem arises when the corruption becomes so out of control that faulty research is provided making vaccine related injuries that are not documented almost impossible to bring the pharmaceutical company to court where they can be held accountable.
The For-profit organization to be examined in this report is that of Merck Pharmaceuticals. The area of interest of this company is “As a global healthcare company, Merck believes it has an important role and responsibility in improving access to medicines, vaccines and quality healthcare worldwide, thereby helping to reduce the burden of disease in the parts of the world that need it most.” (Merck 2015). Merck is headquartered in Kenilworth, NJ but has locations based worldwide with a total of 700,000 employees located in over 50 countries. According to the official Merck website “Our product offering categories include heart and respiratory health, infectious diseases and women's health. We continue to focus our research on conditions that affect millions of people around the world - diseases like Alzheimer's, diabetes and cancer - while expanding our strengths in areas like vaccines and biologics.” (Merck 2015). The goal and mission statements involve providing increased access to healthcare globally by contributing to medical research and disease prevention. They are in the trade of pharmaceuticals and vaccines and had a revenue of over 42 billion dollars, and a net profit of 9.4 billion dollars, in 2014 alone. The United States is currently their biggest customer by contributing over 17 billion of the 42 billion dollar gain. Merck pharmaceuticals has built this medicinal empire by providing services to governments and its citizens globally so has a very special interest in the research that is conducted to pass their products for public use as can be highlighted in their official statement that “ Merck is committed to participating constructively in the political process. Government proposals to regulate the health care system may directly affect the Company's business and incentives for pharmaceutical innovation. Also, there are important policy initiatives that can further the company's goals with respect to increasing patient access to medicines and vaccines, and most importantly, to health care insurance coverage. It is appropriate for the Company to help inform the debate on these issues in the United States and in other countries.”(Merck 2015). It is very clear in this statement that the purpose of Merck pharmaceuticals is to manipulate governments, legislation, and policy as a means to gain a profit. Most people assume that this would be done ethically but as most are finding out this is not the case.
In a publication by Harvard School of Public health a study was conducted to examine the relationship between Merck Pharmaceuticals and the creation of public policy that results from this relationship. The study was focused on the new vaccine Gardasil being put into use and the authors found that “Merck promoted school-entry mandate legislation by serving as an information resource, lobbying legislators, drafting legislation, mobilizing female legislators and physician organizations, conducting consumer marketing campaigns, and filling gaps in access to the vaccine.” (Mello, Abiola, & Colgrove, 2012). While trying to get their vaccination passed into public use this pharmaceutical company focused its campaign by targeting leaders of healthcare and legislation. The study also found that “Legislators relied heavily on Merck for scientific information. Most stakeholders found lobbying by vaccine manufacturers acceptable in principle, but perceived that Merck had acted too aggressively and non -transparently in this case.” (Mello, Abiola, & Colgrove, 2012). In other words, this company paid policy makers and also provided its own research which may have been faulty as a means for financial gain.
The ethical dilemma this company faces is practicing evil deeds under the guise of helping and saving all of humanity. This company is responsible for injury humans globally with research, drugs, and vaccines but is only punished with a slap on the wrist, a fine, and possible public shaming. There are too many laws put into place to protect this corporate giant and as a result of their unethical practices many people are being harmed with little recourse for justice. Further, it has led to the corruption of the CDC and representatives of government as well. After reviewing these facts it seems as if the only crisis this organization will face is if/when it is exposed for its unethical practices and that will not happen until the American government is exposed as well. Currently, there isn’t a systems of checks and balances in place to protect the American public because even their recourse through the court system has been taken away to an extent by the passing of The Vaccine Injury program.
A few of the Vaccines produced and marketed by this organization are: BCG (tuberculosis), Comvax, Gardasil, Gardasil9, MMR, Pneumovax 23, Pro Quad (Measles, mumps, rubella, and varicella), Recombivax HB, RotaTeq, VAXTA, Varivax, and Zostavax to name a few. There is a long list of immunizations on the schedule for children and adults and the government passed the Vaccine Injury Program to safeguard pharmaceutical companies from safeguards and sold this idea to the American people by telling them that these companies made very little profit from the vaccines and did not want to scare the companies away from producing them. A profit of over nine billion dollars in one year being deemed as small should probably be reevaluated. Recently there has been a controversy that the MMR vaccine was the cause of Autism. Activists, parents, and a small circle of professionals agreed with this assumption and a doctor named Andrew Wakefield did a study on this link in 1998 which he still defends as truth to this day. The problem with this study is that a majority of the co-authors have come forward to claim that the study was falsified. Two things could have occurred here; either the study was falsified or the Co-authors were paid off by Merck pharmaceuticals to recant their research and Dr. Wakefield is being used as a scapegoat. When most people bring up the MMR/Autism link they are usually mocked and the target of ridicule yet there are still people out there who claim there is an actual link between the vaccine and the devastating disability of Autism. Since this study was debunked other research has surfaced that supports the claim that there is no link and anyone who questions this link is obviously a little wacky. However, a recent court case has sparked interest in this debate once again. In this case, whistleblowers brought a suit against the drug maker not because the MMR vaccine caused Autism but quite the opposite. The Merck whistleblowers claimed that the vaccine didn’t work at all. The most interesting aspect of this case is that the whistleblowers won their case. After an outcome this grand one is left wondering if maybe this court case is actually a ruse perpetrated by the drug company as a means to cover up the MMR/Autism link. By having a case on record stating that the drug was ineffective then it seems impossible for it to even cause harm in the first place, especially a harm like Autism.
There are two ethical problems resulting from this situation and the situation involves both Merck Pharmaceuticals and the Centers for Disease control. In a recent story published in Newsweek it is stated that “In the 1980s, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) launched efforts to curb measles outbreaks by increasing immunization rates, says Dr. Robert Amler, who led the push. The CDC worked with state legislatures to require every child to provide proof of immunization in order to enroll and stay in public or private school, and began to see reductions in measles cases within four or five years. By 2000, indigenous transmission of measles was stamped out in the U.S., according to Dr. Walter Orenstein, chair of the National Vaccine Advisory Committee and former director of the CDC's National Immunization Program. (Ziv 2015). By looking back at the timeline of the passing of the Vaccine Injury Program put into place to protect drug companies and the push for increased immunizations it becomes apparent after reading Merck’s statement on being involved with public policy that something scrupulous has and is taking place. In one unethical allegation the CDC pushed for the MMR vaccination that Merck produces which may cause Autism. On the other hand, the CDC is pushing for MMR vaccination that is produced by Merck and the vaccinations are ineffective. In both instances the CDC and Merck have made Dr. Wakefield their scapegoat. The CDC and Merck pharmaceuticals may have created the illusion that Dr. Wakefield is a fraud and then placed the blame of the new measles outbreak on his shoulders by pushing parents not to vaccinate. The end result is that no sane citizen will ever again question the MMR/Autism link for fear of being ridiculed. Further, the Center for Disease Prevention and Merck pharmaceuticals will not have to face the consequences of producing, selling, and forcing a placebo vaccination because the blame can be placed on the shoulders of parents who refuse to vaccinate their children. What is interesting about this whole scenario is what Dr. Wakefield himself has to say about the study that lead to ostracism when “He points out that his now infamous study never asserted a causal relationship between the MMR vaccine and autism. “We merely reported the parent’s description of what happened to their children, and the clinical findings,” he says. “We made no claims about the vaccine causing autism. In fact, we said this does not prove an association. And all we urged was further research.” The authors of the paper wrote at the time, “We did not prove an association between measles, mumps, and rubella vaccine and the syndrome described."(Ziv 2015). This is a very interesting statement because of the fact that he was calling on the scientific community to conduct further research on the MMR/Autism link and not only was he shut up but anyone else who would dare do research on the topic would most likely never bring their findings if negative into the light of day.
The CDC and Merck pharmaceuticals not only acted unethically, they did so together. Moreover, these two organizations scratched each other’s backs all the way to the bank and The CDC Foundation was the convenient troy horse which was built as a way for Merck to slither its way through the back door of the White House and nobody suspects a thing. Merck pharmaceuticals is responsible for creating this moral dilemma through unethical business practices while the Centers for Disease control and The CDC Foundation were hopefully involved in the situation because of the outside force. Merck pharmaceuticals and the CDC Foundation are both responsible for this problem. The only way this situation could have been prevented is to leave business out of the creation of research and medicine.
The theory of deontology was used by these organizations because this theory focuses on the action being right or wrong instead of the consequence of the action. The action of producing vaccinations in order to prevent illness or death conforms to what most consider a moral norm. However, the consequences of those actions are wrong. Laws were passed to protect vaccine manufacturers and as a result the public may have suffered the consequences. Moreover, moral relativism is also called into practice and utilized because while the vaccine manufacturers maybe lying about the effectiveness or damage caused by a bad vaccine in this case it seems as if lying to the public may be the right thing to do. If this lie were to be exposed then many parents would never vaccinate their children at all which could cause harm because some vaccinations are effective in preventing illness with no serious side effects. In this case, each citizen has a duty to become vaccinated based on their obligation to the public at large to remain free of preventable illness. It is then up to the moral relativist to decide if the consequences of this unethical practice are right or wrong.
These companies should have used the virtue theory when manufacturing vaccinations, passing laws making them mandatory, and while conducting research to their safety. If this were the theory that were incorporated then it would not matter if the consequences were good or bad. The only thing that would matter is if these decisions were made with the best interest of society in mind.
There is a very obvious relationship between profit and suffering in this case. Through human suffering created by disease and illness a business is making a sickening profit in the name of man- kind. These organizations are inducing fear into the public through mass marketing of their product and the product may not even work or could kill a person. The awful truth is that any research done on these practices or the vaccinations themselves may not even be truthful or fact.
The meaning of running an ethical business involves making decisions based on the assumption that one should do no harm. A business should decide if they are creating harm and to what degree of harm is the result of their business practices or products.
The best way for a company to maintain its competitive edge and to contribute to overall good or happiness for the majority would be to practice honesty and transparency. Once a company is known as being dishonest all of their practices, products, and associates then become scrutinized as well. In theory these organizations have adopted Virtue ethics as a statement of practice but it literally practices the opposite. This type of schizophrenic practice of business ethics have put people around the globe in harm’s way. For these reasons the relationship between these organizations is unethical and should be banned because it has put the public at risk and their best interest violated.
Regards,
Narcissist Problems
References
Budget Request Summary Fiscal Year 2014. (n.d.). Retrieved May 13, 2015, from http://www.cdc.gov/fmo/topic/Budget Information/appropriations_budget_form_pdf/FY2014_Budget_Request_Summary.pdf
The CDC Foundation - Helping CDC do more, faster. (n.d.). Retrieved May 12, 2015, from http://www.cdcfoundation.org/who/story
Combined Federal Campaign. (2014). Retrieved May 12, 2015, from http://www.cdcfoundation.org/FY20…/combined-federal-campaign
Frantz, P. (2005, February 13). Company profile template. Connexions. Retrieved from http://cnx.org/content/m12649/1.1/
Frequently Asked Questions. (n.d.). Retrieved May 12, 2015, from http://www.cdcfoundation.org/FAQ
Honor Gifts. (2014). Retrieved May 12, 2015, from http://www.cdcfoundation.org/FY2014/honor-gifts
The National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program. (1992). Retrieved May 17, 2015, from http://content.healthaffairs.org/content/11/1/255.short
The Margaret Ellerbe Mahoney Society. (2014). Retrieved May 12, 2015, from http://www.cdcfoundation.org/FY2014/mahoney-society
Mello, M. M., Abiola, S., & Colgrove, J. (2012). Pharmaceutical Companies' Role in State Vaccination Policymaking: The Case of Human Papillomavirus Vaccination. American Journal Of Public Health, 102(5), 893-898. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2011.300576
Memorial Gifts. (2014). Retrieved May 12, 2015, from http://www.cdcfoundation.org/FY2014/memorial-gifts
Merck Announces First-Quarter 2015 Financial Results. (n.d.). Retrieved May 12, 2015, from http://www.mercknewsroom.com/…/merck-announces-first-quarte…
Merck & Co. Inc's. (n.d.). Retrieved May 12, 2015, from http://csimarket.com/stocks/compet_glance.php?code=MRK
Mission, Role and Pledge. (2014, April 14). Retrieved May 12, 2015, from http://www.cdc.gov/about/organization/mission.htm
MRK's comparison of Quarterly Growth Rates to its Competition. (n.d.). Retrieved May 12, 2015, from http://csimarket.com/stocks/competitionNO3.php?code=MRK
We support public policies that advance the interests of patients, improve public health and promote access to medicines and innovation. (n.d.). Retrieved May 12, 2015, from http://www.merck.com/about/views-and-positions/home.html
Worldwide Contact Information. (n.d.). Retrieved May 12, 2015, from http://www.merck.com/contact/contacts.html
Ziv, S. (2015, February 10). Andrew Wakefield, Father of the Anti-Vaccine Movement, Responds to the Current Measles Outbreak for the First Time. Retrieved May 17, 2015, from http://www.newsweek.com/…/andrew-wakefield-father-anti-vacc…

Dear Narcissist Problems, "Issues"

 

 

Dear Narcissist Problems,

My husband is a narcissist and I'm bipolar. I take my meds, workout, and constantly stay busy so I don't feel bad. If things aren't perfect I get criticized. I don't know how much more I can take, I feel like I am suffocating. I have a 3 yr. old w/ him and I don't want to leave, I want him to have both parents. My husband has abandonment issues as well. Things are okay for now, but the weekends are usually horrible. I'm bipolar and I take meds and cycle on the weekends, he knows this. But sometimes I think either he's super anxious cause of it or purposely pushes my buttons cause a low time for me.

I tried to talk to him about how I was worried about him. He said the people that I'm talking about don't have a conscience at all and that he would have already left me if that was the case, he says he loves me no matter what.

Sincerely,

“Issues”

 

Dear “Issues”,

When did you discover that you were bipolar?  Are you sure that maybe you are not in fact just surrounded by an Asshole?  I am not making light of the situation but life with a narcissist can make us act abnormally. Even if we are not acting abnormally we will be labeled with disorders and forced to comply with the label.  Abusers do this when scapegoating and invalidating a victim to others.  An example of this happened to me when my narcissist tried to prove I was an unfit parent in order to gain custody of my children.  They are very convincing when they tell others of your disorder as well, to the point that even you might believe them.  I would feel like I was suffocating as well if I were expected to be perfect all the time.  Narcissists have this wonderful talent where they tell us what they expect of us and then when we deliver they change their expectations.  It might be something as small as leaving a nightlight on in the bathroom.  We are conditioned to remember this night light every night and if we forget all hell will break loose.  Then one day out of the blue, if the narcissist is bored or needs to feed on your emotions, you turn the night light on and then get under the covers ready for bed.  Then the next thing you know you are under the direct fire of a verbal onslaught of how stupid you are because you left the night light on.  You tell the narc that they want the light on every night and this is when you are called crazy.  “I don’t want the light on EVERY NIGHT only on the nights that (fill in the blank)”.  Then you recondition yourself to make sure the night light is off every night and then a couple weeks/months later the same thing occurs.  “I told you to leave the night light on every night! Why are you turning it off?!?!”  Crazy making at its finest.  This could happen with anything; the way you fold towels, vacuum the floor, cook pasta, wash the windows, when you shower, what you wear, and the list goes on.  Maybe your husband criticizes you as a way to get you to abandon him.  Narcissists are great at creating self-fulfilling prophecies.  They create environments that will result in the behavior.  The same thing occurs when they project their feelings onto us.  They will call us names; lazy, pathetic, a slob, Multiple personalities, whore, or crazy and eventually we may feel this way about ourselves/believe it. Normal people want our children to have both parents but being miserable is not a great way for a child to grow up knowing his parents.  Make a list and evaluate the situation, why are you staying, what are the costs/benefits, and how will the current situation effect your child?  I would seek a free consultation with an attorney, document the crazy (even if it seems meaningless), and get into therapy.  Good Luck to you!

Regards,

Narcissist Problems

Dear Narcissist Problems, "War of The Rose's"

 

Dear Narcissist Problems,

     I’ve just become a fan of this page. I never thought there would be such a discussion such a powerhouse! I am dealing with the ongoing abuse of an ex-husband with many of the traits talked about here with an 11 year on going divorce. It is a refreshing page you have and I have gotten lost in everyone’s comments. Thank you for your posts it is helping knowing I am not alone and can check in here for reassurance. I would like to comment so perhaps I can help someone else and in the meantime help myself. If you have suggestions I would like to hear them.  It’s a touchy nerve still to this day. I want to know how I openly communicate with my sons who are now 23 and 25 who still live with him and my oldest son works with him in the family business who both have been brainwashed. Next month will be a finalization if all goes well...but not holding my breath! Should I wait till it’s over and said and done? My oldest has dis owned me in a nasty letter to me...I can feel his pain and it kills me knowing he hates my being and wants nothing to do with me ever. We were so close the 3 of us now it’s just a memory of how it felt to hold them and tell them every day how much I love them....I became disabled while still married and I couldn’t look after them I herniated my l4, l5, s1 in 2003 and again in 2010. If it weren’t for my older brother I just met 11 years ago putting a roof over my head and food in my stomach I would of been living on the streets. I, through all my crap, managed to hold my head high and meet the love of my life partner in 2010. My sons have met her we have had a couple of really nice get together but they just snapped one day as if to hurt me for not being able to help them. I understand what I think but don’t know why they can’t stand up for themselves or me and get out of his life...the more questions I ask myself the deeper I fall into a web that he placed around me all this time. We were married for 16 years and dated and lived together for two years. I absolutely despise his being and become bitter just thinking about him. I cry every day to myself just thinking about my sons I’ve always wanted since I was 10 yrs. old...it just seems he gets what he wants and even though we bought the business together and I worked in it beside him from 1996 to 2004 there he has had all my money, but claims to have nothing. He has stopped spousal support of $200.00 a month and owes me over 4,000 there plus other monies from here and there how do I retrieve what is mine? My lawyer is amazing a humanitarian who is working with me not for his pocket. I am blessed to have found his kind heart and soul. I have had 3 lawyers who just did well not a damn thing! I hope you have some answers for me or just something to keep me going...I love this site, it is helping me cope daily with my feelings that real and genuine and believe there is a way to deal with this personality without jail time, but what!? Please let me know when you post something for me to see I don’t like to post here because my Facebook friends can see and I haven’t told everyone what I have been thru or what I am going thru... thank you for your care and concerns if there is anyone you know that is in relationship like mine you may see if they would like to corresponded with me. I am confidential and a real good listener who also has a great outlook and in need of someone to chat with.

Sincerely,

“War of The Rose’s”

 

 

Dear “War of The Rose’s”,

Thank you for the compliment and we are glad you found your way here!!  An ELEVEN YEAR ongoing DIVORCE?!?!?  I suggest watching the movie “War of The Roses” because that is my first thought.  I’m surprised the both of you have made it this far without committing murder.  I’d like to know more about how this divorce has lasted 11 years.  Please head this message: Get. Out. Now. Before it is too late!  At this point you should be an expert on divorce and would probably give better advice than I ever could.  Please write your book because I am sure there are many people out there who have some questions for you. I.E. How did you keep your sanity? Are you still Sane? How have you not been locked up for murder yet?  You know, the normal things people want to know about when they hear of an ongoing 11 year divorce.  Have you sought therapy for what you are going through?  It would help if there were a little more detail as to what happened between you and your husband, how he ended up with your children, and what your children told you as far as the reason to why they have disowned you.  I know when you are living in what seems to be an eternal vacuum it seems impossible to focus on the small stuff but in this case it might help.  How did this situation spiral out of control?  I think the first step is going no contact with the soon to be ex -husband.  Step two, seek a qualified therapist, find support groups, and find yourself.  If you want to get through this you are going to need to find out what made you stay in this situation for 11 years.  None of us want to feel taken advantage of when leaving a relationship but at some point it becomes necessary to cut your losses and your ties with the toxic other.  Stop to really analyze what has made you stay in this nightmare. Figure out what has happened that makes you feel the need to stay connected to so much chaos.  You have been living in an 11 year hurricane and at some point you need to draw a line in the sand and say to yourself; this is what I will accept in my life and over there is what I will not tolerate.  Remove yourself from the thought process of getting any money, even if it is yours, because this alone could be keeping you in this situation.  I don’t know what happened in your marriage to make it fall apart but it sounds like you may be suffering from post- traumatic stress either from your marriage or from your childhood.  Sometimes we have been through something negative for so long that we begin to feel normal in the negative situation.  If we try to make our lives better it feels unnatural.  As far as your son’s are concerned, I am sorry to say, they are now adults.  They are creating their own boundaries and drawing their own lines in the sand.  Regardless of the reasons they have negative feelings about you the fact is that they do and that should be acknowledged.  You will get nowhere really fast without acknowledging their hurt and pain.  This acknowledgment needs to be heartfelt with a real willingness to not only say you love them but to show them.  Further, if they want nothing to do with you, this needs to be respected.  If you try to force yourself into their lives this will be seen as a major violation to them and may add to the list of reasons they don’t want you in their life.  The work needs to begin at home, with you.  When you begin to heal and understand what has happened to you and why, when you realize the role you are playing in this horror show, and when you accept your faults and others faults then maybe you will be able to move forward.  It will take A LOT of work and A LOT of help but you can do this.  Please keep learning about abuse and keep working on yourself.  Someday, your sons will see the truth or they will see you change and see you are trying.  Words are meaningless to children young and old especially after you have been hurt.  Only actions will change the situation.  Good Luck to you on your journey.

Regards,

Narcissist Problems

Dear Narcissist Problems, "My Therapist Fired Me"

 

 

 

Dear Narcissist Problems,

My therapist recently fired me for a variety of reasons, largely 1) I was starting to depend more on myself than her, 2) I started holding my ground when I thought she was wrong and/or a treatment was not working for me and 3) I was not responding to a particularly traumatic memory of a very traumatic childhood experience in the way that I was 'supposed to' (the way her textbook said I 'ought to'), e.g. I felt angry instead of just scared... but held my ground when she tried to force me to change my responses to suit her model. The last was what prompted the firing itself, the others led up to it. I still have to deal with the traumas of my abusive childhood but am now also dealing with the trauma of the betrayal of trust by my therapist. I am scared to find another therapist and go through all of that again. How do I find someone new to work with? How do I know if I can trust him/her? What are the red flags to look for? How do I respond to red flags - I had tried to respond to some with my last therapist but was rebuffed, so, following the patterns of my childhood, I gave up letting her 'be right' and me to suffer the consequences. Finally, when I couldn't take it anymore she fired me for asserting my needs and wants to her...

Sincerely,

“Fired”

 

 

 

Dear “Fired”,

     It is an amazing day when we do that infamous Google search that forever changes our lives.  For me it was “Mothers who hate their daughters” and BAM!!! Right before my eyes was the one explanation that defined exactly what I had been through for the prior 33 years of my life.  By clicking on that one link “Malignant Narcissists” I found my relationship with my mother described to a T.  This opened the door to meeting others who had experienced my frustration, grief, and inadequacy.  In doing so, we all seemed to be asking the same question; “How do I find a therapist?”  Many of us have experienced therapists who were not trained to deal with this type of disorder, did not understand this disorder, or were adamant on labeling us as flawed and/or defective.  As survivors of this type of abuse we begin our journey down the very lonely road of healing.  When seeking a therapist you will want to interview a few and then finally settle on one who not only understands what you have been through but one who you feel comfortable.  We have spent too many years of our lives being told how to think, feel, and act.  We don’t need this same behavior from our therapists!  I gave some advice the other day and after writing it I would like to retract my statement.  I told a young lady to search for scholarly articles and not to just do random google searches in order to find answers.  I was wrong and I think I said this because the person was young and I was afraid she would encounter more emotional vampires on her road to recovery than need be.  For myself, the path that I found to healing was in doing google searches and reading what others who had lived through this insanity had to say.  I joined support groups online for the days where I needed someone to talk to when life and anxiety was unbearable.  I later started this group.  The best resources I have found to help me heal were from others who had been there.  No amount of therapy could have healed me because I needed to find answers on my own.  I read continuously until I couldn’t read anymore.  I’m talking a whole entire year of nothing but reading on this subject.  When I exhausted my resources I read everything again.  During this year I was running scared and terrified and then I grew angry.  I was angry with my narcissist for stealing so many years of my life.  I think it was a blessing in disguise that your therapist fired you.  You have experienced the red flags of a bad therapist; someone who is telling you how to think or feel, makes you feel ignored/betrayed, who doesn’t listen, and doesn’t truly get what you are saying if they do listen.  If you are uncomfortable with the therapist that is the first huge red flag that you should continue on with your search.  Ask them questions about their experience with narcissistic personality disorder, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, and trauma.  Just because they hold a degree in psychiatry does not mean they will understand this disorder.  Interview them and interview a lot of them until you find one that fits.

Regards,

Narcissist Problems

Dear Narcissist Problems, "Feeling Violated"

Dear Narcissist Problems,
      I am a healthy four year old little boy with an uncircumcised penis. I have made it this far in life without any problems. My p...arents are not together. My father wants to cut off my foreskin for cosmetic reasons and my mother said no. Last week my mother was arrested and told she would not be released until she signed papers allowing the circumcision to take place. It is my body and I do not want to have my penis cut either, I am scared and I miss my mother. We live in the United States of America. Is this a human rights violation and how can I protect myself since my mother has been jailed and silenced with a gag order?
Sincerely,
"Feeling Violated"

Dear "Feeling Violated",

      The first thing I would like to say is that you have our support. A majority of us who have found our way here did so because we have suffered violations of our civil and human rights at the hands of our parents, family, or other loved ones. The situation you and your mother are facing is more like a crime against humanity. Yes, your human rights are being violated and so are your mothers. Unfortunately, given the situation, with the governments current involvement, the only thing to do is to continue to stand up for your rights and spread awareness of the situation so others get involved in your cause. I would suggest contacting the ACLU, advocacy groups, and the media. Given your mothers current court ordered silence you will need volunteers to spread the word of your horrible situation with your toxic father who should be jailed because any parent who truely loves their child would never let a situation where a child is not in danger escalate to this point in order to feel a sense of control over you and your mother. We find it beyond sickening and have officially raised our hands as a volunteer in creating awareness of this situation and sending out a call to action to get others involved as well. Narcissist Problems would like to let you know that we stand with your mother. We believe that your body, including your genitals, belong to you and that we will stand for and help fight against this injustice by spreading awareness of the judicial abuse your mother is currently experiencing. You are a very lucky little man to have such a brave mother standing up for your right to be human against a judicial system that is suffering from severe corruption to the point that a judge feels it is his personal duty to forced your penis to be mutilated. There is a special place in hell for people who watch an injustice take place and do nothing. We hope that the only things you take away from this experience is your mothers bravery, courage, hope in humanity as you watch supporters rally for your rights and dignity, and of course your intact penis. You and your mother are not alone. Rest assured that the outrage express is plowing full steam ahead and gaining momentum in the form of supporters who will not sit down and shut up like your mother has been court ordered to do. We are very sorry that you are going through such a traumatic and dehumanizing experience at the hands of your father. We hope that one day your family will be able to heal from this experience. Continue to fight the good fight and do not stand down to this blatant disregard of your body, human, and civil rights. We support you!
Sincerely,
Narcissist Problems

http://savingchase.org/
https://www.facebook.com/ChasesGuardians
http://chasesguardians.org/wp/

About
Saving Chase
On November 6, 2014, a Florida court ordered the circumcision of a healthy four year old boy, a painful and risky surgery for young boys, at the insistence of his father. The boy's name is Chase and his mother, Heather Hironimus, is fighting a battle to save him.
In December 2011, Chase's mother signed a parenting agreement which gave Chase's father permission to have their (then) baby boy circumcised. Three years later, Chase is still intact, happy and healthy.
Heather Hironimus realized over the years that removing Chase's foreskin was unnecessary. She argues that the parenting plan circumcision agreement no longer applies to a now older, and more aware, boy.
Pediatric urologist Dr. Charles Flack testified to the court that circumcision is not medically necessary after examining the boy.
Genital autonomy advocates believe Chase's physical and mental health are at risk. He is aware of his body and does not want to have surgery on his genitals. Amputating a healthy, functional body part is a violation of basic human rights and medical ethics.
The purpose of this site is to draw attention to Chase's case and to provide a place for concerned citizens to support Heather's struggle.
We are a coalition of activists committed to saving Chase from a tragic and violent invasion of his body. Funds are collected by Doctors Opposing Circumcision, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization. Please visit our donate page to support Chase. If you would like to contribute to our efforts in other ways, please contact us through our contact page.

Dear Narcissist Problems, "99 Problems"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

I'm 22 years old and have a 5 month old son with this guy.  He's my first love. I’m not open about sharing myself with others because I'm afraid of being hurt but I get along with anyone.  I usually put others before myself, I find joy in helping others and helping them better themselves makes me feel good about myself.  I was dedicated to school and basketball until I met him things got rocky.

My mother wasn't really there for me growing up but I still love her.  I live with my father who is a retired police officer and he's pretty cool just sometimes to me it was hard expressing his love as he is also quiet and to himself but I love my parents regardless, giving the hardships I been through. I have 3 sisters and 6 brothers my friendships last years.

I was a virgin until 19 and have only been with 3 guys and one being the one I'm with and that’s the one I'm most comfortable with, he's the one I connected with and I just love him more than anything and thought he would never hurt me.

I’ve been with this guy for almost 3 years now. At first things were good. We met and were just friends and we got closer and closer. We started to share our past rather it be about relationships, family issues, things we liked and didn’t like to do. About 2 months into talking to him he asked me out and within the 3rd month he said he was in love with me. I fell deeply in love with him and I thought he was my match and my soul mate from then on. The first couple months were good until things started to go south. It started when this phone number was continuously calling him late at night around 3 in the morning and I would constantly ask who it was. At times he would say no one and then he would tell me it’s his ex-girlfriend. Well I said why don’t you answer it? He replies and says because I don’t want to, there’s no point because she hurt me and I’m done with her. So I brushed it off but it kept happening so I asked to explain why they broke up. He said she lied about who she was online and she just hurt him. Moving forward I let that go seeing we were together and thought nothing more of the ex. I let this guy move in with me because his parents kicked him out and he had nowhere to go. I fed him clothed him pretty much was there for him through it all. Now things got worse when I would see him texting other girls, and sexting. We would argue and he would tell me it wasn’t like that or say he doesn’t know why he did it and that he loved me I was the only girl for him. I forgave and things went back on track. Then this would happen again either with a coworker or some girl online I would confront same outcome. He made me so paranoid that I would go through his phone when he would be sleep or make fake accounts or numbers and text him to see how he would reply back. When I would confront him with evidence he would be in denial and we argue more or he would pull the, you don’t trust me card or I knew that was you the entire time when I know that was a lie. I would forgive him and life would be good again. On to the 2nd year we would talk more about building and he would say how he loved and wanted to marry me start a family together. I was still in college and playing on the basketball team and I didn’t want to just halt everything. He would tell me a baby would bring us closer and that I was his life. Still occasionally or I shall say when I would find out the infidelity of cheating texting other girls would happen still. But I decided to have a child with him and I feel like that was the biggest mistake. I felt alone the entire pregnancy he was somewhat emotionally there for me. 2 weeks before our sons due date he walked out on me and was gone for a week. Then eventually asked for my forgiveness and I took him back. in the course of being pregnant between the porn websites dating websites the texting of the girls and me finding panties in the car from under our mattress I was fed up and there were excuses for it al. sorry I’m all over the place there’s just so much that has happened. Our son is 5 months old now and we got into an altercation and he has left again and won’t even come see his son won’t answer phone calls messages. he is also on drugs (weed and on probation for it but that doesn’t faze him one bit) I try and try with hi second chances I try to fix him but I find myself hurt or everyone thinks I’m crazy ohhh and the e girlfriend I mentioned of his earlier every time we get in fight he calls her when he knows that affects me I’ve cried my eyes out to him saying why can’t you leave her alone etc.. And he doesn’t see the issue with them talking??? I need help I want to leave my friends and family think I need to but I love this guy so much.

Sincerely,

“99 problems and a Narcissist is one”

 

 

Dear “99 problems”,

     The first thing I would like to say is Congratulations on finding your way here at the age of 22 instead of 42!!!  You are already years ahead of the trauma many of us here have endured due to our own narcissist problems.  Kudos!  Also, congratulations on the baby! There are some red flags that stand out in your relationship with this guy but I first want to point out the first thing you stated here.  You enjoy helping others because it makes you feel good.  I would really look into this self-observation and spend some time reflecting and exploring the reasons why you think and feel this way.  Do you feel guilty caring for yourself?  Do you feel you do not deserve to love yourself or ashamed to love yourself? 

            I will not try to diagnose your significant other as a narcissist because I do not have the authority to do so, I am not a medical doctor or a psychiatrist.  I do however notice that your relationship went kind of fast from first meeting to declaring him your soul mate.  What did he do that made you feel this way?  The way you describe things here the sketchy behavior started pretty early on with the mysterious 3am phone calls.  One thing that many of us who have lived through a relationship of any kind with a narcissist is that they always keep supply around.  This supply is usually in the form of ex-boyfriend/girlfriends, ex-friends, or an ex-anything.  They tell us these people are obsessed with them or just can’t let go when in reality they are secretly maintaining these relationships but they do so in a way that we would never suspect.  By the time the relationship is over we have also been turned into one of the crazy obsessed ex’s. 

At such a young age you should really make a plan and focus on your priorities.  Ask yourself how you want to see your life play out and what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable in your close relationships, including with family.  Really spend some time evaluating ALL of your relationships because I have the feeling you are holding onto some other relationships that may also be toxic for you.  My advice here is to let this guy go.  Yes it is going to hurt because you love him but you need to love yourself and your baby more.  I suggest finding a system of support from people who are currently not involved in your life.  Distance yourself emotionally for a little while and seek counseling.  If you have health insurance I would visit your family doctor and ask for advice on where to find a therapist without going into too much detail.  If you do not have access to these resources please message the page again so we can help you locate some resources in your area.  A lot of communities have places you can turn to if you are on a limited budget with limited resources.  I believe it would be in your best interest and the babies to take steps that will allow you to become strong, stable, and self-reliant. I am not saying to shut the world out.  I am saying seek a system of support emotionally, seek therapy to learn new ways of forming relationships, and learn how to set healthy boundaries.  You deserve to be treated the same way you treat others.  You deserve to love and be loved.  Make a plan, get back into school, and start building a great life because you deserve it!  Learn from this relationship and later on down the road you will have the skills necessary to never be treated like this again or accept being treated this way.  You are very young and have the power to make changes in your life.  You are also old enough to set boundaries if someone is treating you poorly. 

   If you are uncomfortable, initially, with seeking help then a great place to start when you need to figure out what if anything is wrong is Google scholar.  I wouldn’t do a regular internet search on this subject but get information from very reliable sources.  Search for things that you are wondering about “Emotional abuse” “infidelity” “red flags of abuse” etc.  We have all found our way here because of that initial Google search and while it is wonderful being able to connect with others who share your experience and pain it should be limited to just that, sharing experiences.  In order to heal learn about what has happened to you from professionals and professional sources.  I can share my experience and give advice but I can’t show you how to heal because I have no experience, other than my own, on which to reference.  Each of us are on our own journeys and it is up to each of us on how hard we work to heal from the trauma we have endured.  I will list some articles, journals, and basic information that may be helpful for you and the rest is up to you.  Good luck on your healing journey and if you need emotional support we are always here for a shoulder to lean on!

Regards,

Narcissist Problems

Here is an idea on where to start from resources available on Google Scholar

A NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY INVENTORY

ROBERT N. RASKIN and CALVIN S. HALL

Psychological Reports 1979 45:2 , 590-590

http://www.amsciepub.com/doi/abs/10.2466/pr0.1979.45.2.590

 

Psychological Trauma and the Adult Survivor: Theory, Therapy, and Transformation

 By I. Lisa McCann PhD., Laurie Anne Pearlman PhD.

https://books.google.com/books?id=zvNTmfFvkXEC&lpg=PR9&ots=_Ty5uaeAmR&dq=psychological%20trauma&lr&pg=PR7#v=onepage&q=psychological%20trauma&f=false

 

 

Dating infidelity: Behaviors, reasons and consequences.

Roscoe, Bruce; Cavanaugh, Lauri E.; Kennedy, Donna R.

Adolescence, Vol 23(89), 1988, 35-43.

http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1988-29273-001

Surveyed 247 17–23 yr olds concerning 3 issues: behaviors that constitute infidelity in a dating relationship, reasons for a dating partner to be unfaithful, and reactions to a dating partner's infidelity. Responses indicate more similarities than differences between dating infidelity and extramarital affairs with regard to behaviors, causes, and consequences. Results are discussed in terms of similarities between dating and marital infidelity and the rationale for professionals to interact with adolescents concerning the potential long-term consequences of dating infidelity. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2012 APA, all rights reserved)

Dear Narcissist Problems, " Crazie Sadie"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

      I'm dealing with a narcissist (an older woman in her late 50's) who's somehow fixated on me. Long story short we attend the same church so I only have to see / deal with her on Sundays. But what complicated it was late last year I was in a jam and she let me stay with her and her family for a couple of months. It was a completely platonic relationship but I believe she created (with the help of her different but equally crazy sister) something in her mind that clearly doesn't exist... Even though I don't look at her, NEVER call her and only say hello briefly and politely on Sundays at church - she still took it upon herself to through me a surprise birthday party last Sunday immediately after service... Now the thing is she knew all too well that I would hate such a thing, which I clearly did as was evident to all by my face and reaction... Lastly from my research it seems she falls into the category of being a passive narcissist... I can't begin to tell you the crazy (seemingly innocent) and highly disturbing crap I had to deal with when I was staying with her... Any advice or suggestions would be highly appreciated... It was an incredibly creepy experience and unfortunately seems to still continue to be... Glad I found you as especially as I don't think she's finished with her "wackiness", as paranoid as that might sound... OK, here's one example - when I got there she already knew that there was a time in my life, not all that long ago, where I struggled with drinking, I had shared that with her. Now fast forward a bit too just shortly after I moved in, we were talking about coffee, how we took ours etc., I told her I take mine black with honey. The next day, or day after that, she shows me where the honey was in the kitchen, and it was in between an pint of over proof Jamaican rum on one side and a bottle of painkillers (heavy duty ones) on the other. Now I know that sounds weird and over the top but it's literally and absolutely the truth... I mean who keeps there honey between a pint of over proof Jamaican rum and pain killers!?!?!?

Sincerely,

“Crazy Sadie"

 

 

Dear “Crazie Sadie”,

     It sounds like you have a case of narcissist problems on your hands and I’m glad you didn’t waste any more precious time before seeking out help and/or advice.  First I would like to say, it’s probably not you, it’s her!  The first observation that you made is that crazy of this breed typically runs in families.  If there is one narcissist there are most likely others who come from the same family nest.  In this case it is the sister consider all others flying monkeys and proceed with caution.  I hope you live in a very big town and if not consider fleeing the planet immediately.  When you made the statement “Whose somehow fixated on me” you could not have been any closer to hitting the nail on the head.  Of course she is fixated on you, from what you describe, she is a narcissist!  True to narcissistic form she has sought out your company because you are providing her with much needed supply be it with negative or positive reactions.  Narcissists use others to fulfill a never ending void within their souls.  She needs you to fill this void and you have been.  By seeking her assistance when you were in your jam you inadvertently turned her into a martyr.  She “cares for you”, she “has done everything in her power to assist you including throwing the birthday party to make you feel special and appreciated (after you have most likely instructed her that you want nothing to do with her), and she has “no idea what she has done for you to treat her so poorly” because of your reaction to the party she threw.  Que world’s tiniest violin.  Now, you used to like your coffee with honey and probably don’t anymore because this simple pleasure now makes you want to fall off the wagon.  This is the thing you and everyone should understand when making an observation of this sort (honey between narcotics and booze).  When we first make a friend we fill them in on little details about our lives which they will use later as ammunition against us.  Your narcissist was not counting on your extreme amount of will power and had probably already started telling others in your circle that she is so “worried for you because his life is in shambles, he is homeless and started binge drinking again and to top it off he is now addicted to painkillers as well and I know because he nearly downed my whole prescription ohhhhh what do I doooooo?!?!?!?!”.  She has most likely turned you into an out of control, pill popping, alcoholic and she just doesn’t know what to do to help you.  I am very sorry to inform you but the smear campaign is most likely already underway and has been for quite some time.  You may want to keep telling yourself that you are being paranoid but let me be the first honest one to give you advice on this; you are not being paranoid.  All those strange glances you are receiving from others who know her or know people who know her is their passive aggressive way to condemn you for the monster she has created you to be.  Others will not ask you about the gossip and rumors.  One place a narcissist loves to hangout is also in a church so now that you have made this connection please be very wary of people in all social settings and brush up on the red flags of an emotional vampire.  There is only one thing left to do and that is to cut off all contact with this person and possibly everyone the two of you know mutually.  If you have to leave the church, town, or country please do so because once a narcissist is fixated on you their attention will not be adverted until one of you has died.  These people go to great lengths to make our lives a living hell so proceed with caution.  Document the crazy.  Even the little stuff that makes you think you are “paranoid”.  Most likely that paranoid feeling is your mind trying to convince your intuition to shut up and act normal.  There is no normal when dealing with narcissist problems and I wish you the best of luck.  This is a true case of kill or be killed, emotionally or physically.  Document the insanity very well and just prepare yourself mentally to end up taking this lady to court eventually.

P.S. Give yourself permission to stop saying hello, even this simple gesture is creating an emotional vampire feeding frenzy.

Regards,

Narcissist Problems