Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

April 3, 2016

Dear Narcissist: Suicide Queen

Dear Narcissist Problems,

I’m looking for a post about how narcissists want their victims to suicide. Was it shared here and if could you share the post again?


Suicide Queens

  Dear Suicide Queen,

     You have come to the right place in regards to discussions taking place on the phenomenon of narcissists pushing their victims towards suicide.  I regret to inform you but in many cases I believe that this would be their ultimate victory.  For a narcissist they spend their lives destroying people mentally, spiritually, physically, and financially.  I wouldn’t say that a simple narcissist’s ultimate goal would be to push us to suicide as they seem to enjoy creating devastation in other ways.  They love to see us struggle, they manipulate us into believe we are over reacting or down right crazy, they enjoy toying with our minds.  If we no longer exist then the benefits we gave them would be gone.  I would rather reserve this situation of manipulating another into suicide to the narcissistic sociopath.  With these individuals they have total domination over us.  Narcissists love to torment us but a Narcissistic Sociopath wants to see our true demise.  This doesn’t come in the form of a person being financially ruined and homeless with no friends or family to lean on.  For the Narcissistic Sociopath the ultimate goal really would be the demise in the form of death.  However, they won’t typically do it themselves they want others to do it for them.  This is perpetrated by the systematic murdering of the victims self, their mentality, and reality.  In a book written by Scott M. Peck titled People Of the lie he described a situation of a family.  There was a mother, father, and two children.  I won’t go into the specifics of the narcissistic abuse but the gest of what took place is that the oldest son was push to commit suicide.  That following Christmas they gave the gun the older brother had killed himself with to the youngest son.  The reality of this is unspeakable but here is a short quote for that book which explains what you were asking very well:

We come now to a sort of paradox. I have said that evil people feel themselves to be perfect. At the same time, however, I think they have an unacknowledged sense of their own evil nature. Indeed, it is this very sense from which they are frantically trying to flee. The essential component of evil is not the absence of a sense of sin or imperfection but the unwillingness to tolerate that sense. At one and the same time, the evil are aware of their evil and desperately trying to avoid the awareness. Rather than blissfully lacking a sense of morality, like the psychopath, they are continually engaged in sweeping the evidence of their evil under the rug of their own consciousness. For everything they did, Bobby's parents had a rationalization-a whitewash good enough for themselves even if not for me. The problem is not a defect of conscience but the effort to deny the conscience its due. We become evil by attempting to hide from ourselves. The wickedness of the evil is not committed directly, but indirectly as a part of this cover-up process. Evil Originates not in the absence of guilt but in the effort to escape it.

Peck, M. S. (1983). People of the lie: The hope for healing human evil. New York: Simon and Schuster.


The short answer, if I can find this post or not, yes a narcissist will push their victims into committing suicide.  Not only will they do this but they have created the illusion that the victim is and always has been unstable while leaving out the facts of all the deeds they have done to push their victim into that state of utter despair.  I hope this clears some things up for you.

As you are seeing there are Webpages popping up all over the place in recent years (THANK GOD for all you survivors who push forward as guiding lights).  If you stick around enough you will notice a common theme, these pages do not have to or need to be run by professionals i.e. doctors or psychologist.  What I found the best healing in was the story of others.  After a quick search I found this article from a Facebook page referring to Narcissists/suicide which stated:

"Narcissistic Abuse pushes the victim to their lowest feelings of human worthlessness, causes resultative trauma symptoms of emotional and physical paralysis, depression, confusion that leads to their total human dysfunction, destruction and leading to suicidal ideation. Suicide is often the only way out for an uneducated targeted victim of narcissistic abuse who does NOT recognize they are being abused by a pathological relationship narcissist. The victim does not realize s/he is being slowly murdered by the narcissists psychological behavioral applications of torture that NOBODY in society will recognize and validate, society does NOT see the narcissistic predator! The narcissist achieves his/her victim’s fatality by causing the suicide (psychological homicide) without getting any blood on their hands. This result is the ultimate victory for a NPD/ASPD (psychopath), s/he is in control!!"

 ----Narcissistic Mind Games of ASPD - Psychopath Violence - Victim Syndrome

I could go on and on about this topic for days and years, as I already have with no end in sight.  If you were wondering: Will/can a narcissist push a person to suicide?   The answer is yes.  Not only is the answer yes it just might be their ultimate goal so surround yourself with others who have been there and can sit here like I am today screaming from the rooftops THESE MONSTERS EXISTS SO PLEASE SAFE YOURSELF BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!!!!!!!!!


 Narcissist Problems

June 17, 2015

Dear Narcissist Problems "I Can't Sit With Them"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

Anon please! I and a group of online friends have been targeted by a woman we thought was our friend. We were all in a secret support group on Facebook, but gradually she took over which resulted in the group becoming a negative place with members banned, bullying of outsiders, and people flocking to her like flies on shit. I had foresight and chose to unfriend her and leave before it got too dark and negative for me. She noticed straight away that we weren't friends anymore, and started an online hate campaign, turning people against me. She told people I was talking about them behind her back, told them I was a scam artist, and generally smeared my name. I lost my online business, I lost friends, and I got depressed and withdrawn and stopped leaving the house. I've had to get a new Facebook account and block everyone from that group. This girl now admins a larger Facebook group, and has turned everyone in there against me as well now. Even though I've blocked her, she's still finding ways to get to me online. What do I do? I've debated going to the police due to feeling unsafe. I'm in the UK. She's actually well-known as she was breastfeeding in public and someone took a picture and called her a tramp, so she's been on the news defending breastfeeding and has set up a campaign called free to feed. It's a bit ironic that someone famous for standing up to Internet bullies is an Internet bully herself. This profile is a whole new profile, but a girl who was my real life friend told her about this profile. I and my friends have saved a lot of screen shots, not enough though I fear as we didn't realize at the time what was going on.


“Can’t sit with them”


Dear “Can’t sit with them”,

     I have experienced this secret group bullying to an extent.  There have been a few secret groups I have joined and been bullied out of actually.  At one point, I was supporting one of the women to do a retreat.  I thought it was a great idea.  However, because I did not use my own pictures on my profile she began questioning my gender. (It was a female only group)  I understood the fear that maybe I could have been a man, I knew I wasn’t a man and had actually belonged to this group for a few months without problem.  She began taunting me and she wanted to Skype to ensure I was in fact a female.  It was totally ridiculous and I eventually replied, “Would you like a picture of my vagina??? Is that proof enough??”  I don’t think she really had an issue with my body parts she was just trying to create a hostile environment.  It turned into a debate on what kind of profiles are acceptable.  I had no problem sharing “myself” with the admin but we join secret groups for a reason, privacy.  To avoid stalking and further harassment.  To gain support in our weakest moments.  The woman was a predator in sheeps clothing and I see it happen a lot.  I typically avoid these people unless I am forced to react and then I only react directly to the issue and not at the emotional provokations.  She was the same type of personality you describe here, cruelness guised as a victim saint and people flocked to her like flies on shit on a hot summer day.  Let them have each other.  What a nightmare you have been through and I hope you have screen shots of what happened.  I know you are in the UK but in the United States there are laws against libel (written slander) and you should be able to sue her in civil court for the destruction of your name and loss of business. Start a new business with a different name, don’t let her destroy you.  I would get a free consult with an attorney ASAP.  Wow, this is exactly how we end up with anon profiles in the first place.  You need to stand up to this bully and do not let her intimidate you into submission.  A covert narcissist usually takes on the role of the martyr or victim of some sort and it seems to be working for her well.  I would contact the police if necessary and defiantly go talk to a lawyer.  Don’t share anymore personal information with anyone who knows her.  It seems like the friend who told her your real name was nothing more than a flying monkey trying to catch a ride on the 15 minute fame train.  Know the red flags and please don’t hesitate to message again.  You shouldn’t feel so alone but I do recommend making another profile but keeping this one open just to collect evidence of the harassment.  If you can have a person who is totally removed from the situation check your messages for you and remove any real life photos so they don’t get spammed out in the smear campaign.  Good Luck to you and remember you are not alone! 


Narcissist Problems

May 25, 2015

Dear Narcissist Problems, "99 Problems"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

I'm 22 years old and have a 5 month old son with this guy.  He's my first love. I’m not open about sharing myself with others because I'm afraid of being hurt but I get along with anyone.  I usually put others before myself, I find joy in helping others and helping them better themselves makes me feel good about myself.  I was dedicated to school and basketball until I met him things got rocky.

My mother wasn't really there for me growing up but I still love her.  I live with my father who is a retired police officer and he's pretty cool just sometimes to me it was hard expressing his love as he is also quiet and to himself but I love my parents regardless, giving the hardships I been through. I have 3 sisters and 6 brothers my friendships last years.

I was a virgin until 19 and have only been with 3 guys and one being the one I'm with and that’s the one I'm most comfortable with, he's the one I connected with and I just love him more than anything and thought he would never hurt me.

I’ve been with this guy for almost 3 years now. At first things were good. We met and were just friends and we got closer and closer. We started to share our past rather it be about relationships, family issues, things we liked and didn’t like to do. About 2 months into talking to him he asked me out and within the 3rd month he said he was in love with me. I fell deeply in love with him and I thought he was my match and my soul mate from then on. The first couple months were good until things started to go south. It started when this phone number was continuously calling him late at night around 3 in the morning and I would constantly ask who it was. At times he would say no one and then he would tell me it’s his ex-girlfriend. Well I said why don’t you answer it? He replies and says because I don’t want to, there’s no point because she hurt me and I’m done with her. So I brushed it off but it kept happening so I asked to explain why they broke up. He said she lied about who she was online and she just hurt him. Moving forward I let that go seeing we were together and thought nothing more of the ex. I let this guy move in with me because his parents kicked him out and he had nowhere to go. I fed him clothed him pretty much was there for him through it all. Now things got worse when I would see him texting other girls, and sexting. We would argue and he would tell me it wasn’t like that or say he doesn’t know why he did it and that he loved me I was the only girl for him. I forgave and things went back on track. Then this would happen again either with a coworker or some girl online I would confront same outcome. He made me so paranoid that I would go through his phone when he would be sleep or make fake accounts or numbers and text him to see how he would reply back. When I would confront him with evidence he would be in denial and we argue more or he would pull the, you don’t trust me card or I knew that was you the entire time when I know that was a lie. I would forgive him and life would be good again. On to the 2nd year we would talk more about building and he would say how he loved and wanted to marry me start a family together. I was still in college and playing on the basketball team and I didn’t want to just halt everything. He would tell me a baby would bring us closer and that I was his life. Still occasionally or I shall say when I would find out the infidelity of cheating texting other girls would happen still. But I decided to have a child with him and I feel like that was the biggest mistake. I felt alone the entire pregnancy he was somewhat emotionally there for me. 2 weeks before our sons due date he walked out on me and was gone for a week. Then eventually asked for my forgiveness and I took him back. in the course of being pregnant between the porn websites dating websites the texting of the girls and me finding panties in the car from under our mattress I was fed up and there were excuses for it al. sorry I’m all over the place there’s just so much that has happened. Our son is 5 months old now and we got into an altercation and he has left again and won’t even come see his son won’t answer phone calls messages. he is also on drugs (weed and on probation for it but that doesn’t faze him one bit) I try and try with hi second chances I try to fix him but I find myself hurt or everyone thinks I’m crazy ohhh and the e girlfriend I mentioned of his earlier every time we get in fight he calls her when he knows that affects me I’ve cried my eyes out to him saying why can’t you leave her alone etc.. And he doesn’t see the issue with them talking??? I need help I want to leave my friends and family think I need to but I love this guy so much.


“99 problems and a Narcissist is one”



Dear “99 problems”,

     The first thing I would like to say is Congratulations on finding your way here at the age of 22 instead of 42!!!  You are already years ahead of the trauma many of us here have endured due to our own narcissist problems.  Kudos!  Also, congratulations on the baby! There are some red flags that stand out in your relationship with this guy but I first want to point out the first thing you stated here.  You enjoy helping others because it makes you feel good.  I would really look into this self-observation and spend some time reflecting and exploring the reasons why you think and feel this way.  Do you feel guilty caring for yourself?  Do you feel you do not deserve to love yourself or ashamed to love yourself? 

            I will not try to diagnose your significant other as a narcissist because I do not have the authority to do so, I am not a medical doctor or a psychiatrist.  I do however notice that your relationship went kind of fast from first meeting to declaring him your soul mate.  What did he do that made you feel this way?  The way you describe things here the sketchy behavior started pretty early on with the mysterious 3am phone calls.  One thing that many of us who have lived through a relationship of any kind with a narcissist is that they always keep supply around.  This supply is usually in the form of ex-boyfriend/girlfriends, ex-friends, or an ex-anything.  They tell us these people are obsessed with them or just can’t let go when in reality they are secretly maintaining these relationships but they do so in a way that we would never suspect.  By the time the relationship is over we have also been turned into one of the crazy obsessed ex’s. 

At such a young age you should really make a plan and focus on your priorities.  Ask yourself how you want to see your life play out and what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable in your close relationships, including with family.  Really spend some time evaluating ALL of your relationships because I have the feeling you are holding onto some other relationships that may also be toxic for you.  My advice here is to let this guy go.  Yes it is going to hurt because you love him but you need to love yourself and your baby more.  I suggest finding a system of support from people who are currently not involved in your life.  Distance yourself emotionally for a little while and seek counseling.  If you have health insurance I would visit your family doctor and ask for advice on where to find a therapist without going into too much detail.  If you do not have access to these resources please message the page again so we can help you locate some resources in your area.  A lot of communities have places you can turn to if you are on a limited budget with limited resources.  I believe it would be in your best interest and the babies to take steps that will allow you to become strong, stable, and self-reliant. I am not saying to shut the world out.  I am saying seek a system of support emotionally, seek therapy to learn new ways of forming relationships, and learn how to set healthy boundaries.  You deserve to be treated the same way you treat others.  You deserve to love and be loved.  Make a plan, get back into school, and start building a great life because you deserve it!  Learn from this relationship and later on down the road you will have the skills necessary to never be treated like this again or accept being treated this way.  You are very young and have the power to make changes in your life.  You are also old enough to set boundaries if someone is treating you poorly. 

   If you are uncomfortable, initially, with seeking help then a great place to start when you need to figure out what if anything is wrong is Google scholar.  I wouldn’t do a regular internet search on this subject but get information from very reliable sources.  Search for things that you are wondering about “Emotional abuse” “infidelity” “red flags of abuse” etc.  We have all found our way here because of that initial Google search and while it is wonderful being able to connect with others who share your experience and pain it should be limited to just that, sharing experiences.  In order to heal learn about what has happened to you from professionals and professional sources.  I can share my experience and give advice but I can’t show you how to heal because I have no experience, other than my own, on which to reference.  Each of us are on our own journeys and it is up to each of us on how hard we work to heal from the trauma we have endured.  I will list some articles, journals, and basic information that may be helpful for you and the rest is up to you.  Good luck on your healing journey and if you need emotional support we are always here for a shoulder to lean on!


Narcissist Problems

Here is an idea on where to start from resources available on Google Scholar


Psychological Reports 1979 45:2 , 590-590


Psychological Trauma and the Adult Survivor: Theory, Therapy, and Transformation

 By I. Lisa McCann PhD., Laurie Anne Pearlman PhD.



Dating infidelity: Behaviors, reasons and consequences.

Roscoe, Bruce; Cavanaugh, Lauri E.; Kennedy, Donna R.

Adolescence, Vol 23(89), 1988, 35-43.

Surveyed 247 17–23 yr olds concerning 3 issues: behaviors that constitute infidelity in a dating relationship, reasons for a dating partner to be unfaithful, and reactions to a dating partner's infidelity. Responses indicate more similarities than differences between dating infidelity and extramarital affairs with regard to behaviors, causes, and consequences. Results are discussed in terms of similarities between dating and marital infidelity and the rationale for professionals to interact with adolescents concerning the potential long-term consequences of dating infidelity. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2012 APA, all rights reserved)