Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
April 3, 2016
Dear Narcissist: Suicide Queen
Dear Narcissist Problems,
Suicide Queens
You have come to the right place in regards to discussions taking place on the phenomenon of narcissists pushing their victims towards suicide. I regret to inform you but in many cases I believe that this would be their ultimate victory. For a narcissist they spend their lives destroying people mentally, spiritually, physically, and financially. I wouldn’t say that a simple narcissist’s ultimate goal would be to push us to suicide as they seem to enjoy creating devastation in other ways. They love to see us struggle, they manipulate us into believe we are over reacting or down right crazy, they enjoy toying with our minds. If we no longer exist then the benefits we gave them would be gone. I would rather reserve this situation of manipulating another into suicide to the narcissistic sociopath. With these individuals they have total domination over us. Narcissists love to torment us but a Narcissistic Sociopath wants to see our true demise. This doesn’t come in the form of a person being financially ruined and homeless with no friends or family to lean on. For the Narcissistic Sociopath the ultimate goal really would be the demise in the form of death. However, they won’t typically do it themselves they want others to do it for them. This is perpetrated by the systematic murdering of the victims self, their mentality, and reality. In a book written by Scott M. Peck titled People Of the lie he described a situation of a family. There was a mother, father, and two children. I won’t go into the specifics of the narcissistic abuse but the gest of what took place is that the oldest son was push to commit suicide. That following Christmas they gave the gun the older brother had killed himself with to the youngest son. The reality of this is unspeakable but here is a short quote for that book which explains what you were asking very well:
We come now to a sort of paradox. I have said that evil people feel themselves to be perfect. At the same time, however, I think they have an unacknowledged sense of their own evil nature. Indeed, it is this very sense from which they are frantically trying to flee. The essential component of evil is not the absence of a sense of sin or imperfection but the unwillingness to tolerate that sense. At one and the same time, the evil are aware of their evil and desperately trying to avoid the awareness. Rather than blissfully lacking a sense of morality, like the psychopath, they are continually engaged in sweeping the evidence of their evil under the rug of their own consciousness. For everything they did, Bobby's parents had a rationalization-a whitewash good enough for themselves even if not for me. The problem is not a defect of conscience but the effort to deny the conscience its due. We become evil by attempting to hide from ourselves. The wickedness of the evil is not committed directly, but indirectly as a part of this cover-up process. Evil Originates not in the absence of guilt but in the effort to escape it.
Peck, M. S. (1983). People of the lie: The hope for healing human evil. New York: Simon and Schuster.
The short answer, if I can find this post or not, yes a narcissist will push their victims into committing suicide. Not only will they do this but they have created the illusion that the victim is and always has been unstable while leaving out the facts of all the deeds they have done to push their victim into that state of utter despair. I hope this clears some things up for you.
As you are seeing there are Webpages popping up all over the place in recent years (THANK GOD for all you survivors who push forward as guiding lights). If you stick around enough you will notice a common theme, these pages do not have to or need to be run by professionals i.e. doctors or psychologist. What I found the best healing in was the story of others. After a quick search I found this article from a Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/NarcMindGames/?fref=nf referring to Narcissists/suicide which stated:
----Narcissistic Mind Games of ASPD - Psychopath Violence - Victim Syndrome
I could go on and on about this topic for days and years, as I already have with no end in sight. If you were wondering: Will/can a narcissist push a person to suicide? The answer is yes. Not only is the answer yes it just might be their ultimate goal so surround yourself with others who have been there and can sit here like I am today screaming from the rooftops THESE MONSTERS EXISTS SO PLEASE SAFE YOURSELF BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!!!!!!!!!
Regards,
June 17, 2015
Dear Narcissist Problems "I Can't Sit With Them"
Dear Narcissist Problems,
Anon please! I and a group of online
friends have been targeted by a woman we thought was our friend. We were all in
a secret support group on Facebook, but gradually she took over which resulted
in the group becoming a negative place with members banned, bullying of
outsiders, and people flocking to her like flies on shit. I had foresight and
chose to unfriend her and leave before it got too dark and negative for me. She
noticed straight away that we weren't friends anymore, and started an online hate
campaign, turning people against me. She told people I was talking about them
behind her back, told them I was a scam artist, and generally smeared my name.
I lost my online business, I lost friends, and I got depressed and withdrawn
and stopped leaving the house. I've had to get a new Facebook account and block
everyone from that group. This girl now admins a larger Facebook group, and has
turned everyone in there against me as well now. Even though I've blocked her,
she's still finding ways to get to me online. What do I do? I've debated going
to the police due to feeling unsafe. I'm in the UK. She's actually well-known
as she was breastfeeding in public and someone took a picture and called her a
tramp, so she's been on the news defending breastfeeding and has set up a
campaign called free to feed. It's a bit ironic that someone famous for
standing up to Internet bullies is an Internet bully herself. This profile is a
whole new profile, but a girl who was my real life friend told her about this
profile. I and my friends have saved a lot of screen shots, not enough though I
fear as we didn't realize at the time what was going on.
Sincerely,
“Can’t sit with them”
Dear “Can’t sit with them”,
I have experienced this secret group bullying to an extent. There have been a few secret groups I have
joined and been bullied out of actually.
At one point, I was supporting one of the women to do a retreat. I thought it was a great idea. However, because I did not use my own
pictures on my profile she began questioning my gender. (It was a female only
group) I understood the fear that maybe
I could have been a man, I knew I wasn’t a man and had actually belonged to
this group for a few months without problem.
She began taunting me and she wanted to Skype to ensure I was in fact a
female. It was totally ridiculous and I
eventually replied, “Would you like a picture of my vagina??? Is that proof
enough??” I don’t think she really had
an issue with my body parts she was just trying to create a hostile
environment. It turned into a debate on
what kind of profiles are acceptable. I
had no problem sharing “myself” with the admin but we join secret groups for a
reason, privacy. To avoid stalking and further
harassment. To gain support in our
weakest moments. The woman was a
predator in sheeps clothing and I see it happen a lot. I typically avoid these people unless I am
forced to react and then I only react directly to the issue and not at the
emotional provokations. She was the same
type of personality you describe here, cruelness guised as a victim saint and
people flocked to her like flies on shit on a hot summer day. Let them have each other. What a nightmare you have been through and I
hope you have screen shots of what happened.
I know you are in the UK but in the United States there are laws against
libel (written slander) and you should be able to sue her in civil court for
the destruction of your name and loss of business. Start a new business with a
different name, don’t let her destroy you. I would get a free consult with an attorney
ASAP. Wow, this is exactly how we end up
with anon profiles in the first place.
You need to stand up to this bully and do not let her intimidate you
into submission. A covert narcissist
usually takes on the role of the martyr or victim of some sort and it seems to
be working for her well. I would contact
the police if necessary and defiantly go talk to a lawyer. Don’t share anymore personal information with
anyone who knows her. It seems like the
friend who told her your real name was nothing more than a flying monkey trying
to catch a ride on the 15 minute fame train.
Know the red flags and please don’t hesitate to message again. You shouldn’t feel so alone but I do
recommend making another profile but keeping this one open just to collect
evidence of the harassment. If you can
have a person who is totally removed from the situation check your messages for
you and remove any real life photos so they don’t get spammed out in the smear
campaign. Good Luck to you and remember
you are not alone!
Regards,
Narcissist Problems
May 25, 2015
Dear Narcissist Problems, "99 Problems"
Dear Narcissist Problems,
I'm 22 years old and
have a 5 month old son with this guy. He's
my first love. I’m not open about sharing myself with others because I'm afraid
of being hurt but I get along with anyone. I usually put others before myself, I find joy
in helping others and helping them better themselves makes me feel good about
myself. I was dedicated to school and
basketball until I met him things got rocky.
My
mother wasn't really there for me growing up but I still love her. I live with my father who is a retired police
officer and he's pretty cool just sometimes to me it was hard expressing his
love as he is also quiet and to himself but I love my parents regardless,
giving the hardships I been through. I have 3 sisters and 6 brothers my friendships
last years.
I
was a virgin until 19 and have only been with 3 guys and one being the one I'm
with and that’s the one I'm most comfortable with, he's the one I connected
with and I just love him more than anything and thought he would never hurt me.
I’ve
been with this guy for almost 3 years now. At first things were good. We met
and were just friends and we got closer and closer. We started to share our
past rather it be about relationships, family issues, things we liked and
didn’t like to do. About 2 months into talking to him he asked me out and
within the 3rd month he said he was in love with me. I fell deeply in love with
him and I thought he was my match and my soul mate from then on. The first
couple months were good until things started to go south. It started when this phone
number was continuously calling him late at night around 3 in the morning and I
would constantly ask who it was. At times he would say no one and then he would
tell me it’s his ex-girlfriend. Well I said why don’t you answer it? He replies
and says because I don’t want to, there’s no point because she hurt me and I’m
done with her. So I brushed it off but it kept happening so I asked to explain
why they broke up. He said she lied about who she was online and she just hurt
him. Moving forward I let that go seeing we were together and thought nothing
more of the ex. I let this guy move in with me because his parents kicked him
out and he had nowhere to go. I fed him clothed him pretty much was there for
him through it all. Now things got worse when I would see him texting other
girls, and sexting. We would argue and he would tell me it wasn’t like that or
say he doesn’t know why he did it and that he loved me I was the only girl for
him. I forgave and things went back on track. Then this would happen again
either with a coworker or some girl online I would confront same outcome. He
made me so paranoid that I would go through his phone when he would be sleep or
make fake accounts or numbers and text him to see how he would reply back. When
I would confront him with evidence he would be in denial and we argue more or
he would pull the, you don’t trust me card or I knew that was you the entire
time when I know that was a lie. I would forgive him and life would be good
again. On to the 2nd year we would talk more about building and he would say
how he loved and wanted to marry me start a family together. I was still in
college and playing on the basketball team and I didn’t want to just halt
everything. He would tell me a baby would bring us closer and that I was his
life. Still occasionally or I shall say when I would find out the infidelity of
cheating texting other girls would happen still. But I decided to have a child
with him and I feel like that was the biggest mistake. I felt alone the entire
pregnancy he was somewhat emotionally there for me. 2 weeks before our sons due
date he walked out on me and was gone for a week. Then eventually asked for my
forgiveness and I took him back. in the course of being pregnant between the
porn websites dating websites the texting of the girls and me finding panties
in the car from under our mattress I was fed up and there were excuses for it
al. sorry I’m all over the place there’s just so much that has happened. Our
son is 5 months old now and we got into an altercation and he has left again
and won’t even come see his son won’t answer phone calls messages. he is also
on drugs (weed and on probation for it but that doesn’t faze him one bit) I try
and try with hi second chances I try to fix him but I find myself hurt or
everyone thinks I’m crazy ohhh and the e girlfriend I mentioned of his earlier every
time we get in fight he calls her when he knows that affects me I’ve cried my
eyes out to him saying why can’t you leave her alone etc.. And he doesn’t see
the issue with them talking??? I need help I want to leave my friends and
family think I need to but I love this guy so much.
Sincerely,
“99 problems and a
Narcissist is one”
Dear “99 problems”,
The first thing I would like to say is
Congratulations on finding your way here at the age of 22 instead of 42!!! You are already years ahead of the trauma
many of us here have endured due to our own narcissist problems. Kudos!
Also, congratulations on the baby! There are some red flags that stand
out in your relationship with this guy but I first want to point out the first
thing you stated here. You enjoy helping
others because it makes you feel good. I
would really look into this self-observation and spend some time reflecting and
exploring the reasons why you think and feel this way. Do you feel guilty caring for yourself? Do you feel you do not deserve to love
yourself or ashamed to love yourself?
I will not try to diagnose your
significant other as a narcissist because I do not have the authority to do so,
I am not a medical doctor or a psychiatrist.
I do however notice that your relationship went kind of fast from first
meeting to declaring him your soul mate.
What did he do that made you feel this way? The way you describe things here the sketchy
behavior started pretty early on with the mysterious 3am phone calls. One thing that many of us who have lived
through a relationship of any kind with a narcissist is that they always keep
supply around. This supply is usually in
the form of ex-boyfriend/girlfriends, ex-friends, or an ex-anything. They tell us these people are obsessed with
them or just can’t let go when in reality they are secretly maintaining these
relationships but they do so in a way that we would never suspect. By the time the relationship is over we have
also been turned into one of the crazy obsessed ex’s.
At such a young age
you should really make a plan and focus on your priorities. Ask yourself how you want to see your life
play out and what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable in your close
relationships, including with family.
Really spend some time evaluating ALL of your relationships because I
have the feeling you are holding onto some other relationships that may also be
toxic for you. My advice here is to let
this guy go. Yes it is going to hurt
because you love him but you need to love yourself and your baby more. I suggest finding a system of support from
people who are currently not involved in your life. Distance yourself emotionally for a little
while and seek counseling. If you have
health insurance I would visit your family doctor and ask for advice on where
to find a therapist without going into too much detail. If you do not have access to these resources
please message the page again so we can help you locate some resources in your
area. A lot of communities have places
you can turn to if you are on a limited budget with limited resources. I believe it would be in your best interest
and the babies to take steps that will allow you to become strong, stable, and
self-reliant. I am not saying to shut the world out. I am saying seek a system of support
emotionally, seek therapy to learn new ways of forming relationships, and learn
how to set healthy boundaries. You
deserve to be treated the same way you treat others. You deserve to love and be loved. Make a plan, get back into school, and start
building a great life because you deserve it!
Learn from this relationship and later on down the road you will have
the skills necessary to never be treated like this again or accept being
treated this way. You are very young and
have the power to make changes in your life.
You are also old enough to set boundaries if someone is treating you
poorly.
If you are uncomfortable, initially, with
seeking help then a great place to start when you need to figure out what if
anything is wrong is Google scholar. I
wouldn’t do a regular internet search on this subject but get information from
very reliable sources. Search for things
that you are wondering about “Emotional abuse” “infidelity” “red flags of abuse”
etc. We have all found our way here
because of that initial Google search and while it is wonderful being able to
connect with others who share your experience and pain it should be limited to
just that, sharing experiences. In order
to heal learn about what has happened to you from professionals and
professional sources. I can share my
experience and give advice but I can’t show you how to heal because I have no
experience, other than my own, on which to reference. Each of us are on our own journeys and it is
up to each of us on how hard we work to heal from the trauma we have
endured. I will list some articles, journals,
and basic information that may be helpful for you and the rest is up to
you. Good luck on your healing journey
and if you need emotional support we are always here for a shoulder to lean on!
Regards,
Narcissist Problems
Here is an idea on where to start from resources
available on Google Scholar
ROBERT
N. RASKIN and CALVIN S. HALL
Psychological Reports
1979 45:2 , 590-590
Psychological Trauma and the Adult Survivor: Theory,
Therapy, and Transformation
By I. Lisa McCann PhD.,
Laurie Anne Pearlman PhD.
Dating
infidelity: Behaviors, reasons and consequences.
Roscoe, Bruce; Cavanaugh, Lauri E.;
Kennedy, Donna R.
Adolescence, Vol 23(89), 1988,
35-43.
Surveyed 247 17–23 yr olds
concerning 3 issues: behaviors that constitute infidelity in a dating
relationship, reasons for a dating partner to be unfaithful, and reactions to a
dating partner's infidelity. Responses indicate more similarities than
differences between dating infidelity and extramarital affairs with regard to
behaviors, causes, and consequences. Results are discussed in terms of
similarities between dating and marital infidelity and the rationale for
professionals to interact with adolescents concerning the potential long-term
consequences of dating infidelity. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2012 APA, all
rights reserved)
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