Dear
Narcissist Problems,
My
husband is a narcissist and I'm bipolar. I take my meds, workout, and
constantly stay busy so I don't feel bad. If things aren't perfect I get criticized.
I don't know how much more I can take, I feel like I am suffocating. I have a 3
yr. old w/ him and I don't want to leave, I want him to have both parents. My
husband has abandonment issues as well. Things are okay for now, but the
weekends are usually horrible. I'm bipolar and I take meds and cycle on the
weekends, he knows this. But sometimes I think either he's super anxious cause
of it or purposely pushes my buttons cause a low time for me.
I
tried to talk to him about how I was worried about him. He said the people that
I'm talking about don't have a conscience at all and that he would have already
left me if that was the case, he says he loves me no matter what.
Sincerely,
“Issues”
Dear
“Issues”,
When did you discover that you were bipolar? Are you sure that maybe you are not in fact
just surrounded by an Asshole? I am not
making light of the situation but life with a narcissist can make us act
abnormally. Even if we are not acting abnormally we will be labeled with
disorders and forced to comply with the label.
Abusers do this when scapegoating and invalidating a victim to
others. An example of this happened to
me when my narcissist tried to prove I was an unfit parent in order to gain
custody of my children. They are very convincing
when they tell others of your disorder as well, to the point that even you
might believe them. I would feel like I
was suffocating as well if I were expected to be perfect all the time. Narcissists have this wonderful talent where
they tell us what they expect of us and then when we deliver they change their expectations. It might be something as small as leaving a
nightlight on in the bathroom. We are
conditioned to remember this night light every night and if we forget all hell
will break loose. Then one day out of the
blue, if the narcissist is bored or needs to feed on your emotions, you turn
the night light on and then get under the covers ready for bed. Then the next thing you know you are under
the direct fire of a verbal onslaught of how stupid you are because you left
the night light on. You tell the narc
that they want the light on every night and this is when you are called
crazy. “I don’t want the light on EVERY
NIGHT only on the nights that (fill in the blank)”. Then you recondition yourself to make sure
the night light is off every night and then a couple weeks/months later the
same thing occurs. “I told you to leave
the night light on every night! Why are you turning it off?!?!” Crazy making at its finest. This could happen with anything; the way you
fold towels, vacuum the floor, cook pasta, wash the windows, when you shower,
what you wear, and the list goes on.
Maybe your husband criticizes you as a way to get you to abandon
him. Narcissists are great at creating self-fulfilling
prophecies. They create environments
that will result in the behavior. The
same thing occurs when they project their feelings onto us. They will call us names; lazy, pathetic, a
slob, Multiple personalities, whore, or crazy and eventually we may feel this
way about ourselves/believe it. Normal people want our children to have both
parents but being miserable is not a great way for a child to grow up knowing
his parents. Make a list and evaluate
the situation, why are you staying, what are the costs/benefits, and how will
the current situation effect your child?
I would seek a free consultation with an attorney, document the crazy
(even if it seems meaningless), and get into therapy. Good Luck to you!
Regards,
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