May 26, 2015

Dear Narcissist Problems, "Feeling Violated"

Dear Narcissist Problems,
      I am a healthy four year old little boy with an uncircumcised penis. I have made it this far in life without any problems. My p...arents are not together. My father wants to cut off my foreskin for cosmetic reasons and my mother said no. Last week my mother was arrested and told she would not be released until she signed papers allowing the circumcision to take place. It is my body and I do not want to have my penis cut either, I am scared and I miss my mother. We live in the United States of America. Is this a human rights violation and how can I protect myself since my mother has been jailed and silenced with a gag order?
"Feeling Violated"

Dear "Feeling Violated",

      The first thing I would like to say is that you have our support. A majority of us who have found our way here did so because we have suffered violations of our civil and human rights at the hands of our parents, family, or other loved ones. The situation you and your mother are facing is more like a crime against humanity. Yes, your human rights are being violated and so are your mothers. Unfortunately, given the situation, with the governments current involvement, the only thing to do is to continue to stand up for your rights and spread awareness of the situation so others get involved in your cause. I would suggest contacting the ACLU, advocacy groups, and the media. Given your mothers current court ordered silence you will need volunteers to spread the word of your horrible situation with your toxic father who should be jailed because any parent who truely loves their child would never let a situation where a child is not in danger escalate to this point in order to feel a sense of control over you and your mother. We find it beyond sickening and have officially raised our hands as a volunteer in creating awareness of this situation and sending out a call to action to get others involved as well. Narcissist Problems would like to let you know that we stand with your mother. We believe that your body, including your genitals, belong to you and that we will stand for and help fight against this injustice by spreading awareness of the judicial abuse your mother is currently experiencing. You are a very lucky little man to have such a brave mother standing up for your right to be human against a judicial system that is suffering from severe corruption to the point that a judge feels it is his personal duty to forced your penis to be mutilated. There is a special place in hell for people who watch an injustice take place and do nothing. We hope that the only things you take away from this experience is your mothers bravery, courage, hope in humanity as you watch supporters rally for your rights and dignity, and of course your intact penis. You and your mother are not alone. Rest assured that the outrage express is plowing full steam ahead and gaining momentum in the form of supporters who will not sit down and shut up like your mother has been court ordered to do. We are very sorry that you are going through such a traumatic and dehumanizing experience at the hands of your father. We hope that one day your family will be able to heal from this experience. Continue to fight the good fight and do not stand down to this blatant disregard of your body, human, and civil rights. We support you!
Narcissist Problems

Saving Chase
On November 6, 2014, a Florida court ordered the circumcision of a healthy four year old boy, a painful and risky surgery for young boys, at the insistence of his father. The boy's name is Chase and his mother, Heather Hironimus, is fighting a battle to save him.
In December 2011, Chase's mother signed a parenting agreement which gave Chase's father permission to have their (then) baby boy circumcised. Three years later, Chase is still intact, happy and healthy.
Heather Hironimus realized over the years that removing Chase's foreskin was unnecessary. She argues that the parenting plan circumcision agreement no longer applies to a now older, and more aware, boy.
Pediatric urologist Dr. Charles Flack testified to the court that circumcision is not medically necessary after examining the boy.
Genital autonomy advocates believe Chase's physical and mental health are at risk. He is aware of his body and does not want to have surgery on his genitals. Amputating a healthy, functional body part is a violation of basic human rights and medical ethics.
The purpose of this site is to draw attention to Chase's case and to provide a place for concerned citizens to support Heather's struggle.
We are a coalition of activists committed to saving Chase from a tragic and violent invasion of his body. Funds are collected by Doctors Opposing Circumcision, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization. Please visit our donate page to support Chase. If you would like to contribute to our efforts in other ways, please contact us through our contact page.

May 25, 2015

Dear Narcissist Problems, "99 Problems"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

I'm 22 years old and have a 5 month old son with this guy.  He's my first love. I’m not open about sharing myself with others because I'm afraid of being hurt but I get along with anyone.  I usually put others before myself, I find joy in helping others and helping them better themselves makes me feel good about myself.  I was dedicated to school and basketball until I met him things got rocky.

My mother wasn't really there for me growing up but I still love her.  I live with my father who is a retired police officer and he's pretty cool just sometimes to me it was hard expressing his love as he is also quiet and to himself but I love my parents regardless, giving the hardships I been through. I have 3 sisters and 6 brothers my friendships last years.

I was a virgin until 19 and have only been with 3 guys and one being the one I'm with and that’s the one I'm most comfortable with, he's the one I connected with and I just love him more than anything and thought he would never hurt me.

I’ve been with this guy for almost 3 years now. At first things were good. We met and were just friends and we got closer and closer. We started to share our past rather it be about relationships, family issues, things we liked and didn’t like to do. About 2 months into talking to him he asked me out and within the 3rd month he said he was in love with me. I fell deeply in love with him and I thought he was my match and my soul mate from then on. The first couple months were good until things started to go south. It started when this phone number was continuously calling him late at night around 3 in the morning and I would constantly ask who it was. At times he would say no one and then he would tell me it’s his ex-girlfriend. Well I said why don’t you answer it? He replies and says because I don’t want to, there’s no point because she hurt me and I’m done with her. So I brushed it off but it kept happening so I asked to explain why they broke up. He said she lied about who she was online and she just hurt him. Moving forward I let that go seeing we were together and thought nothing more of the ex. I let this guy move in with me because his parents kicked him out and he had nowhere to go. I fed him clothed him pretty much was there for him through it all. Now things got worse when I would see him texting other girls, and sexting. We would argue and he would tell me it wasn’t like that or say he doesn’t know why he did it and that he loved me I was the only girl for him. I forgave and things went back on track. Then this would happen again either with a coworker or some girl online I would confront same outcome. He made me so paranoid that I would go through his phone when he would be sleep or make fake accounts or numbers and text him to see how he would reply back. When I would confront him with evidence he would be in denial and we argue more or he would pull the, you don’t trust me card or I knew that was you the entire time when I know that was a lie. I would forgive him and life would be good again. On to the 2nd year we would talk more about building and he would say how he loved and wanted to marry me start a family together. I was still in college and playing on the basketball team and I didn’t want to just halt everything. He would tell me a baby would bring us closer and that I was his life. Still occasionally or I shall say when I would find out the infidelity of cheating texting other girls would happen still. But I decided to have a child with him and I feel like that was the biggest mistake. I felt alone the entire pregnancy he was somewhat emotionally there for me. 2 weeks before our sons due date he walked out on me and was gone for a week. Then eventually asked for my forgiveness and I took him back. in the course of being pregnant between the porn websites dating websites the texting of the girls and me finding panties in the car from under our mattress I was fed up and there were excuses for it al. sorry I’m all over the place there’s just so much that has happened. Our son is 5 months old now and we got into an altercation and he has left again and won’t even come see his son won’t answer phone calls messages. he is also on drugs (weed and on probation for it but that doesn’t faze him one bit) I try and try with hi second chances I try to fix him but I find myself hurt or everyone thinks I’m crazy ohhh and the e girlfriend I mentioned of his earlier every time we get in fight he calls her when he knows that affects me I’ve cried my eyes out to him saying why can’t you leave her alone etc.. And he doesn’t see the issue with them talking??? I need help I want to leave my friends and family think I need to but I love this guy so much.


“99 problems and a Narcissist is one”



Dear “99 problems”,

     The first thing I would like to say is Congratulations on finding your way here at the age of 22 instead of 42!!!  You are already years ahead of the trauma many of us here have endured due to our own narcissist problems.  Kudos!  Also, congratulations on the baby! There are some red flags that stand out in your relationship with this guy but I first want to point out the first thing you stated here.  You enjoy helping others because it makes you feel good.  I would really look into this self-observation and spend some time reflecting and exploring the reasons why you think and feel this way.  Do you feel guilty caring for yourself?  Do you feel you do not deserve to love yourself or ashamed to love yourself? 

            I will not try to diagnose your significant other as a narcissist because I do not have the authority to do so, I am not a medical doctor or a psychiatrist.  I do however notice that your relationship went kind of fast from first meeting to declaring him your soul mate.  What did he do that made you feel this way?  The way you describe things here the sketchy behavior started pretty early on with the mysterious 3am phone calls.  One thing that many of us who have lived through a relationship of any kind with a narcissist is that they always keep supply around.  This supply is usually in the form of ex-boyfriend/girlfriends, ex-friends, or an ex-anything.  They tell us these people are obsessed with them or just can’t let go when in reality they are secretly maintaining these relationships but they do so in a way that we would never suspect.  By the time the relationship is over we have also been turned into one of the crazy obsessed ex’s. 

At such a young age you should really make a plan and focus on your priorities.  Ask yourself how you want to see your life play out and what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable in your close relationships, including with family.  Really spend some time evaluating ALL of your relationships because I have the feeling you are holding onto some other relationships that may also be toxic for you.  My advice here is to let this guy go.  Yes it is going to hurt because you love him but you need to love yourself and your baby more.  I suggest finding a system of support from people who are currently not involved in your life.  Distance yourself emotionally for a little while and seek counseling.  If you have health insurance I would visit your family doctor and ask for advice on where to find a therapist without going into too much detail.  If you do not have access to these resources please message the page again so we can help you locate some resources in your area.  A lot of communities have places you can turn to if you are on a limited budget with limited resources.  I believe it would be in your best interest and the babies to take steps that will allow you to become strong, stable, and self-reliant. I am not saying to shut the world out.  I am saying seek a system of support emotionally, seek therapy to learn new ways of forming relationships, and learn how to set healthy boundaries.  You deserve to be treated the same way you treat others.  You deserve to love and be loved.  Make a plan, get back into school, and start building a great life because you deserve it!  Learn from this relationship and later on down the road you will have the skills necessary to never be treated like this again or accept being treated this way.  You are very young and have the power to make changes in your life.  You are also old enough to set boundaries if someone is treating you poorly. 

   If you are uncomfortable, initially, with seeking help then a great place to start when you need to figure out what if anything is wrong is Google scholar.  I wouldn’t do a regular internet search on this subject but get information from very reliable sources.  Search for things that you are wondering about “Emotional abuse” “infidelity” “red flags of abuse” etc.  We have all found our way here because of that initial Google search and while it is wonderful being able to connect with others who share your experience and pain it should be limited to just that, sharing experiences.  In order to heal learn about what has happened to you from professionals and professional sources.  I can share my experience and give advice but I can’t show you how to heal because I have no experience, other than my own, on which to reference.  Each of us are on our own journeys and it is up to each of us on how hard we work to heal from the trauma we have endured.  I will list some articles, journals, and basic information that may be helpful for you and the rest is up to you.  Good luck on your healing journey and if you need emotional support we are always here for a shoulder to lean on!


Narcissist Problems

Here is an idea on where to start from resources available on Google Scholar


Psychological Reports 1979 45:2 , 590-590


Psychological Trauma and the Adult Survivor: Theory, Therapy, and Transformation

 By I. Lisa McCann PhD., Laurie Anne Pearlman PhD.



Dating infidelity: Behaviors, reasons and consequences.

Roscoe, Bruce; Cavanaugh, Lauri E.; Kennedy, Donna R.

Adolescence, Vol 23(89), 1988, 35-43.

Surveyed 247 17–23 yr olds concerning 3 issues: behaviors that constitute infidelity in a dating relationship, reasons for a dating partner to be unfaithful, and reactions to a dating partner's infidelity. Responses indicate more similarities than differences between dating infidelity and extramarital affairs with regard to behaviors, causes, and consequences. Results are discussed in terms of similarities between dating and marital infidelity and the rationale for professionals to interact with adolescents concerning the potential long-term consequences of dating infidelity. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2012 APA, all rights reserved)

May 16, 2015

Dear Narcissist Problems, " Crazie Sadie"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

      I'm dealing with a narcissist (an older woman in her late 50's) who's somehow fixated on me. Long story short we attend the same church so I only have to see / deal with her on Sundays. But what complicated it was late last year I was in a jam and she let me stay with her and her family for a couple of months. It was a completely platonic relationship but I believe she created (with the help of her different but equally crazy sister) something in her mind that clearly doesn't exist... Even though I don't look at her, NEVER call her and only say hello briefly and politely on Sundays at church - she still took it upon herself to through me a surprise birthday party last Sunday immediately after service... Now the thing is she knew all too well that I would hate such a thing, which I clearly did as was evident to all by my face and reaction... Lastly from my research it seems she falls into the category of being a passive narcissist... I can't begin to tell you the crazy (seemingly innocent) and highly disturbing crap I had to deal with when I was staying with her... Any advice or suggestions would be highly appreciated... It was an incredibly creepy experience and unfortunately seems to still continue to be... Glad I found you as especially as I don't think she's finished with her "wackiness", as paranoid as that might sound... OK, here's one example - when I got there she already knew that there was a time in my life, not all that long ago, where I struggled with drinking, I had shared that with her. Now fast forward a bit too just shortly after I moved in, we were talking about coffee, how we took ours etc., I told her I take mine black with honey. The next day, or day after that, she shows me where the honey was in the kitchen, and it was in between an pint of over proof Jamaican rum on one side and a bottle of painkillers (heavy duty ones) on the other. Now I know that sounds weird and over the top but it's literally and absolutely the truth... I mean who keeps there honey between a pint of over proof Jamaican rum and pain killers!?!?!?


“Crazy Sadie"



Dear “Crazie Sadie”,

     It sounds like you have a case of narcissist problems on your hands and I’m glad you didn’t waste any more precious time before seeking out help and/or advice.  First I would like to say, it’s probably not you, it’s her!  The first observation that you made is that crazy of this breed typically runs in families.  If there is one narcissist there are most likely others who come from the same family nest.  In this case it is the sister consider all others flying monkeys and proceed with caution.  I hope you live in a very big town and if not consider fleeing the planet immediately.  When you made the statement “Whose somehow fixated on me” you could not have been any closer to hitting the nail on the head.  Of course she is fixated on you, from what you describe, she is a narcissist!  True to narcissistic form she has sought out your company because you are providing her with much needed supply be it with negative or positive reactions.  Narcissists use others to fulfill a never ending void within their souls.  She needs you to fill this void and you have been.  By seeking her assistance when you were in your jam you inadvertently turned her into a martyr.  She “cares for you”, she “has done everything in her power to assist you including throwing the birthday party to make you feel special and appreciated (after you have most likely instructed her that you want nothing to do with her), and she has “no idea what she has done for you to treat her so poorly” because of your reaction to the party she threw.  Que world’s tiniest violin.  Now, you used to like your coffee with honey and probably don’t anymore because this simple pleasure now makes you want to fall off the wagon.  This is the thing you and everyone should understand when making an observation of this sort (honey between narcotics and booze).  When we first make a friend we fill them in on little details about our lives which they will use later as ammunition against us.  Your narcissist was not counting on your extreme amount of will power and had probably already started telling others in your circle that she is so “worried for you because his life is in shambles, he is homeless and started binge drinking again and to top it off he is now addicted to painkillers as well and I know because he nearly downed my whole prescription ohhhhh what do I doooooo?!?!?!?!”.  She has most likely turned you into an out of control, pill popping, alcoholic and she just doesn’t know what to do to help you.  I am very sorry to inform you but the smear campaign is most likely already underway and has been for quite some time.  You may want to keep telling yourself that you are being paranoid but let me be the first honest one to give you advice on this; you are not being paranoid.  All those strange glances you are receiving from others who know her or know people who know her is their passive aggressive way to condemn you for the monster she has created you to be.  Others will not ask you about the gossip and rumors.  One place a narcissist loves to hangout is also in a church so now that you have made this connection please be very wary of people in all social settings and brush up on the red flags of an emotional vampire.  There is only one thing left to do and that is to cut off all contact with this person and possibly everyone the two of you know mutually.  If you have to leave the church, town, or country please do so because once a narcissist is fixated on you their attention will not be adverted until one of you has died.  These people go to great lengths to make our lives a living hell so proceed with caution.  Document the crazy.  Even the little stuff that makes you think you are “paranoid”.  Most likely that paranoid feeling is your mind trying to convince your intuition to shut up and act normal.  There is no normal when dealing with narcissist problems and I wish you the best of luck.  This is a true case of kill or be killed, emotionally or physically.  Document the insanity very well and just prepare yourself mentally to end up taking this lady to court eventually.

P.S. Give yourself permission to stop saying hello, even this simple gesture is creating an emotional vampire feeding frenzy.


Narcissist Problems