The Events of our lives happen in a sequence in time, but in their significance to ourselves, they find their own order

Eudora Welty

                When a person gets the urge to write, with a zillion thoughts being pumped through my brain like cars speeding through the streets of New York City, where do you start? I don’t like black ink.  My only friend these past few months has been Jose Cuervo.  I was at the lowest point of my life, the point where you try to see your future and you see nothing but a vast emptiness.  The only thing to keep me going was a single thought; “This will not last forever, you will be happy again, you will be sane again”.  Discomfort along with happiness these feelings will fill your being to extremes and then release you onto your next lesson to be learned.  In the past year, more within the past six months, I entered a stage in life of complete dissatisfaction.  I have felt loneliness, love, remorse, self- contemplation, mourning, loss, and renewal.  I gave up but continued to hurtle myself into the next day.  I laughed, I loved, I cried, and I shed pieces of my soul like a snake’s skin.  I stood empty yet filled with emotion deep in quiet solitude for only a few months even though each day I felt like dying.  What was I doing? Where was I going? Why am I so black and white?  I’m ready for my next shot. 

Change.  I despise and welcome you, as threatening as change is. I was angry and upset.  I was crawling out of my skin again.  If I could describe what taking place was, my soul if I have one was a huge lump of Mercury, silver liquid, and each step I took I could feel it oozing slowly dripping.  I am sure I left a trail of it everywhere I walked, everywhere I sat to think.  The beach, the blue, the green, and the blue.  Sun setting, the orange; how wonderful, the hot hot orange and red.  It will be miserable tomorrow.  I walked for miles in the sand; the dripping of mercury, the waves, the sand, and more sand.  I thought some more, quiet, serene, and the loneliness.  It began to rain.  As it sprinkled I walked and the sand stuck to my clothing now.  I sat there in the dunes, in the beach grass and it rained harder.  I was soaked with my hair in clumpy strands it stuck to my face.  I began my two mile walk back to civilization, wet, cold, and sandy.  I walked, shedding that mercury.  If I had opened my mouth to speak I was positive the only thing that would escape was a horrific screech.  I imagined that violent release leaving my being at supersonic speeds.  I envisioned the landscape around me shattering as the screech passed by and after everything crumbled around me floating into nothingness I would be left watching in the blackness.  I would be left there with my lonely contemplation and nowhere to go.  I remained silent for three entire months.  I welcomed every chance I had to truly be alone.  I needed to know myself.  I needed answers to my past and I needed a vision for my future, solitude.  I pushed all human contact away.  I needed to be alone, I needed to scream, and I needed myself.  I was searching for spirituality and I was searching for understanding.  To understand myself and this planet I live on.  I accepted kali, the Goddess of death and change.  I felt her breathing down my neck.  I have been feeling her for a very long time but I refused to give into her before, but now, now I am standing here face to face with the inevitable.  I am no longer scared.  I am no longer running as her arms stretched out to greet me.  Closing my eyes, I smelled her breath hot and horrible.   Devour me now, Chew my flesh, chew my bones and lick every last drop of my blood.  I welcome the excretion of my being from her bowels, renew me, I thank and welcome you for this.  Change.  I now recognize my past and how this effects my future. I recognize myself, what I already knew and what I have learned.  Sorrow.

                The best advice I could ever give is to know yourself.  To truly know yourself is a divine gift, one that nobody can take away.  To look past everything you have ever known, dig deep, and don’t be afraid. I embrace the chances I get to sit in complete solitude.  How do you affect other people? How do you affect society and what do you contribute to the world around you?  Why are you here?  I do not believe in coincidence, especially when it involves the people I meet and know. I used to think that I needed people and it’s true everyone needs people, you can’t move forward in your life without them.  Think of all the people you have ever known, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  You have needed each of these people to learn, to learn about yourself and to propel you into the world and into your future.  Every single person you have ever spoken to you have needed and just Maybe you have known before.  We need each other.

                I have recently learned that I love to dance.  I love learning about different cultures, I love learning new languages.  My communication skills and understanding of this world are evolving uniquely.  I am grateful for this.  I understand I will never be happy with or accept the 9-5, the white picket fence, the 1.5 children, because this is not me.  This is not why I am here.  My heart and intuition guide me and I follow.  I am loyal, trustworthy, and I cherish my few friends.  I love to be funny and I love to laugh.  I love to make you laugh. I see through fakeness and I am a great judge of character.  I am a human compass.  I am so insecure yet might be one of the strongest humans you will ever meet. I am determined and ambitious.  I will be brutally honest if it will help you.  I will never hurt you on purpose so tell me if I do otherwise I will not know.  I love deeply and appreciate imperfections.  I love the freckle under your eye.  Be as human as possible because I adore the gesture.  If I let you into my little world it will be very hard to let you go.  I will cherish and adore you but please don’t hurt me because I will never forgive you.  I try not to show emotion and if I do be grateful you were able to experience it.  I do nothing half assed in any aspect of my life.  In any kind of relationship I need all of you because I am giving you all of myself.  The worst feeling in the world is being crestfallen, the best feeling is falling in love.  To look into your lover’s eyes and trust they are falling in love with you also.  The first soft kiss, to just lay and joke and make each other laugh for hours.  The new discoveries when you think you know them and to find something you never noticed about them before.  The mutual understanding, caring, admiration, lust, respect and you can’t get enough of that person.  When you are apart, to constantly think about that person and know they are thinking of you too.  To search for each other just to make eye contact when you are with other people, to listen to their heart beating, head on their chest, beating and it’s the only sound you care about.  How great it was to first meet and how great it is to know them better than they know themselves.  Adore all of the imperfections because those imperfections make that person so perfect to you.  The mutual understanding, so rare and hard to find yet we let these things go to grasp a future that seems unobtainable with them.  Why? 

                I like honey.  I like sweet tea. I love to cook.  I love company.  I love making people happy.  I love to make people feel loved.  I will stand up for my friends but I will stand up for myself 10 times more.  I believe in me.  I believe in Love.  I am too passionate.  I am extremely passionate.  I can’t do anything without full effort and care.   I don’t like French fries.  I can’t tolerate cheating and liars.  I despise people who say one thing and do another.  I despise people who use others to make themselves feel better.  I could never use a person because I am too fragile to be used.  I believe in karma…

Narcissist Problems

Memoirs of a Scapegoat

Little girl with jelly on your face, Trapped in time, inside your box.

I wish I could apologize for what the world has brought.

I wish my tears could cleanse you of all the hurt you have felt.

Such an innocent smile, I wish I could have saved you.

You were always happy by default.

The only tears you knew were those of a scrapped knee.

I’m sorry for the years, I wish I could have preserved you;

In your tiny sun dress.

I’m sorry I exposed you to them,

The criticism was worse than UV rays.

I could have stopped them but you needed to grow.

You had no idea what the future held,

Your innocent mind explored everything.

Each day you moved forward you had no clue.

You trusted everyone and I let everyone hurt you.

They opened up your unknowing soul.

“I love you” was a hug but today I see you get tense by hearing these words.

When you learned to read, Remember Green Eggs and ham?

You would read to anyone willing to listen.

You caught frogs and built tree houses in summer.

Look at what they have done to you, did I mention that I’m sorry?

Each unwanted word is like being lashed

Tense muscles, nervous breakdown, on Zoloft.

Trying to escape a body you once enjoyed,

I’m sorry

  
   

Unsent Letter

The Unsent letter,

I’m writing a letter to you for the first time in my life.  This might be the first of many but hopefully not.  I am letting you go this year.  There is nothing that I miss, nothing I remember that was truly loving, or caring.  In fact, in the 34 years I have known you I realize I spent those years trying to make you happy, trying to be good enough, always trying harder, trying to please you, and be “helpful”.  I was your enabler because I allowed you to treat me as your slave and punching bag all of those years because I didn’t know anything different.  Your words are bullets.  Your words slither through an open window on a hot summer night like a serial killer upon its prey.  You are a predator.  When a prey is trying to escape from a predator they run, and run, and run even when out of danger.  The panic does not leave but the prey knows it is still being stalked.  You stalk and destroy.  Now I know this, and the worst part is that you have helpers.  A pack of hyenas’ so sure of yourselves in your abuse and cruelty.  In this cruelty you find pleasure.  Almost two years ago I was forced to leave my home, my town, and everyone who I ever loved in order to stop your abuse and to try to heal from the aftermath of your grand finale.  True to your predator form you continue to stalk and find your prey.  You are now calling me the narcissist because I “abandon” you.  Over and over you sent images of narcissistic behavior that “applies” to me but your only example is that I abandon you.  You said that I am cold hearted and uncaring and you hope you get to watch when I am served the karma I deserve for hurting you by leaving.  As if I had left on a whim to my fairytale life.  By going No Contact with you to preserve my sanity and my family I have now been labeled as your abuser.  You sure do have a string of abusers in your life. After all this time you still hunt me down to poke me with a stick like some possum on the side of the road that you want to make sure is dead.  The things you have done to me it seems like you don’t only want me to disappear now I know with all of my heart you want me dead.  You will not stop until I am dead and you won’t be satisfied until then.  The sick part is that I know you will never kill me yourself, you want me to do it.  For years you have been breaking me down and tearing me apart with every chance you could.  I would feel insane by now, but guess what?  I am not alone.  You consider my abandonment of you as abuse but you are forgetting the long line of people you victimized along your years on this earth.  You say I left everyone because I never cared.  You forgot to add the part where you spent years shredding my relationships to pieces with your lies, slander, gossip, and triangulation.  I left everyone I ever loved because I could no longer trust anybody.  If I confided in someone what you were doing I quickly found out that I was automatically disbelieved because you had made sure to do all of the preventive lying you could manage so nobody would find out what a hideous monster you really are.  It’s easier for all of you to think I am crazy, irrational, and suffering from a mental disorder (whichever disorder you chose to pick for me during that period).  I tried to reach out to people I loved and trusted and they turned their backs on me because they didn’t see what you did to provoke, they only seen my reaction, and you had warned them that I was “losing it”…..and I am a pathological liar.  My relationships were shattered and I was the last to find out when I need my loved ones the most.  The people who did see the truth, because they have been your victims as well and stood up for me, you ridiculed and ostracized them in the same manner all over again.  Harassing us with your false allegations to police and other government officials.  I bet you never seen it coming when you were found out.  Playing the innocent victim and you finally got caught in your web of lies publicly.   Don’t you dare try to turn me into the uncaring bastard child you wish you had aborted?  I realized today, it doesn’t even matter.  I was sad and anxious again knowing the things you were telling people because you wanted me to know.  I’ve had enough, today I am letting you go.  I will not let the fear of YOU control my life any longer.  You have had 35 years to know me in which you spent that time degrading me, humiliating me, punishing me for fun, turning my loved ones against me, You used me as a maid, cook, your bill payer,  as a slave, you tried to wreck my marriage, you tried to use the courts to kidnap my children,  You made false allegations to government officials anonymously and all the while you smiled and played the caring martyr role acting as if you had no idea why I was being investigated by police, child protective services, or the IRS.  Months of investigations and each time this was your “evidence” that I was unstable.  You never even had the fear of getting caught in your deceit until it finally happened and then you continued to play the victim.  You were following your heart, I will never forget those words after all was said and done.  You enjoyed every second of the nightmare you created in my life but I should forgive you because you were following your heart.  At that moment I knew that in your heart you wanted to destroy me and there never was a reason except you enjoyed watching my pain and you always have.  I can’t have contact with you because you tried to ruin my life, you tried to legally kidnap my children, and then when all else failed you tried to have my husband deported.  There are no lengths you will not go to in order to create chaos and drama and all the while you sit there with your tub of movie theater popcorn watching in delight.  The only thing that gives me any solace about what happened is that you got caught and then I am reminded of the horrors you tried to get away with and the anxiety is refreshed.  Yes I have trust issues and I think I have earned them.  I have spent this time away from you analyzing every awful thing that has happened to me in my life and now I know it was all planned.  You planned all of the horrible things you did in my life because you enjoyed my pain.  You made me want to disappear every time you tried to ruin my self -esteem by pointing out my body flaws in front of anyone who would participate in the criticism.  You have called me a drug addict, a thief, a liar, and a whore and “no wonder nobody likes you” when it was really you who is the addict, the thief, and the liar.  You made keys to my homes and let yourself in and took whatever you desired.  You did this to others as well and then you blamed me.  I never found out about this until your “grand finale”.  For years people have been treating me as if I was a disease and I never knew why until the end.  The truth has a funny way of coming to light, in this case, in a courtroom.  I have spent my life anxious and inadequate always trying harder to please people thinking if only I loved more and did more people would like me.  People were never going to like me as long as you are around and I know this now.  Not only were the people not going to like me I was a horrible judge on the kind of people who I should want to like me.  I am finally starting to love myself and respect myself.  I am slowly letting people into my life who are good people, kind, caring, supportive, reassuring, loving, funny, loyal, trustworthy, happy, and whole.  I will no longer tolerate people who use and disrespect me and I’m OK being alone if that is what I need to do to create an amazing life.  The loneliness I have endured has been enough to last five lifetimes.  The utter isolation.  The Lack of boundaries.  During your grand finale it was like an explosion of bullshit.  In one week I was being investigated by the government, my boss fired me, and all of my “friends” were whispering about the horrible things I had done.  I was the last to find out about all of those horrible things I was guilty of.   You called my boss and let her in on my “troubles” and then I was fired that week.  Then you contacted everyone who ever knew me to let them in on my problems.  You decided to become a foster parent because you thought the government would pay you every month for my children instead of getting a job.  You have never had a job.  You have spent your life using people.  YOU HAVE NEVER HAD A JOB.  You will never use my children. I’ve carried around your guilt and shame for too many years to count and today I am giving it back to you.  I’m sick of walking around feeling permanently flawed and damaged as if I have a thick layer of disgusting slime covering my repugnant body.  You and they can all think what you want and you can keep threatening to “find me” but guess what?  I am done running away from you.  I have been running away from YOU.  You destroy people and lives and you are never going to change and you will never again guilt me into coming back because I am mean, cruel, and uncaring because I refuse to let you trample my boundaries and my heart.  You are a murderer.  You murder souls and you enjoy it and you will never stop.  I know this now and I am done.  Keep stalking your prey and pretending to be the victim when others are around.  When I was younger and in therapy you told me something that never made sense until recently “You can’t talk about what goes on in our house or they will take you away to foster care”.  To me that was the worst thought imaginable and I was your ally.  You no longer have the power to silence me.  I will no longer hide my life and my experiences to protect you.  The monster in this relationship is not the monster you have made everyone to believe that I am.  The monster is you and your lies, and rage, your sneakiness, your manipulation, and all the hurt you have done to me and to others.  I watched my whole life as you provoked people until they reacted and watched as you so innocently played the victim.  You play the victim so well that you got away with your abuse while your true victims had to deal with police and courts.  You are the epitome of all that is evil in human nature.  So take your threats of me “having what’s coming for you” and “I will find you in this age of technology” and shove them up your pathetic ass.  I refuse to live my life being scared and anxious.  I refuse to feel like a “bad girl” every day.  I refuse to live my life believing I am flawed and damaged.  I am finished feeling like I do not deserve to be loved or respected.  Today I am officially taking my thoughts and my life away from you.  I refuse to be and feel manipulated, condemned, bashed, censored, silenced, humiliated, degraded, disgraced, dishonored, chastised, ashamed, embarrassed, mortified, horrified,  guilt ridden, damaged, diseased, contaminated, ostracized, detested, eradicated, erased, lied to, lied about, slandered, triangulated, pushed aside, blamed, accused, intimidated, coerced, blackmailed, bullied, extorted, attacked, tormented, oppressed, tortured, haunted, hated, tainted, taunted, threatened, or terrorized by another human being ever again for the rest of my life.  You can have all of that back.  I will mourn your loss as if you had already died.  There is only moving forward and that is what I plan to do.  Heal, rebuild, restore, grow, mature, learn, love, show and receive affection, dance, cry, feel, absorb and engage in life, and laugh.  You no longer have the power to take these things away from me.  I will spend every day for the rest of my life setting goals and reaching them successfully because I am good enough.

Sincerely,

Narcissist Problems

Assumption is the Gossip of intellectual logic

          Narcissists use assumptions or false beliefs to define the world around them.  To understand this further we need to explore the definition of assumption which is “a willingness to accept something as true without question or proof” (Cambridge University Press 2015) .  All people have assumptions which can turn into beliefs with no personal experience.  However, a narcissist rarely uses any logic or evidence to form their beliefs, especially in regards to their relationships with others.

Normal people do not form a belief of a “loved” ones entire personality based upon assumptions but rather on inferences (personal experience).  According to the Cambridge dictionary an inference “is a belief or opinion that you develop from the information that you know” (Cambridge University Press 2015) .  Normal people base their beliefs on others personalities and behaviors based on what they have learned through experience with that person.  A narcissist typically does not do this because they create a role for you in their minds and they are unable to believe or learn that their original assumptions were false. 

Anyone who has dealt with a narcissist knows their daily lives will be filled with assumptions and gossip.  Whether you are the new supply to these parasites or their targeted scapegoat you are exposed to two toxic behaviors, assumption and gossip.  Let’s explore these behaviors from the beginning of the relationship to the end. In my personal experience, we could call this inference, one day the relationship with the narcissist will be fine and then one day a giant explosion of bullshit will take place and this is when you slowly find out all of the assumptions about yourself that have been passed off to others as gossip guised as concern for a loved one.

Here is how it works:

      A narcissist will label you with a problem such as a drug addiction and then gossip to others so they believe this false assumption as well.  None of these people has actually experienced you being a drug addict so these assumptions never enter reality or have the possibility to become an inference.  As humans, once we form a belief, whether based on an assumption or inference, we stop questioning the validity of the matter.  This belief becomes a fact and is rarely questioned.  This is an extreme manipulation of reality on the part of the narcissist and accepted by the majority of people who are exposed to the narcissist’s assumptions.  This is why we are often left to suffer alone and in silence after an encounter with one of these individuals.  This is why assumptions are the gossip of intellectual logic.      

Assumptions will be formed to assign the roles people play in the narcissists mind.  Your role in the narcissist’s life will include parent, child, spouse, neighbor, friend, and the most common enemy. If you have a narcissist as a parent be prepared for a rough life ahead of you.  You will be used, manipulated, stolen from, lied to, gas-lighted, and the run of the mill emotional torture until one of you dies or you disappear.  If you are lucky you were the scapegoat of your soul murderer and not the favorite.  This is probably the only instance in life where you will be done more justice being treated as the "red headed step child".  Why??  One day you will be the one to realize that things are not what they appear to be and most likely this will happen early because your role as family punching bag was chosen from day one.    

 Your role does not really matter because the treatment doled out by these emotional vampires is typically the same depending on the amount of soul you supply to sustain their insatiable appetite.  They define individuals based on a reflection of their own emotion, fear, or insecurities instead of on reality.  They do this by projecting all of their bad qualities onto you and then absorbing all of your good qualities until you are seen as all bad, by everyone you have ever known.  The false assumption of who you are and what you are worth forms their reality.  Their reality is black/white or Good VS. Evil.  Their reality consists of many T.V. Novela like dramas performed by the people in their lives and of course they are the producers of these dramas.

Narcissists do not think logically but rather emotionally which leads to the destruction of those closest to them.  Instead of relying on experience to base their beliefs on they prefer to rely on assumptions which they form based on emotions. Normal people have the ability to take a step back from problems in order to critically evaluate the situation.  When a normal person is in conflict with other people they seek a resolution to the conflict and hopefully a mutual understanding.  Normal people take this step away in order to detach from the conflict emotionally. 

A narcissist will do the exact opposite.  When a narcissist is in conflict with others they remain emotional and instead of stepping away they engage the conflict.  They aggravate the situation almost the way a neglected child acts out to gain the attention of their parent.  They scream, cry, throw objects, or revert to physically harming you. The conflict continually escalates.  If they fail to get their way, and this is all that matters, the war has officially been declared.  In their minds they must win at all costs even if they are wrong because they do not have the ability to form sound beliefs from their own human experience so they can’t understand that they are being irrational or illogical.  If you have injured their ego you will suffer the wrath.  What does this wrath look like? 

Stages of Conflict with a narcissist:

Stage 1: Initial conflict/rage;

A disagreement occurs which becomes highly emotional, tantrum like, stomping, shouting, crying, and blaming with the possibility of violence.

Stage 2: Quiet before the Storm

The healthy individual distances themselves from the situation in order to evaluate the situation and determine the next steps to take.  During this break a normal person begins to calm down.  On the other hand, the narcissist is left with a seething rage that will not simmer until they have inflicted pain on you.  If you find yourself in a battle with a narcissist it truly is a battle to the death of one of you.  At this point, the normal individual is most likely deciding to end the relationship or seek counseling.  However, many times the rational thinker will try to resolve this conflict and return to find a resolution then end up apologizing for the sake of the relationship.  If you return to make amends just know the battles will only get worse over time because the narcissist in your life now knows how to manipulate and control you.

Stage 3: Resolution or Revenge

After the conflict you took time to step away from the situation to give yourself some time to breathe and think about the situation rationally.  The narcissist, again, did the opposite.  After much thought you have finally decided to end the relationship with this train wreck in your life. I say finally because these conflicts have probably happened numerous times before you decided to call it quits.  You are filled with an intense inexplicable fear and a fight or flight response.  You are nervous and anxious.  The sound of your phone ringing makes you jump and you are afraid to leave your house because you know what this person is capable of. You know what they are capable of because you have seen what they have done to others who have pissed them off.  You remember this soul murderer slashing the tires of enemies, gossiping, backstabbing, and creating havoc for others in dark places at secret times while they plotted their revenge.  You know it is just a matter of time before they get their revenge on you. Your time is coming and you can feel the devil breathing down your neck.  This fear is unbelievably debilitating and over the next few weeks you isolate yourself. 

3 steps of stage 3:

A: Gossiping

This is step A of stage three for the narcissist.  Annihilate the enemy (you) while pretending to be the victim. While you are isolating yourself and licking your wounds your emotional vampire is out there living it up.  They are out their making a point to mingle with YOUR friends, YOUR family, and YOUR co-workers. They begin telling your family and friends how much they really liked them but because of your problems and your abusive personality things are coming to an end in your relationship.  They will even make things up while simultaneously throwing you under the bus or reveling all of your secrets.  All those secrets you shared are now being used against you.  Remember the time you were injured and your doctor prescribed a narcotic for a few days?  Now you are labeled a drug addict who abuses prescription meds.  You may have only had one doctor visit with a follow up but to a narcissist that will translate into your doctor shopping, sometimes in multiple states, in order to get enough pills to feed your addiction.  This story will be told to your co-workers when the narcissist just happens to bump into them or when they call your job when they don't see your car at work.  They call your job voicing their concerns about not seeing you and they are concerned for your health and safety because of your drug addiction and isn't there anybody there who could help.  The narcissist needs help because they just don't know what to do anymore. 

Step B: Drive enemy to insanity

 Drive you insane until you are forced to react.  They do this by breaking into your home and stealing things or moving objects around.  Simultaneously they try to sabotage you and all that you love. Your credit will be ruined, cash will be spent, and the reason is because YOU are a drug addict.  Nobody will ever find out you are broke and possibly homeless at this point because the narcissist has taken out numerous lines on your credit and maxed all of them out leaving you with an enormous amount of debt.  Further, remember how the narcissist was left in charge of paying the bills? Well they haven't been paid in 6 months and now you are being evicted.  You drive to work hoping to bring in some cash only to find out that you were fired for some random reason so insignificant that you are sure this must be a joke.  It’s not.  Your friends begin to avoid you and you are pretty positive that even members of your own family are giving you dirty looks.  Basically, everyone seems to hate your guts but you assume you are being paranoid because nobody will ever tell you what they think you did.  It doesn't matter if you never did what they are assuming but the belief has been planted and the deterioration of your life is the proof.  The solid truth of the matter is now that you are a bonified junkie, just look at your life!  After getting fired you go out to start your car and you find your tires are all slashed.  You get them repaired.  Then your engine breaks down because someone poured sugar in your gas tank.  The story going around is that you owed a drug dealer money and they vandalized your car to teach you a lesson.  You are now homeless, carless, and jobless but it ain't over 'til it’s over. It will not be over until your life-force has been sucked out of you and you have been batted around like a cat playing with a mouse until your death. Preferably, your death is long, emotionally painful, drawn out, and filled with many personal tragedies. The desired outcome is your death by method of suicide.  If your will is too strong to succumb to suicide my best advice is to remain hyper vigilant or leave the planet.

Step C: Lifetime control of you through fear

Ten years from now your car will break down in the middle of nowhere out on some desert highway. BAM! That's the moment the narcissist shows up to remind you who is in control. You hear an engine revving as some maniac is coming down the road like a bat out of hell. The hairs raise on your neck and you are not sure if you should hide but tell yourself you are being paranoid.   You decide to flag the car down to help you but instead you do a dive roll off the highway to avoid becoming roadkill.   After you dust yourself off from your dive into the nearest ditch, you see the car turn around and come back for more.  While you probably would wish the maniac would just get it over with and run you over, they don’t.  Instead they turn on their high beams and stay at your heels as you run away while they are honking and laughing at your desperate attempt to escape.  Revenge is a dish best served cold and you are going to be getting some very cold helpings to this dish for the rest of your life. 

What now?

The only advice I can offer is to document the crazy, trust your gut, and take them to court if need be.  This is a battle until the last man is standing so never underestimate their ability to manipulate the world with their delusional assumptions in order to make your life a living hell.  This will include taking away your joy, peace, emotional, and physical freedom.  Be prepared for a new level of crazy when you try to enforce boundaries with these individuals.  You are a meal to them and they are starving!  Protect yourself by going no contact.  If need be get a restraining order.  If possible change your identity and leave the town, leave the state, leave the country, and hope to someday leave the planet because they will never stop trying to track you down.     

Cambridge Dictionaries Online (US). (n.d.). Retrieved April 15, 2015, from http://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/american-english/inference

 

Dear Narcissist Problems,

 

Dear Narcissist Problems,
I have been dealing with a horrible situation in the work place and I need some advice. I will start with a little back ground; I used to enjoy going to work every day. Now I don’t. What changed? The possibility of a promotion. I was under the impression that we would be promoting at least 2 people in our office. I started training for this promotion with another woman and the situation got awkward pretty quickly. Before I enjoyed going to ...work and pretty much remaining invisible all day. I miss this now because I feel like I have been thrown into the middle of some gossiping, backstabbing, and typical work place drama. I try to avoid drama at all costs but this is unavoidable. Apparently the situation has turned into a “competition” between the two of us. This is the gossip. However, I was under the impression that we were both most likely going to be promoted so I don’t see it as a competition. It started with some little work place bullying tactics… for instance, one day 3 other employees came to ask when the baby was due.. Confused, I said “I’m not pregnant” and each person said “Oh! Sally (not real name) told us you were expecting!” Sally is the “competitions” BFF at work. Let’s call the “Competition” Helga, it seems fitting. Over the course of two weeks I have watched as people who used to tell me hello every day and were always friendly are now avoiding me, avoiding morning hellos, or just seem like a deer caught in headlights if I approach them to ask how they are doing. Olga is an avid social networker and has added many of our co-workers to her social networking sights. I do not have work friends and I do not have anyone I add to my social networking, I enjoy my privacy. This week, my supervisors will barely look at me or say hello. Let’s say my name is Megan. Today, on my break, I was approached outside by a co-worker who begins a rant “I hope you win the “competition” (their words, not mine) because that Megan is a horrible supervisor! She is bossing people around, doing this! Doing that!” I stood there in a little shock and I said “That’s horrible! What else has Megan been doing?” I stood there and listened to a two minute rant about how horrible Megan was before I finally said “Well that is weird because, I am Megan and I don’t remember any of that.” The gossiper who ruined my lunch break looked mortified as she tried to excuse herself “Oh I meant to say Helgaaaa!” From my understanding after today the gossip is so bad that people don’t even realize they are talking about me….when they are talking to me about me. Apparently I am horrible and have turned this promotion into a competition and I treat everyone like crap. I spoke with a supervisor when the “problem” first started and apparently that was me creating “drama” and my way of “competing”. Obviously, ignoring it since then is making the situation worse. Before this, I thought I had a decent work relationship with all of these people. Further, we were told if there is only room for one “supervisor in training” first come first serve. I’ve been coming in late hoping they won’t ask me. Olga has been coming to work an hour early every day and refusing to do her regular job by leaving early if she is asked to. I’ve been under the impression that we were both probably getting promoted so I don’t even ask. Point, when they ask me, I don’t want to “train” anymore. Today when they asked me I asked if the other person could do it and I was told “No, they want you to do it”. Being asked first also makes the situation worse in a passive aggressive way. Dirty looks, cold shoulder, walking by with your BFF while snickering. When I am at work I feel like I am walking on eggshells and if I didn’t have bills to pay I wouldn’t even go back. I have started looking for a new job. I didn’t want to be forced to get a new job but it seems like this is my only option. In the meantime, how do I tell my boss to please opt me out of this promotion? How do I deal with the drama and gossip from co-worker’s?

Regards,

"Megan" The Horrible

Fan Advice below please! Have you found yourself in this situation? How did you deal with it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear "Megan The Horrible",

     I am very sorry to hear about your troubles at work.  It seems as though you might be dealing with a narcissist or perhaps a few adults who stopped maturing emotionally when they hit puberty.  From my experience,  the emotional development of some individuals seems to be stunted at the ages of 12-15 (the leader of the drama usually seems to be stunted in the toddler years) because all the nutrients in their bodies get redirected to their reproductive organs.  The first thing I would advise is to recognize that you are not dealing with adults, yet children parading in adult bodies.  Unfortunately, these individuals can be found in any environment work, social, or in our families.  The question you should ask yourself is what behavior will you tolerate?  If their behavior is intolerable you should find a new place of employment like yesterday.  Until then, do NOT participate in these daily T.V. novela's.  That's exactly what they are, real life soap operas.  Dramas people create in their minds and then act out while pretending to be the star in their production.  I'm sorry to say this but the soap opera currently being performed in your office you are in the role of "Office Villain".  This has already been determined.  You are the target that everyone loves to hate.  Minimize your social interactions, stop bringing the situation up to your supervisors, and start working on your evil villain laugh because your role as office scapegoat is unlikely to change.  Put on your bitch face and keep in mind you will soon be onto much greener pastures.  In the meantime, socialize with people who love and care about you, find away to laugh your way through this, and make sure to lead by example.  You obviously were offered this promotion for a reason.  You are strong, motivated, and do great work!  Someday you will reach a position of authority and when you do enforce a zero tolerance policy against workplace bullying. 

 Good Luck to you!

Narcissist Problems

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