Showing posts with label validation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label validation. Show all posts

May 7, 2016

Dear Narcissist Problems, "Confused"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

     I know it's possible to have PTSD from being in an abusive relationship. I have yet to run this by my shrink. But imagine this. The narc so quickly scooped me up from a marriage I choose to leave. Blinded me of course. The destruction, loss of just about everyone and everything. I never gave my now ex-husband a second thought. Not one. Our bond a hidden box because to even think of him shamed me in fear of what my narc bf would think. Now that the spell is broken, we have been living apart fir 5 months, had a restraining order last Sumner, this is our 25th or so break up. But he knows I'm done. On to the next. .. But is it possible... for me to still be IN love with my ex-husband or is this just me mourning the huge loss of my life due to the narc. I'm coming to the thought that had I not been so enraptured by such a con artist, I would have given my then husband the second chance he rightly fully deserved....

Sincerely,

“Confused”

Dear “Confused”,

      You have described here the perfect example of a rebound relationship.  Unfortunately, your rebound after divorce landed you in the arms of an emotional predator.  Break ups of any kind can be devastating and leave us feeling broken, unloved, and unlovable, damaged, and left with a general sense of there something being wrong with us.  I am going to assume that you were love bombed by this narcissist you jumped into your next relationship with.  While you were experiencing rejection from your divorce here comes Mr. Wonderful who is full of immortal love and admiration for you.  He probably showered you in attention while simultaneously telling you that your ex was horrible and stupid for wanting to leave someone as amazing as you are.  What you didn’t do is give yourself space or a chance to think about things clearly before continuing on in this relationship.  I’m sure you ignored many red flags that this relationship would most likely be doomed to fail.  Now after this horrible experience with Mr. Wonderful you are probably doubting the problems that you had with your ex-husband.  There is a saying out there about nostalgia helping us forget all the bad while focusing on the good that occurred in past relationships.  This is probably why you are feeling confused about your ex-husband.  I would give yourself adequate time to sort out your feelings.  It seems as if you are a giver and in this moment you are trying to find someone to fill a void.  Someone to give that love to.  I want you to stop right now because you need to be giving that love to yourself.  Divorce doesn’t just happen.  There were reasons why you split up.  I’m not saying it’s impossible for you to still love your ex-husband but perhaps you should take things slow if anything and rebuild a friendship before exploring feelings of being in-love.  I don’t know about your childhood but you just might be confusing feelings of intensity with feelings of love.  Take a lot of time to get to know yourself before even considering a relationship with anyone other than yourself.  I hope this helps! Good luck to you on your healing journey!

Regards,

Narcissist Problems

April 3, 2016

Dear Narcissist: Suicide Queen

Dear Narcissist Problems,

I’m looking for a post about how narcissists want their victims to suicide. Was it shared here and if could you share the post again?

Sincerely,

Suicide Queens


  Dear Suicide Queen,

     You have come to the right place in regards to discussions taking place on the phenomenon of narcissists pushing their victims towards suicide.  I regret to inform you but in many cases I believe that this would be their ultimate victory.  For a narcissist they spend their lives destroying people mentally, spiritually, physically, and financially.  I wouldn’t say that a simple narcissist’s ultimate goal would be to push us to suicide as they seem to enjoy creating devastation in other ways.  They love to see us struggle, they manipulate us into believe we are over reacting or down right crazy, they enjoy toying with our minds.  If we no longer exist then the benefits we gave them would be gone.  I would rather reserve this situation of manipulating another into suicide to the narcissistic sociopath.  With these individuals they have total domination over us.  Narcissists love to torment us but a Narcissistic Sociopath wants to see our true demise.  This doesn’t come in the form of a person being financially ruined and homeless with no friends or family to lean on.  For the Narcissistic Sociopath the ultimate goal really would be the demise in the form of death.  However, they won’t typically do it themselves they want others to do it for them.  This is perpetrated by the systematic murdering of the victims self, their mentality, and reality.  In a book written by Scott M. Peck titled People Of the lie he described a situation of a family.  There was a mother, father, and two children.  I won’t go into the specifics of the narcissistic abuse but the gest of what took place is that the oldest son was push to commit suicide.  That following Christmas they gave the gun the older brother had killed himself with to the youngest son.  The reality of this is unspeakable but here is a short quote for that book which explains what you were asking very well:

We come now to a sort of paradox. I have said that evil people feel themselves to be perfect. At the same time, however, I think they have an unacknowledged sense of their own evil nature. Indeed, it is this very sense from which they are frantically trying to flee. The essential component of evil is not the absence of a sense of sin or imperfection but the unwillingness to tolerate that sense. At one and the same time, the evil are aware of their evil and desperately trying to avoid the awareness. Rather than blissfully lacking a sense of morality, like the psychopath, they are continually engaged in sweeping the evidence of their evil under the rug of their own consciousness. For everything they did, Bobby's parents had a rationalization-a whitewash good enough for themselves even if not for me. The problem is not a defect of conscience but the effort to deny the conscience its due. We become evil by attempting to hide from ourselves. The wickedness of the evil is not committed directly, but indirectly as a part of this cover-up process. Evil Originates not in the absence of guilt but in the effort to escape it.

Peck, M. S. (1983). People of the lie: The hope for healing human evil. New York: Simon and Schuster.

 

The short answer, if I can find this post or not, yes a narcissist will push their victims into committing suicide.  Not only will they do this but they have created the illusion that the victim is and always has been unstable while leaving out the facts of all the deeds they have done to push their victim into that state of utter despair.  I hope this clears some things up for you.

As you are seeing there are Webpages popping up all over the place in recent years (THANK GOD for all you survivors who push forward as guiding lights).  If you stick around enough you will notice a common theme, these pages do not have to or need to be run by professionals i.e. doctors or psychologist.  What I found the best healing in was the story of others.  After a quick search I found this article from a Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/NarcMindGames/?fref=nf referring to Narcissists/suicide which stated:

"Narcissistic Abuse pushes the victim to their lowest feelings of human worthlessness, causes resultative trauma symptoms of emotional and physical paralysis, depression, confusion that leads to their total human dysfunction, destruction and leading to suicidal ideation. Suicide is often the only way out for an uneducated targeted victim of narcissistic abuse who does NOT recognize they are being abused by a pathological relationship narcissist. The victim does not realize s/he is being slowly murdered by the narcissists psychological behavioral applications of torture that NOBODY in society will recognize and validate, society does NOT see the narcissistic predator! The narcissist achieves his/her victim’s fatality by causing the suicide (psychological homicide) without getting any blood on their hands. This result is the ultimate victory for a NPD/ASPD (psychopath), s/he is in control!!"

 ----Narcissistic Mind Games of ASPD - Psychopath Violence - Victim Syndrome

I could go on and on about this topic for days and years, as I already have with no end in sight.  If you were wondering: Will/can a narcissist push a person to suicide?   The answer is yes.  Not only is the answer yes it just might be their ultimate goal so surround yourself with others who have been there and can sit here like I am today screaming from the rooftops THESE MONSTERS EXISTS SO PLEASE SAFE YOURSELF BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!!!!!!!!!

  Regards,

 Narcissist Problems

April 15, 2015

Unsent Letter


The Unsent letter,

I’m writing a letter to you for the first time in my life.  This might be the first of many but hopefully not.  I am letting you go this year.  There is nothing that I miss, nothing I remember that was truly loving, or caring.  In fact, in the 34 years I have known you I realize I spent those years trying to make you happy, trying to be good enough, always trying harder, trying to please you, and be “helpful”.  I was your enabler because I allowed you to treat me as your slave and punching bag all of those years because I didn’t know anything different.  Your words are bullets.  Your words slither through an open window on a hot summer night like a serial killer upon its prey.  You are a predator.  When a prey is trying to escape from a predator they run, and run, and run even when out of danger.  The panic does not leave but the prey knows it is still being stalked.  You stalk and destroy.  Now I know this, and the worst part is that you have helpers.  A pack of hyenas’ so sure of yourselves in your abuse and cruelty.  In this cruelty you find pleasure.  Almost two years ago I was forced to leave my home, my town, and everyone who I ever loved in order to stop your abuse and to try to heal from the aftermath of your grand finale.  True to your predator form you continue to stalk and find your prey.  You are now calling me the narcissist because I “abandon” you.  Over and over you sent images of narcissistic behavior that “applies” to me but your only example is that I abandon you.  You said that I am cold hearted and uncaring and you hope you get to watch when I am served the karma I deserve for hurting you by leaving.  As if I had left on a whim to my fairytale life.  By going No Contact with you to preserve my sanity and my family I have now been labeled as your abuser.  You sure do have a string of abusers in your life. After all this time you still hunt me down to poke me with a stick like some possum on the side of the road that you want to make sure is dead.  The things you have done to me it seems like you don’t only want me to disappear now I know with all of my heart you want me dead.  You will not stop until I am dead and you won’t be satisfied until then.  The sick part is that I know you will never kill me yourself, you want me to do it.  For years you have been breaking me down and tearing me apart with every chance you could.  I would feel insane by now, but guess what?  I am not alone.  You consider my abandonment of you as abuse but you are forgetting the long line of people you victimized along your years on this earth.  You say I left everyone because I never cared.  You forgot to add the part where you spent years shredding my relationships to pieces with your lies, slander, gossip, and triangulation.  I left everyone I ever loved because I could no longer trust anybody.  If I confided in someone what you were doing I quickly found out that I was automatically disbelieved because you had made sure to do all of the preventive lying you could manage so nobody would find out what a hideous monster you really are.  It’s easier for all of you to think I am crazy, irrational, and suffering from a mental disorder (whichever disorder you chose to pick for me during that period).  I tried to reach out to people I loved and trusted and they turned their backs on me because they didn’t see what you did to provoke, they only seen my reaction, and you had warned them that I was “losing it”…..and I am a pathological liar.  My relationships were shattered and I was the last to find out when I need my loved ones the most.  The people who did see the truth, because they have been your victims as well and stood up for me, you ridiculed and ostracized them in the same manner all over again.  Harassing us with your false allegations to police and other government officials.  I bet you never seen it coming when you were found out.  Playing the innocent victim and you finally got caught in your web of lies publicly.   Don’t you dare try to turn me into the uncaring bastard child you wish you had aborted?  I realized today, it doesn’t even matter.  I was sad and anxious again knowing the things you were telling people because you wanted me to know.  I’ve had enough, today I am letting you go.  I will not let the fear of YOU control my life any longer.  You have had 35 years to know me in which you spent that time degrading me, humiliating me, punishing me for fun, turning my loved ones against me, You used me as a maid, cook, your bill payer,  as a slave, you tried to wreck my marriage, you tried to use the courts to kidnap my children,  You made false allegations to government officials anonymously and all the while you smiled and played the caring martyr role acting as if you had no idea why I was being investigated by police, child protective services, or the IRS.  Months of investigations and each time this was your “evidence” that I was unstable.  You never even had the fear of getting caught in your deceit until it finally happened and then you continued to play the victim.  You were following your heart, I will never forget those words after all was said and done.  You enjoyed every second of the nightmare you created in my life but I should forgive you because you were following your heart.  At that moment I knew that in your heart you wanted to destroy me and there never was a reason except you enjoyed watching my pain and you always have.  I can’t have contact with you because you tried to ruin my life, you tried to legally kidnap my children, and then when all else failed you tried to have my husband deported.  There are no lengths you will not go to in order to create chaos and drama and all the while you sit there with your tub of movie theater popcorn watching in delight.  The only thing that gives me any solace about what happened is that you got caught and then I am reminded of the horrors you tried to get away with and the anxiety is refreshed.  Yes I have trust issues and I think I have earned them.  I have spent this time away from you analyzing every awful thing that has happened to me in my life and now I know it was all planned.  You planned all of the horrible things you did in my life because you enjoyed my pain.  You made me want to disappear every time you tried to ruin my self -esteem by pointing out my body flaws in front of anyone who would participate in the criticism.  You have called me a drug addict, a thief, a liar, and a whore and “no wonder nobody likes you” when it was really you who is the addict, the thief, and the liar.  You made keys to my homes and let yourself in and took whatever you desired.  You did this to others as well and then you blamed me.  I never found out about this until your “grand finale”.  For years people have been treating me as if I was a disease and I never knew why until the end.  The truth has a funny way of coming to light, in this case, in a courtroom.  I have spent my life anxious and inadequate always trying harder to please people thinking if only I loved more and did more people would like me.  People were never going to like me as long as you are around and I know this now.  Not only were the people not going to like me I was a horrible judge on the kind of people who I should want to like me.  I am finally starting to love myself and respect myself.  I am slowly letting people into my life who are good people, kind, caring, supportive, reassuring, loving, funny, loyal, trustworthy, happy, and whole.  I will no longer tolerate people who use and disrespect me and I’m OK being alone if that is what I need to do to create an amazing life.  The loneliness I have endured has been enough to last five lifetimes.  The utter isolation.  The Lack of boundaries.  During your grand finale it was like an explosion of bullshit.  In one week I was being investigated by the government, my boss fired me, and all of my “friends” were whispering about the horrible things I had done.  I was the last to find out about all of those horrible things I was guilty of.   You called my boss and let her in on my “troubles” and then I was fired that week.  Then you contacted everyone who ever knew me to let them in on my problems.  You decided to become a foster parent because you thought the government would pay you every month for my children instead of getting a job.  You have never had a job.  You have spent your life using people.  YOU HAVE NEVER HAD A JOB.  You will never use my children. I’ve carried around your guilt and shame for too many years to count and today I am giving it back to you.  I’m sick of walking around feeling permanently flawed and damaged as if I have a thick layer of disgusting slime covering my repugnant body.  You and they can all think what you want and you can keep threatening to “find me” but guess what?  I am done running away from you.  I have been running away from YOU.  You destroy people and lives and you are never going to change and you will never again guilt me into coming back because I am mean, cruel, and uncaring because I refuse to let you trample my boundaries and my heart.  You are a murderer.  You murder souls and you enjoy it and you will never stop.  I know this now and I am done.  Keep stalking your prey and pretending to be the victim when others are around.  When I was younger and in therapy you told me something that never made sense until recently “You can’t talk about what goes on in our house or they will take you away to foster care”.  To me that was the worst thought imaginable and I was your ally.  You no longer have the power to silence me.  I will no longer hide my life and my experiences to protect you.  The monster in this relationship is not the monster you have made everyone to believe that I am.  The monster is you and your lies, and rage, your sneakiness, your manipulation, and all the hurt you have done to me and to others.  I watched my whole life as you provoked people until they reacted and watched as you so innocently played the victim.  You play the victim so well that you got away with your abuse while your true victims had to deal with police and courts.  You are the epitome of all that is evil in human nature.  So take your threats of me “having what’s coming for you” and “I will find you in this age of technology” and shove them up your pathetic ass.  I refuse to live my life being scared and anxious.  I refuse to feel like a “bad girl” every day.  I refuse to live my life believing I am flawed and damaged.  I am finished feeling like I do not deserve to be loved or respected.  Today I am officially taking my thoughts and my life away from you.  I refuse to be and feel manipulated, condemned, bashed, censored, silenced, humiliated, degraded, disgraced, dishonored, chastised, ashamed, embarrassed, mortified, horrified,  guilt ridden, damaged, diseased, contaminated, ostracized, detested, eradicated, erased, lied to, lied about, slandered, triangulated, pushed aside, blamed, accused, intimidated, coerced, blackmailed, bullied, extorted, attacked, tormented, oppressed, tortured, haunted, hated, tainted, taunted, threatened, or terrorized by another human being ever again for the rest of my life.  You can have all of that back.  I will mourn your loss as if you had already died.  There is only moving forward and that is what I plan to do.  Heal, rebuild, restore, grow, mature, learn, love, show and receive affection, dance, cry, feel, absorb and engage in life, and laugh.  You no longer have the power to take these things away from me.  I will spend every day for the rest of my life setting goals and reaching them successfully because I am good enough.

Sincerely,

Narcissist Problems

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