Showing posts with label shame. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shame. Show all posts

May 7, 2016

Dear Narcissist Problems, "Confused"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

     I know it's possible to have PTSD from being in an abusive relationship. I have yet to run this by my shrink. But imagine this. The narc so quickly scooped me up from a marriage I choose to leave. Blinded me of course. The destruction, loss of just about everyone and everything. I never gave my now ex-husband a second thought. Not one. Our bond a hidden box because to even think of him shamed me in fear of what my narc bf would think. Now that the spell is broken, we have been living apart fir 5 months, had a restraining order last Sumner, this is our 25th or so break up. But he knows I'm done. On to the next. .. But is it possible... for me to still be IN love with my ex-husband or is this just me mourning the huge loss of my life due to the narc. I'm coming to the thought that had I not been so enraptured by such a con artist, I would have given my then husband the second chance he rightly fully deserved....



Dear “Confused”,

      You have described here the perfect example of a rebound relationship.  Unfortunately, your rebound after divorce landed you in the arms of an emotional predator.  Break ups of any kind can be devastating and leave us feeling broken, unloved, and unlovable, damaged, and left with a general sense of there something being wrong with us.  I am going to assume that you were love bombed by this narcissist you jumped into your next relationship with.  While you were experiencing rejection from your divorce here comes Mr. Wonderful who is full of immortal love and admiration for you.  He probably showered you in attention while simultaneously telling you that your ex was horrible and stupid for wanting to leave someone as amazing as you are.  What you didn’t do is give yourself space or a chance to think about things clearly before continuing on in this relationship.  I’m sure you ignored many red flags that this relationship would most likely be doomed to fail.  Now after this horrible experience with Mr. Wonderful you are probably doubting the problems that you had with your ex-husband.  There is a saying out there about nostalgia helping us forget all the bad while focusing on the good that occurred in past relationships.  This is probably why you are feeling confused about your ex-husband.  I would give yourself adequate time to sort out your feelings.  It seems as if you are a giver and in this moment you are trying to find someone to fill a void.  Someone to give that love to.  I want you to stop right now because you need to be giving that love to yourself.  Divorce doesn’t just happen.  There were reasons why you split up.  I’m not saying it’s impossible for you to still love your ex-husband but perhaps you should take things slow if anything and rebuild a friendship before exploring feelings of being in-love.  I don’t know about your childhood but you just might be confusing feelings of intensity with feelings of love.  Take a lot of time to get to know yourself before even considering a relationship with anyone other than yourself.  I hope this helps! Good luck to you on your healing journey!


Narcissist Problems

January 1, 2016

Dear Narcissist Problems: "Public Warning"


WARNING: Do NOT come to this page or its affiliated groups to recruit flying monkeys and spread further propaganda in the form of a smear campaign.  Posting a person’s private information and then making very serious allegations about them without their ability to know about the allegations or defend themselves against said allegations will not be tolerated. This is a place to heal and share our stories, obviously.  I do believe our stories can be shared without sharing another person’s identity.  When we share a person’s identity whether we are trying to help them or not we open them up to further abuse which could include the emotional abuse of being publicly shamed and humiliated.  The very real possibility that we could expose the victim we are trying to “help” to further abuse when the abuser finds out they are being labeled an abuser on the World Wide Web.  Further, by sharing private information of the victim of abuse to the whole world we risk ostracizing the victim from any support system they may hope to find.  I don’t care how strongly you feel about the situation.  This page will not be used to increase the abuse that is already happening no matter how “right” you think you are.
I started this advice blog and page as a way to spread awareness on the emotional abuse that is inflicted upon the victims of a narcissist.  The following is an example of what will not be tolerated on this page or in these groups.  These were posted as comments for the world to see.  In fact, they were posted as if it were some distorted marketing campaign as this information was posted repeatedly on multiple pages.  The dynamic of this conversation is very telling and insightful as to how a flying monkey is recruited and the dynamics of a smear campaign in action.  All names have been removed out of respect for the victims involved.

“Our daughter married a career criminal who is labeled deported but he's still living in and committing crimes in California, abusing my daughter and 13 month old granddaughter. We would do ANYTHING to help her get out of the situation but she refuses our help. I am beyond heartbroken. We can't even send them Christmas gifts because he would just steal them and sell them. The name of the maggot is R***i K********rian in the legal system. You can access his criminal records through On Facebook he goes by Raffo B**h K********rian. How do you help someone who doesn't think she needs help? She thinks we are the enemy at this point and hasn't spoken to me since June of this year. Occasionally she will answer her father's texts but will have nothing to do with me. Someone called CPS on her approximately 3 times and she says they told her it was me. But I didn't do that. I was afraid foster care might put my granddaughter into an even more horrifying situation.
Lupe Gomez You can’t help someone who doesn’t think they need help. What have you seen him do that would make you think he would sell the Christmas gifts? What have you seen him do that you consider abusive? What has happened to make your daughter consider you enemy number one? Perhaps you have made the same allegations that CPS came to investigate? CPS usually tries to place children with family if they are fit. Have you ever threatened grandparent’s rights? I’m not discounting your situation. I’m only trying to understand how you ended up at this point. I would try to find a therapist as a starting point.
Yesterday at 6:29pm · Like
Lupe Gomez What are we searching for? A criminal case? It’s trying to charge me 1.00. What kind of crimes are we talking about?
Yesterday at 6:35pm · Like
Lupe Gomez Maybe your daughter stopped speaking to you because she is feeling attacked by a smear campaign? You have posted this under three different advice posts. I feel as if you are trying to convince us of how bad this guy is by smearing his name through the mud. Maybe your daughter stopped speaking to you because you are sharing her personal life, true or not, with everyone she knows? She is an adult. You can’t "save" her from anything. By dragging her personal information into the world you are only pushing her further away. If you want to help her start by respecting her privacy.
Yesterday at 6:47pm · Like

You: Out of respect for your privacy I will not post your Facebook name.
I'm am extremely offended. How dare you!
Yesterday at 7:04pm

My daughter is severely mentally ill. I have copies of restraining orders that SHE FILED and have worked with the ALL law enforcement agencies trying to get this maggot get what he deserves. What is wrong with you, attacking me?
Yesterday at 7:08pm
(At this point I just got to ask; was one of the law enforcement agencies you worked with CPS?)
Thank you.... apparently the owner of this page wants to make me the evil one!
Yesterday at 7:10pm
(Someone made a comment about the original post, it was not validation for your argument)
Hey "Lupe" go away. You are just making things worse with your ignorance
Yesterday at 7:12pm

I'm betting your real name is raffo b**h k********n
Yesterday at 7:15pm

Or his really ugly obese sister Ri**a k**********n
Yesterday at 7:16pm

Lupe Gomez I’m not trying to make you the "evil one". I think you should focus on healing yourself. Trying to "out" this guy could make you go insane. And by doing what you are doing you are only going to hurt your relationship with your daughter more.
Like · Reply · Yesterday at 10:35pm

Lupe Gomez You are telling me your daughter is severely mentally ill and her husband is an abusive criminal who is here illegally. They have been investigated by CPS several times and the child remains in their care. I’m not saying they might not have problems but broadcasting this guy’s name/profile/record is opening your daughter up for even more abuse. I went to his profile. I now know who your daughter is, what she looks like, and where to find her. If you are trying to help your daughter opening the door to her private problems isn’t going to help the situation. I’m not trying to offend you. I’m not trying to attack you. I’m being honest. You can’t figure out why your daughter won’t speak to you....this could be a reason why.
Yesterday at 10:46pm · Like · 1

Never going to stop trying to save my granddaughter...daughter may beyond saving
Yesterday at 7:18pm
(Nobody has asked you to stop and your last statement makes it clear that you did call CPS)

Lupe Gomez Well do us all a favor J**y J*****y, while you are putting your daughter at further risk of abuse stop trying to smear campaign the rest of us like you just did. If your way of saving your daughter is to ostracize her from everyone she knows by broadcasting her personal life to god knows who, good luck to you. Hopefully you don’t get sued for libel and slander. You say you "worked with every law enforcement agency trying to get that maggot what he deserves" and you expect me to believe you didn’t call cps on your daughter. Instead of just answering the question "what did you see him do that would make you think he would sell the presents" "what did you see him do that was abusive" you exploded. You are throwing around some very serious allegations. And now because I’ve questioned your allegations you are alleging that I am this abusive criminal "maggot" who needs to get what he deserves. I don’t need to prove anything to you lady. If this is how you behave in all your relationships I wouldn’t want to be around you either. No matter how right you think you are you still need to respect the boundaries of other people. You are displaying an utter lack of boundaries. You came here asking for advice and then YOU exploded and attacked me because it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. How dare YOU for trying to turn us into your flying monkeys. You need a self-check if everyone who asks you a question when you ask for advice is attacking you. Were you working with your daughter with law enforcement or were you only trying to rip their lives apart and doing it in secret?
1 hr · Like

As you can see this was a very circular conversation in which I was blocked from this person after her explosion.  This has nothing to do with “doing anything to help” her daughter.  What I see here is an attempt to undermine her daughter’s credibility while tearing her life apart.  I have a feeling that her daughter is not speaking to her because she is a human tornado who goes in for the kill and then disappears.  The first post involving the daughter’s husband giving his Facebook account information allows all to read her post and then access his page and then ultimately her daughters.  Who has access to this?  Her daughter’s friends, family, anyone in her town, her job, as well as strangers.  What happens when people she knows read this information is that they will immediately reject her, gossip about her, and possibly target her for the infliction of further abuse.  Does this sound like someone who would do anything to help their daughter?  Lady, if you want to help your daughter you can start by respecting her privacy, her boundaries, and be there for her.  At the moment, you are behaving as a verbal assassin.  Sitting and waiting to strike when least expected.  I have a feeling this is the same sentiment of your daughter and her husband which is why you think anyone with questions about your behavior or motives makes you think it’s your daughters husband.  I am not going to say what you want to hear just to keep you happy or entertain you in this part of your show.  Sorry not sorry.

Narcissist Problems