May 16, 2015

Dear Narcissist Problems, " Crazie Sadie"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

      I'm dealing with a narcissist (an older woman in her late 50's) who's somehow fixated on me. Long story short we attend the same church so I only have to see / deal with her on Sundays. But what complicated it was late last year I was in a jam and she let me stay with her and her family for a couple of months. It was a completely platonic relationship but I believe she created (with the help of her different but equally crazy sister) something in her mind that clearly doesn't exist... Even though I don't look at her, NEVER call her and only say hello briefly and politely on Sundays at church - she still took it upon herself to through me a surprise birthday party last Sunday immediately after service... Now the thing is she knew all too well that I would hate such a thing, which I clearly did as was evident to all by my face and reaction... Lastly from my research it seems she falls into the category of being a passive narcissist... I can't begin to tell you the crazy (seemingly innocent) and highly disturbing crap I had to deal with when I was staying with her... Any advice or suggestions would be highly appreciated... It was an incredibly creepy experience and unfortunately seems to still continue to be... Glad I found you as especially as I don't think she's finished with her "wackiness", as paranoid as that might sound... OK, here's one example - when I got there she already knew that there was a time in my life, not all that long ago, where I struggled with drinking, I had shared that with her. Now fast forward a bit too just shortly after I moved in, we were talking about coffee, how we took ours etc., I told her I take mine black with honey. The next day, or day after that, she shows me where the honey was in the kitchen, and it was in between an pint of over proof Jamaican rum on one side and a bottle of painkillers (heavy duty ones) on the other. Now I know that sounds weird and over the top but it's literally and absolutely the truth... I mean who keeps there honey between a pint of over proof Jamaican rum and pain killers!?!?!?


“Crazy Sadie"



Dear “Crazie Sadie”,

     It sounds like you have a case of narcissist problems on your hands and I’m glad you didn’t waste any more precious time before seeking out help and/or advice.  First I would like to say, it’s probably not you, it’s her!  The first observation that you made is that crazy of this breed typically runs in families.  If there is one narcissist there are most likely others who come from the same family nest.  In this case it is the sister consider all others flying monkeys and proceed with caution.  I hope you live in a very big town and if not consider fleeing the planet immediately.  When you made the statement “Whose somehow fixated on me” you could not have been any closer to hitting the nail on the head.  Of course she is fixated on you, from what you describe, she is a narcissist!  True to narcissistic form she has sought out your company because you are providing her with much needed supply be it with negative or positive reactions.  Narcissists use others to fulfill a never ending void within their souls.  She needs you to fill this void and you have been.  By seeking her assistance when you were in your jam you inadvertently turned her into a martyr.  She “cares for you”, she “has done everything in her power to assist you including throwing the birthday party to make you feel special and appreciated (after you have most likely instructed her that you want nothing to do with her), and she has “no idea what she has done for you to treat her so poorly” because of your reaction to the party she threw.  Que world’s tiniest violin.  Now, you used to like your coffee with honey and probably don’t anymore because this simple pleasure now makes you want to fall off the wagon.  This is the thing you and everyone should understand when making an observation of this sort (honey between narcotics and booze).  When we first make a friend we fill them in on little details about our lives which they will use later as ammunition against us.  Your narcissist was not counting on your extreme amount of will power and had probably already started telling others in your circle that she is so “worried for you because his life is in shambles, he is homeless and started binge drinking again and to top it off he is now addicted to painkillers as well and I know because he nearly downed my whole prescription ohhhhh what do I doooooo?!?!?!?!”.  She has most likely turned you into an out of control, pill popping, alcoholic and she just doesn’t know what to do to help you.  I am very sorry to inform you but the smear campaign is most likely already underway and has been for quite some time.  You may want to keep telling yourself that you are being paranoid but let me be the first honest one to give you advice on this; you are not being paranoid.  All those strange glances you are receiving from others who know her or know people who know her is their passive aggressive way to condemn you for the monster she has created you to be.  Others will not ask you about the gossip and rumors.  One place a narcissist loves to hangout is also in a church so now that you have made this connection please be very wary of people in all social settings and brush up on the red flags of an emotional vampire.  There is only one thing left to do and that is to cut off all contact with this person and possibly everyone the two of you know mutually.  If you have to leave the church, town, or country please do so because once a narcissist is fixated on you their attention will not be adverted until one of you has died.  These people go to great lengths to make our lives a living hell so proceed with caution.  Document the crazy.  Even the little stuff that makes you think you are “paranoid”.  Most likely that paranoid feeling is your mind trying to convince your intuition to shut up and act normal.  There is no normal when dealing with narcissist problems and I wish you the best of luck.  This is a true case of kill or be killed, emotionally or physically.  Document the insanity very well and just prepare yourself mentally to end up taking this lady to court eventually.

P.S. Give yourself permission to stop saying hello, even this simple gesture is creating an emotional vampire feeding frenzy.


Narcissist Problems