Dear Narcissist Problems,
Anon please! I and a group of online
friends have been targeted by a woman we thought was our friend. We were all in
a secret support group on Facebook, but gradually she took over which resulted
in the group becoming a negative place with members banned, bullying of
outsiders, and people flocking to her like flies on shit. I had foresight and
chose to unfriend her and leave before it got too dark and negative for me. She
noticed straight away that we weren't friends anymore, and started an online hate
campaign, turning people against me. She told people I was talking about them
behind her back, told them I was a scam artist, and generally smeared my name.
I lost my online business, I lost friends, and I got depressed and withdrawn
and stopped leaving the house. I've had to get a new Facebook account and block
everyone from that group. This girl now admins a larger Facebook group, and has
turned everyone in there against me as well now. Even though I've blocked her,
she's still finding ways to get to me online. What do I do? I've debated going
to the police due to feeling unsafe. I'm in the UK. She's actually well-known
as she was breastfeeding in public and someone took a picture and called her a
tramp, so she's been on the news defending breastfeeding and has set up a
campaign called free to feed. It's a bit ironic that someone famous for
standing up to Internet bullies is an Internet bully herself. This profile is a
whole new profile, but a girl who was my real life friend told her about this
profile. I and my friends have saved a lot of screen shots, not enough though I
fear as we didn't realize at the time what was going on.
Sincerely,
“Can’t sit with them”
Dear “Can’t sit with them”,
I have experienced this secret group bullying to an extent. There have been a few secret groups I have
joined and been bullied out of actually.
At one point, I was supporting one of the women to do a retreat. I thought it was a great idea. However, because I did not use my own
pictures on my profile she began questioning my gender. (It was a female only
group) I understood the fear that maybe
I could have been a man, I knew I wasn’t a man and had actually belonged to
this group for a few months without problem.
She began taunting me and she wanted to Skype to ensure I was in fact a
female. It was totally ridiculous and I
eventually replied, “Would you like a picture of my vagina??? Is that proof
enough??” I don’t think she really had
an issue with my body parts she was just trying to create a hostile
environment. It turned into a debate on
what kind of profiles are acceptable. I
had no problem sharing “myself” with the admin but we join secret groups for a
reason, privacy. To avoid stalking and further
harassment. To gain support in our
weakest moments. The woman was a
predator in sheeps clothing and I see it happen a lot. I typically avoid these people unless I am
forced to react and then I only react directly to the issue and not at the
emotional provokations. She was the same
type of personality you describe here, cruelness guised as a victim saint and
people flocked to her like flies on shit on a hot summer day. Let them have each other. What a nightmare you have been through and I
hope you have screen shots of what happened.
I know you are in the UK but in the United States there are laws against
libel (written slander) and you should be able to sue her in civil court for
the destruction of your name and loss of business. Start a new business with a
different name, don’t let her destroy you. I would get a free consult with an attorney
ASAP. Wow, this is exactly how we end up
with anon profiles in the first place.
You need to stand up to this bully and do not let her intimidate you
into submission. A covert narcissist
usually takes on the role of the martyr or victim of some sort and it seems to
be working for her well. I would contact
the police if necessary and defiantly go talk to a lawyer. Don’t share anymore personal information with
anyone who knows her. It seems like the
friend who told her your real name was nothing more than a flying monkey trying
to catch a ride on the 15 minute fame train.
Know the red flags and please don’t hesitate to message again. You shouldn’t feel so alone but I do
recommend making another profile but keeping this one open just to collect
evidence of the harassment. If you can
have a person who is totally removed from the situation check your messages for
you and remove any real life photos so they don’t get spammed out in the smear
campaign. Good Luck to you and remember
you are not alone!
Regards,
Narcissist Problems
