Showing posts with label flying monkey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label flying monkey. Show all posts

January 3, 2016

Dear Narcissist Problems, "Oy Vey!"

Dear Narcissist Problems,
     Just wanted to thank you for creating this wonderful resource! For the past 10 months my biological family has ex-communicated me, my husband and our 3 special needs kids. Most of the posts you post relate to my story. Lately, my Mother has been sending round the message that she wants to reconnect "just the 2 of us" now that she has firmly secured the opinions of my family and extended family.     This week, after hearing that I had been in a near-fatal car accident, she decided to call me. I cannot begin to tell you how much your page has empowered me and clarified the Narcissistic behavior pattern. I had the ability to distance and "check through the checklist." Classic tactics et. all.
Still very hard to deal with the fact that this IS my family - but clarity goes a long way...
Thank you!
A week after the phone call, my mother wrote me, I responded, and then my father monkey danced at me and I debated if/how to respond. Considering full 'no contact' but a little anxious.
Below is the exchange:
Dear A****a,
     I’ve been thinking about our conversation a lot. I am so sorry for the pain that I have caused you. I’m sure we both never meant to hurt each other or anyone else. The question is what happens now. A*a and I are not in favor of the group mediation idea. But I am happy to work with you with the aid of a therapist of your choice. I think we can attack the main issues that are bothering you from my understanding of the phone conversation. I would also be happy to visit the kids at your in-laws, for example, so that you are comfortable with the arrangement. I truly love and care about you and will try to do the best that I can in the interest of shalom. You can call any time to arrange a visit or pick up money if and when you are ready to do so. I wish only health and happiness for you and your family. Much love always.
Dear I******a,
     I accept your apology for the past, though I find it somewhat frightening that someone with your life experience would not realize that ostracizing one's own flesh and blood through fallacies would be hurtful. Am I to understand that A*a is not interested in reconstructing a relationship with me? Or that, you are not interested in having A*a be part of the process? Since my husband and I have been punished as a unit for each other’s fictitious "wrongdoings", I believe that it is only right to repair the relationship as a unit, as well. I don't know that I would call it "group therapy" so much as clarifying the rules of our relationship, for the benefit of the future. This is not about the past, so much as about the future. A trained family mediator would be able to clarify to us healthy patterns of behavior so as not to create hurt in the future. Although I appreciate your good will, I do not believe it to be prudent to re-introduce the children at this point. I would like to know that there was security in the relationship first - they have suffered greatly from rejection and I would not want them to have to go through this again. As of now we have not experienced a parental relationship with you over the past 11 months, we do not feel that it would be appropriate to accept your thoughtful financial offer at this point. Thank you for your good wishes, wishing you all the best,
A***a Dear A***a, I*a has nothing to do with me in this. My position has been clear from the start – you created this machlokes (fight) for no reason. And you are incapable of hearing anyone else’s point of view. If you had a drop of humility you would say “gee what did I do to drive my parents and siblings away? MAYBE I made a mistake. MAYBE I did something wrong. Instead you blame everyone else. EVERYONE is lying, EVERYONE has done me wrong. NO ONE has ever done anything for me! You know that van you just wrecked? I paid for it out of my own pocket, just like I paid for your first van. But no one has done ANYTHING for you. You have left a paper trail. You wrote several people how you want nothing to do with your family. YOUR FAMILY!!!! You created this for no reason. It was none of your business. You have spoken to relatives in America badmouthing us and M******m. I CAN PROVE IT! I spoke to the people. You have been incredibly disloyal, a true kofei tov. Nothing that anyone has ever done for you, not the HUNDREEDS of hours that I*a spent on the phone with you, nothing is appreciated. No A***a, I WILL NOT play your game. So keep beating up on I*a the only one who has been your advocate in the family to try to get them to see you in a positive light. The family is OUTRAGED by your behavior. Only I*a tries to defend you. After all you have said and done you have the gall to accuse I*a of lying! Halevi (I wish) I*a made it up! I wish you had never said or did all the things you did in the past YEAR. If at some time in the future, perhaps with the help of a professional. You can look yourself honestly in the mirror and say “Maybe I did something wrong” then I will be willing to discuss it. But I will not descend into the insanity that you have created. When a sibling is in trouble, the family rallies around them. Everyone did that (and does that) except you. What kind of a mother uses their own children as pawns in their twisted game? Of all you have done that is the most horrific. I pray for you and C*****a and the children every day. May Hashem (God) be good to all of you.
Love, A******a (Yes I still love you in spite of all you have done)
machlokes = fight,
Hakoros Ha'tov = gratitude
Halevai = I wish
Hashem = G-d
“Oy Vey!”
Dear “Oy Vey”,
     Thank you for following the page and I am glad to hear the posts have been helpful for you in your situation.  I felt extremely unsure of how to tackle this message because of the mixture of a religion I have no experience with.  I do not know what is culturally “acceptable” and then I realize these issues really do cross every cultural barrier so let’s start with the unwillingness to go to group therapy on your mother’s part as she would rather get you into therapy….alone…with her.  It seems a common tactic of manipulation for a narcissist to get their victim into therapy alone with them.  This allows for the further manipulation through the therapist.  I do believe most therapists will recognize this but there is always the chance that they won’t.  I think your suggestion to keep all involved so there wouldn’t be any “misunderstandings” was a great.  Also, the fact that you wanted to keep your husband involved was great.  If anything I would seek therapy on your own without the involvement of others.  As for the mediator I am unsure why this is necessary?  Are we talking of a legal mediator because there are children involved or a spiritual mediator to heal the rift in the family?  I will go under the assumption that it is to mediate the family rift.  Again, mediation should involve all parties and should not be done in secret with only your mother and who she picks and choses to be present.  Anyone affected by the situation should be present so there aren’t any future misunderstandings.  As for the children, it is a good idea to keep them out of the circus.  To my understanding your mother is trying to control you from across an ocean so I can only imagine what goes on when she is up close and personal.  While we are on the topic of “No Contact”, this is a deeply personal choice.  We go no contact with our family for many different reasons, usually when the situation is so emotionally or physically abusive that we are pushed into a corner and we have a “fight or flight” reaction.  I can’t really give advice on this for your situation as this will be a decision that you will have to mull over with your husband and/or a therapist.  The bottom line being “The best interest of the children”.  It seems as if you have a really good handle on the situation with the low contact so I would keep monitoring it. The main issue I see is putting the involvement of flying monkeys at bay and the recruitment of flying monkeys. In my own family I did have to go no contact so I know how hard this is for you.  Try not to make any decisions out of spite but a good look at the reality of your relationship with your family. Good luck to you in the New Year and if you need any support just let me know!
Narcissist Problems

January 1, 2016

Dear Narcissist Problems: "Public Warning"


WARNING: Do NOT come to this page or its affiliated groups to recruit flying monkeys and spread further propaganda in the form of a smear campaign.  Posting a person’s private information and then making very serious allegations about them without their ability to know about the allegations or defend themselves against said allegations will not be tolerated. This is a place to heal and share our stories, obviously.  I do believe our stories can be shared without sharing another person’s identity.  When we share a person’s identity whether we are trying to help them or not we open them up to further abuse which could include the emotional abuse of being publicly shamed and humiliated.  The very real possibility that we could expose the victim we are trying to “help” to further abuse when the abuser finds out they are being labeled an abuser on the World Wide Web.  Further, by sharing private information of the victim of abuse to the whole world we risk ostracizing the victim from any support system they may hope to find.  I don’t care how strongly you feel about the situation.  This page will not be used to increase the abuse that is already happening no matter how “right” you think you are.
I started this advice blog and page as a way to spread awareness on the emotional abuse that is inflicted upon the victims of a narcissist.  The following is an example of what will not be tolerated on this page or in these groups.  These were posted as comments for the world to see.  In fact, they were posted as if it were some distorted marketing campaign as this information was posted repeatedly on multiple pages.  The dynamic of this conversation is very telling and insightful as to how a flying monkey is recruited and the dynamics of a smear campaign in action.  All names have been removed out of respect for the victims involved.

“Our daughter married a career criminal who is labeled deported but he's still living in and committing crimes in California, abusing my daughter and 13 month old granddaughter. We would do ANYTHING to help her get out of the situation but she refuses our help. I am beyond heartbroken. We can't even send them Christmas gifts because he would just steal them and sell them. The name of the maggot is R***i K********rian in the legal system. You can access his criminal records through On Facebook he goes by Raffo B**h K********rian. How do you help someone who doesn't think she needs help? She thinks we are the enemy at this point and hasn't spoken to me since June of this year. Occasionally she will answer her father's texts but will have nothing to do with me. Someone called CPS on her approximately 3 times and she says they told her it was me. But I didn't do that. I was afraid foster care might put my granddaughter into an even more horrifying situation.
Lupe Gomez You can’t help someone who doesn’t think they need help. What have you seen him do that would make you think he would sell the Christmas gifts? What have you seen him do that you consider abusive? What has happened to make your daughter consider you enemy number one? Perhaps you have made the same allegations that CPS came to investigate? CPS usually tries to place children with family if they are fit. Have you ever threatened grandparent’s rights? I’m not discounting your situation. I’m only trying to understand how you ended up at this point. I would try to find a therapist as a starting point.
Yesterday at 6:29pm · Like
Lupe Gomez What are we searching for? A criminal case? It’s trying to charge me 1.00. What kind of crimes are we talking about?
Yesterday at 6:35pm · Like
Lupe Gomez Maybe your daughter stopped speaking to you because she is feeling attacked by a smear campaign? You have posted this under three different advice posts. I feel as if you are trying to convince us of how bad this guy is by smearing his name through the mud. Maybe your daughter stopped speaking to you because you are sharing her personal life, true or not, with everyone she knows? She is an adult. You can’t "save" her from anything. By dragging her personal information into the world you are only pushing her further away. If you want to help her start by respecting her privacy.
Yesterday at 6:47pm · Like

You: Out of respect for your privacy I will not post your Facebook name.
I'm am extremely offended. How dare you!
Yesterday at 7:04pm

My daughter is severely mentally ill. I have copies of restraining orders that SHE FILED and have worked with the ALL law enforcement agencies trying to get this maggot get what he deserves. What is wrong with you, attacking me?
Yesterday at 7:08pm
(At this point I just got to ask; was one of the law enforcement agencies you worked with CPS?)
Thank you.... apparently the owner of this page wants to make me the evil one!
Yesterday at 7:10pm
(Someone made a comment about the original post, it was not validation for your argument)
Hey "Lupe" go away. You are just making things worse with your ignorance
Yesterday at 7:12pm

I'm betting your real name is raffo b**h k********n
Yesterday at 7:15pm

Or his really ugly obese sister Ri**a k**********n
Yesterday at 7:16pm

Lupe Gomez I’m not trying to make you the "evil one". I think you should focus on healing yourself. Trying to "out" this guy could make you go insane. And by doing what you are doing you are only going to hurt your relationship with your daughter more.
Like · Reply · Yesterday at 10:35pm

Lupe Gomez You are telling me your daughter is severely mentally ill and her husband is an abusive criminal who is here illegally. They have been investigated by CPS several times and the child remains in their care. I’m not saying they might not have problems but broadcasting this guy’s name/profile/record is opening your daughter up for even more abuse. I went to his profile. I now know who your daughter is, what she looks like, and where to find her. If you are trying to help your daughter opening the door to her private problems isn’t going to help the situation. I’m not trying to offend you. I’m not trying to attack you. I’m being honest. You can’t figure out why your daughter won’t speak to you....this could be a reason why.
Yesterday at 10:46pm · Like · 1

Never going to stop trying to save my granddaughter...daughter may beyond saving
Yesterday at 7:18pm
(Nobody has asked you to stop and your last statement makes it clear that you did call CPS)

Lupe Gomez Well do us all a favor J**y J*****y, while you are putting your daughter at further risk of abuse stop trying to smear campaign the rest of us like you just did. If your way of saving your daughter is to ostracize her from everyone she knows by broadcasting her personal life to god knows who, good luck to you. Hopefully you don’t get sued for libel and slander. You say you "worked with every law enforcement agency trying to get that maggot what he deserves" and you expect me to believe you didn’t call cps on your daughter. Instead of just answering the question "what did you see him do that would make you think he would sell the presents" "what did you see him do that was abusive" you exploded. You are throwing around some very serious allegations. And now because I’ve questioned your allegations you are alleging that I am this abusive criminal "maggot" who needs to get what he deserves. I don’t need to prove anything to you lady. If this is how you behave in all your relationships I wouldn’t want to be around you either. No matter how right you think you are you still need to respect the boundaries of other people. You are displaying an utter lack of boundaries. You came here asking for advice and then YOU exploded and attacked me because it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. How dare YOU for trying to turn us into your flying monkeys. You need a self-check if everyone who asks you a question when you ask for advice is attacking you. Were you working with your daughter with law enforcement or were you only trying to rip their lives apart and doing it in secret?
1 hr · Like

As you can see this was a very circular conversation in which I was blocked from this person after her explosion.  This has nothing to do with “doing anything to help” her daughter.  What I see here is an attempt to undermine her daughter’s credibility while tearing her life apart.  I have a feeling that her daughter is not speaking to her because she is a human tornado who goes in for the kill and then disappears.  The first post involving the daughter’s husband giving his Facebook account information allows all to read her post and then access his page and then ultimately her daughters.  Who has access to this?  Her daughter’s friends, family, anyone in her town, her job, as well as strangers.  What happens when people she knows read this information is that they will immediately reject her, gossip about her, and possibly target her for the infliction of further abuse.  Does this sound like someone who would do anything to help their daughter?  Lady, if you want to help your daughter you can start by respecting her privacy, her boundaries, and be there for her.  At the moment, you are behaving as a verbal assassin.  Sitting and waiting to strike when least expected.  I have a feeling this is the same sentiment of your daughter and her husband which is why you think anyone with questions about your behavior or motives makes you think it’s your daughters husband.  I am not going to say what you want to hear just to keep you happy or entertain you in this part of your show.  Sorry not sorry.

Narcissist Problems