Dear Narcissist Problems,
I know it's possible to have PTSD from being in an abusive relationship. I have yet to run this by my shrink. But imagine this. The narc so quickly scooped me up from a marriage I choose to leave. Blinded me of course. The destruction, loss of just about everyone and everything. I never gave my now ex-husband a second thought. Not one. Our bond a hidden box because to even think of him shamed me in fear of what my narc bf would think. Now that the spell is broken, we have been living apart fir 5 months, had a restraining order last Sumner, this is our 25th or so break up. But he knows I'm done. On to the next. .. But is it possible... for me to still be IN love with my ex-husband or is this just me mourning the huge loss of my life due to the narc. I'm coming to the thought that had I not been so enraptured by such a con artist, I would have given my then husband the second chance he rightly fully deserved....
Sincerely,
“Confused”
Dear “Confused”,
You have described
here the perfect example of a rebound relationship. Unfortunately, your rebound after divorce
landed you in the arms of an emotional predator. Break ups of any kind can be devastating and
leave us feeling broken, unloved, and unlovable, damaged, and left with a
general sense of there something being wrong with us. I am going to assume that you were love
bombed by this narcissist you jumped into your next relationship with. While you were experiencing rejection from
your divorce here comes Mr. Wonderful who is full of immortal love and
admiration for you. He probably showered
you in attention while simultaneously telling you that your ex was horrible and
stupid for wanting to leave someone as amazing as you are. What you didn’t do is give yourself space or
a chance to think about things clearly before continuing on in this
relationship. I’m sure you ignored many
red flags that this relationship would most likely be doomed to fail. Now after this horrible experience with Mr.
Wonderful you are probably doubting the problems that you had with your ex-husband. There is a saying out there about nostalgia helping
us forget all the bad while focusing on the good that occurred in past
relationships. This is probably why you are
feeling confused about your ex-husband.
I would give yourself adequate time to sort out your feelings. It seems as if you are a giver and in this
moment you are trying to find someone to fill a void. Someone to give that love to. I want you to stop right now because you need
to be giving that love to yourself.
Divorce doesn’t just happen.
There were reasons why you split up.
I’m not saying it’s impossible for you to still love your ex-husband but
perhaps you should take things slow if anything and rebuild a friendship before
exploring feelings of being in-love. I
don’t know about your childhood but you just might be confusing feelings of
intensity with feelings of love. Take a
lot of time to get to know yourself before even considering a relationship with
anyone other than yourself. I hope this
helps! Good luck to you on your healing journey!
Regards,
Narcissist Problems
