Dear Narcissist Problems,
I've
just come out of a short relationship - 6 months with a narcissist. I knew
there were problems very quickly but hoped I might be able to help him - now I
know that's not possible. My problem is that he is, if not famous, a moderately
successful author who regularly turns up on TV and so on. On this page I'm sure
I don't need to explain to you how dangerous he is and what a wealth of prey
that 'fame' gives him. He also regularly goes into schools which gives him
access to vulnerable young women. Whilst I couldn't say I think he's a pedophile
he does have a worrying love of girls in school uniforms and has access to
them. What can I do? I can't prove anything and anything I might try will make
me look like a sour and bitter ex. He has already succeeded in turning at least
one mutual friend against me who has been persuaded that I'm crazy. Any ideas?
I know he likes school girl uniforms
as he liked me to dress up in one.
He's a historian, specifically military history but he has quite an interest in crime and is published on the subject of Jack the Ripper. I met him at a JtR conference - not really my area of interest but a friend wanted a companion and paid for me to go with her. He was chairing the conference.
The first sign he was a little off was in the first few weeks when I discovered he'd been sending very flirty messages to the friend as well as to me, having told me we were in a relationship.
The second one, which was a biggy was over Xmas. He became very aggressive and argumentative over me saying it was a pity he hadn't seen his son since August. He was then due to come and stay with my parents on the 27th, which he did. He really didn't have the social skills to deal with the situation but he was quite inappropriate in how he responded to me - very overtly sexual.
He became picky and aggressive over all sorts of things, specifically the fact that I don't like New Year's Eve. On the 3rd of Jan a woman he had told me was an ex and just a friends posted a very long rant that made it clear that she was not an ex and at the time I had met him and had in fact been pregnant by him and not well so staying in the hotel room. Of course, he made out that she was bonkers and wouldn't take no for an answer but I've since seen the exchange of texts he sent on the 27th, which couldn't have been forged because of some of the things said in it and they were very definitely in a relationship. Thank you. He is a creep. Since I first wrote to touch's has published pictures of himself with his latest victim. Poor cow thinks she's got Prince Charming but instead is in the clutches of a conscienceless monster.
He's a historian, specifically military history but he has quite an interest in crime and is published on the subject of Jack the Ripper. I met him at a JtR conference - not really my area of interest but a friend wanted a companion and paid for me to go with her. He was chairing the conference.
The first sign he was a little off was in the first few weeks when I discovered he'd been sending very flirty messages to the friend as well as to me, having told me we were in a relationship.
The second one, which was a biggy was over Xmas. He became very aggressive and argumentative over me saying it was a pity he hadn't seen his son since August. He was then due to come and stay with my parents on the 27th, which he did. He really didn't have the social skills to deal with the situation but he was quite inappropriate in how he responded to me - very overtly sexual.
He became picky and aggressive over all sorts of things, specifically the fact that I don't like New Year's Eve. On the 3rd of Jan a woman he had told me was an ex and just a friends posted a very long rant that made it clear that she was not an ex and at the time I had met him and had in fact been pregnant by him and not well so staying in the hotel room. Of course, he made out that she was bonkers and wouldn't take no for an answer but I've since seen the exchange of texts he sent on the 27th, which couldn't have been forged because of some of the things said in it and they were very definitely in a relationship. Thank you. He is a creep. Since I first wrote to touch's has published pictures of himself with his latest victim. Poor cow thinks she's got Prince Charming but instead is in the clutches of a conscienceless monster.
Sincerely,
Ex School Girl
Dear Ex School Girl,
I met a couple of guys on the
internet who would like to meet your ex narc… pic attached.
Unfortunately we all seem to stick
around these toxic relationships because we want to help them. We see someone who is in need of love,
support, or care and we jump in and start bailing the water out of a sinking
ship. The problem is that usually we don’t
notice the ship is sinking because the person we are trying to “help” is
drilling holes in the bottom of the boat.
You are right, it is usually not possible to help people especially if
they don’t see a problem with their behavior and have no need or desire to
change. Knowing he is a moderately famous
author is going to force me to begin questioning every book I read! The good news is that you obviously noticed
some red flags of dysfunction and/or abuse early on in the game. Knowing that you ended this relationship at 6
months instead of 6 years makes me feel like the work of spreading awareness of
this type of personality disorder is serving its purpose! Either by your own will and high self-esteem
or by running into information of your dysfunctional relationship something
happened to make you insightful enough for alarm bells to go off and call it
quits with this animal. While I don’t
want to assume the worst and label this guy a sexual predator I do find it
rather disturbing that he asked you to role play as a school girl while
spending time with school girls. The bad news is that with no proof of his
pedophilia there is little that you can do.
The only thing in your control is to protect yourself and all the young
girls you know from this monster. If you
do much more than that you might find yourself slapped with a restraining order
and a lawsuit. It’s sick, I know, but
that is the way the law works. You need
good evidence, witnesses, and documentation.
You need something that will hold up in a court of law. For now the most you can do is consider
yourself a viable character witness when victims do begin to surface. If you want more help consider consulting
with the local police department. For
all you know there may have been a report filed against him and at least it
will give you peace of mind knowing that you did speak up.
Usually when you call a narcissist
out on their bad behavior that is when you are officially declared an enemy and
that seems like it may be the case here.
Bringing up his visitation with his son was a blow to the ego as I’m
sure he likes people to believe he is father of the year. If you brought up his sexual behavior that he
displayed in front of your parents that was another blow because I am sure he
thought he was being very charming. From
what you describe here you were dealing with a typical narcissist and your
personalities clashed like the titans!
He manipulates and you confronted, way to go! Not many of us here can say we had the
courage or insight to be so upfront. The
important thing for you to do now is to try to let it go. Don’t keep updated on his life including his
new victims. If you try to warn the
others it will only make you appear insane and infatuated. You know, like his pregnant crazy ex in the
hotel room was. Don’t be that
woman. So far you seem to have done an
amazing job at identifying his special breed of crazy and dealt with it like no
other! Good for you! It may help to just give yourself time to
heal from this experience and keep spreading the awareness of what you have
been through with others….who don’t know your narcissist! Good luck on your healing journey.
Regards,
Narcissist Problems