Showing posts with label #narcissisticabuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #narcissisticabuse. Show all posts

November 5, 2017

Soul Murder Via Spiritual Cannibalism: A Slow Death by The Machiavellian Exploitation of One’s Mind

Soul Murder Via Spiritual Cannibalism




A Slow Death by The Machiavellian Exploitation of One’s Mind


When we hear the terms murder or manslaughter we usually only think of the physical death of the body via the negligent or willful actions of another. It is something typically done with intention resulting from hate, anger, or a rage that you can feel, see, and touch. You can point a finger to a cause of death and find the weapon and eventually the killer. You can hold someone accountable for murder and manslaughter. Many rarely think of attempted murder as the repeated and intentional cruelty inflicted upon another in the form of berating, ostracizing, damaging the good character of, or tainting the victim in a negative light to all who will encounter them.

There is another form of death perpetrated by narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths that is spiritually cannibalistic in nature and an encounter with one of these individuals results in a long drawn out affair of soul annihilation. There is nothing quick or painless about it.  This experience leaves many pleading for a physical death as they reach into their very core in search of one last shard of hope in a bottomless pit of despair.


Soul Murder is The Direct Result of Spiritual Cannibalism

Soul cannibalism results in soul murder and is a highly calculated, concealed, and methodical form of attempted murder where the essence of the victim’s being is literally devoured by the abuser as if the victim’s soul sustains their life force.  They will continue to feed until there is nothing left but an empty shell of a former human being. The term “soul murder” was first coined by 19th century playwright Henrik Ibsen who defined it as, “the destruction of the love of life in another human being.”  Soul murder was then brought into modern psychiatric dialog in 1991 by psychoanalyst Leonard Shengold in two books on the topic as primarily applied to childhood neglect and deprivation. Therein “soul murder” was given a name and legitimacy.

Soul Murder is nothing short of when the soul is shattered and maimed as a result of prolonged exposure to coercive control and covert abuse.  One’s identity, essence, and contentment with life are indisputably eradicated from existence. This process often takes years or even decades before the actual death of the physical body.  It is not quick with a few moments of bloodshed as seen with a legally chargeable offense.  The end result is a victim left with no choice but to put an end to the misery once and for all.

Shengold articulately wrote that Soul Murder is to deprive an individual “of his or her own identity and ability to experience joy in life.” He described the phenomenon as resulting from tactics such as arbitrary edicts and a chronic lack of empathy which cause a victim’s vitality, confidence and joy to slowly erode, until the victim’s soul is completely gone.
As many survivors of psychological and emotional abuse can attest leaving this hell on earth usually only becomes possible once we can name and validate our experiences.  Until reaching the point of comprehension in that we are experiencing psychological or emotional abuse we are standing there scratching our heads while attending therapy once a week trying to pinpoint what is wrong with us and how to fix it.


Soul Cannibals are Difficult to Pinpoint


Soul Cannibals are found in every walk of life from your church pews to the seediest of dive bars.  There isn’t a stereotypical look of these toxic executioners, but you can almost bet these predators are well liked and stellar members of society.  Either that or they can take on the role of perpetual victim and need your help as a great problem solver which makes them even more difficult to spot. 

Moreover, they will use numerous strategies to bait their victims in which makes it very difficult to spot outright. It can even be very difficult for someone who is aware of soul cannibalism to spot one of these predators.  In turn, those who are not familiar with or previously exposed to this type of attempted murder are unable to comprehend it. The inability for many to name and pinpoint soul cannibalism and soul murder results in victims who are not being believed, dragging them further down the spiral of invalidation, delegitimization, self-doubt and erosion of being. 

Those who commit soul murder can take on many roles and come from even the most sacred relationships.  The soul cannibal could be a relative, friend, spouse, or neighbor.  In other words, they could be anyone, they are everywhere, and it is almost impossible to know who they are until you have already been reeled in for their abuse.  However, their behaviors will almost always give them away.  These perpetrators all use the same weapons so trust your gut and if something tells you things are not right then look for the following behaviors. 

Soul murder Weapons: Gas Lighting, Character Assassination, Crazy-Making

Narcissistic, psychopathic, and sociopathic abuse takes place when one of these personality disordered individuals attempt to convince their victim, slowly over months or years, that they are “crazy”.  At the same time, they will campaign against their victims by informing the rest of the world all the things wrong and all the wrong doing done to them by the actual victim. 

They paint themselves in a great light and as the protector and savior to the real victim.  They are only trying to help.  They have no idea why the victim is so angry.  The victim must have a chemical imbalance. They are so concerned for the victim and they need your help to help them! They make an unwarranted effort to earn the love of the victim’s family and friends.  This effort will pay off years down the road when all have been triangulated against each other forcing the victim into further isolation and depression. 

These predators employ an arsenal of methods such as character assassination and gaslighting. The Gaslighting will be used in order to get their victim(s) to doubt their own sanity and wonder if they are the one at fault, the “crazy one”.  After instance of gaslighting will also be used to assassinate the character of the victim to others as they are told that you are “irrational” “illogical” or “psychotic” because of XYZ (insert your reaction to manipulated situation created by the soul cannibal exclusively to piss you off).

Survivors of attempted soul murder and those around them have their perception of reality intentionally skewed.  The victim’s flaws are exaggerated and expanded upon and then used to convince others of their “pathologies”.  Little quirks will be blown into the victim having a full-fledged disorder according to their abuser. The finger is chronically pointed at the victim who typically will spend numerous hours trying to find out exactly what is wrong with them rather than question the accusations being made in the first place. 

How Soul Cannibals Accomplish Soul Murder


For example, spending money on an expensive item, or even on basic needs, will be turned into the victim being bi-polar and spending out of control which results in all financial assets being turned over to the coercive control of their “caretaker”. The victim may even end up agreeing with any unqualified diagnosis their perpetrator throws at them based upon the exaggerations made by their murderous tormentor.  These unqualified diagnoses are further solidified as fact when the perpetrator begins getting involved in the victim’s medical care.  

Initially the victim trusts their abuser and usually will not question the abuser when they want to speak with medical staff alone.  This opportunity is used to alert all doctors and psychologists that the victim is a pathological liar and then lists all the criteria for whatever diagnosis they have labeled their victim with. With their flaws magnified the victim inadvertently agrees with statements made to medical staff pertaining to their own behavior.  “Why yes I did spend a lot of money last week” not aware that the abuser has told the staff that the victim drained their bank account. These little instances will add up to a proper diagnosis that will help the perpetrator get away with financial exploitation, among other abuses.

Situations are literally manufactured, and the truth becomes so obscured that the victim of this psychological warfare begins to doubt themselves. This can be done by omitting important details of a situation or by outright lying that key events never took place.  When confronted with the truth the abuser will have such a convincing reaction and be so emphatic with their response that you begin to doubt your own perception of that key event. The soul cannibal will come up with some extremely convincing lies baked in a half- truth pie. They will also do and say things to deliberately upset their victims. When the victim asserts themselves and demands truth, they are then put down, mocked, or shamed for overreacting or misunderstanding the intentions of their soul murderer. 

The erosion of self is escalated when the predator makes light of and invalidates anything the victim is feeling. In normal human relationships there is usually a mutual give and take of sharing our perceptions and feelings when we feel hurt.  This is the opportunity an empathy less predator takes to invalidate the victim’s feelings and opinions.  They take this a step further by berating the victim’s choices and calling them illogical or irrational. 
These predators will literally put down and then laugh at their victims when they react to the abuse and then slowly get others to join in on their abuse.  

When the victim brings up valid points or begins to question their tormentor they will be told that they simply have a very large imagination. Those who experience this type of invalidation have their reality so distorted that they end up apologizing for mistakes and transgressions the abuser made.  The focus turns to the victims out of control reaction or illogical thoughts rather than on the actual behavior or series of manufactured events that created the reaction in the first place.

If the victim decides to leave the relationship and sever ties with their abuser, then this predator puts every stop in the road that they can possibly dream up. The abuse turns from covert to very overt.  The victim is no longer questioning the abuse because they are able to name the relationship dynamics as abusive. The gig is up, and you are on to them and they know it.  With this one truth the soul cannibal becomes hell bent on destroying their victim.

At this point the soul assassin begin to harass them, relentlessly spy on them, follow them, call their job to get them fired, call social services to report them as bad parents, and call their family and friends to let them know the victim has gone psychotic and they need help.  These killers systematically dismantle all that their victims know and love.  They destroy any relationship the victim has with people who would normally help them.
Isolation and a skewed self- perception is the reality for many victims of psychological and emotional abuse. 

Yes, there is another form of murder that a human may experience which is not physical at first but often results in suicide if the victim remains in the relationship. Victims of these soul predators are indisputably turned into the walking dead as they are lost drudging through their daily life unaware of the covert tactics being inflicted upon them.  There is a fog a victim ends up walking through during their daily life that leaves the abuse just outside of conscious awareness.  Those who experience this abuse are so tormented they sometimes wish, hope, and pray for the official follow through of being murdered because a physical death appears to be the only way to put an end to the suffering. 

Most people don’t get it, they don’t understand that what we have gone through was unmistakably attempted murder.  It is an attempt at murder that unfortunately one will not fully understand until they have experienced it. We don’t have broken bones or bleeding wounds to alert others that we are dying and in desperate need of help.  We only have our bleeding hearts and shattered souls. We have a death rattle in our breathing, but it can’t be heard.  There is no way to ask someone to throw out a life raft in this ocean of sorrow so that we may be pulled to safety because there is no apparent danger of drowning. We are drowning from the inside out and may not even realize we need to be saved until it is too late. 


How Soul Cannibals Get Away with Murder, Time and Time Again


Well, narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths are masters at manipulating people.  Not only do they spend exorbitant amounts of time manipulating their victims they are also manipulating everyone else who comes into contact with the victim.  They are universally known by survivors of this type of abuse to be great at painting the victims as unstable and irrational which results in their being ostracized and isolated from family, friends and supports.  Soul cannibals expertly hide their abusive and coercive behavior by concealing it in false concern.

The soul cannibal is a chameleon and smooth talker. Everything is done behind a veil and always behind the scenes. The abuse is carefully orchestrated in order to make the predator look good and the victim look bad, REALLY bad. To those watching from the outside nothing will seem amiss most of the time except the problems and issues the victim is having.  This happens because manipulative and coercive tactics take place secretly, outside of people's awareness, and any “issues” are easily explained away by the abuser.

Couple this secrecy with years of manipulation of people and environment and it becomes impossible for professionals who enter the scene late in the stage to see that the victim does not have a chemical imbalance in need of regulating or a mood disorder. They have years of hospital records pointing to the victim as having problems. This is solidified by the fact that most victims are by then brainwashed to never tell anyone what is going on inside of the relationship with their abuser. The victim has been properly groomed to protect their tormentor. When these victims finally reach the end of their rope and commit suicide all factors point toward chronic depression, mood disorders, chemical imbalances and not abuse.


The End Result: Soul Murder or Soul Rape

The victim is eventually forced into an existential house of mirrors of not knowing what their reality is because their abuser has altered and put a spin on even the smallest of perceptions. When leaving a relationship like this it doesn’t matter if the soul murderer was a friend, spouse, or close relative the result is the same.  The victim feels tainted and dirty and unable to wash away the “sin”.  When victims get out alive they have been soul raped. Those who are not so lucky are soul murdered via suicide.

Repeatedly, the victim is forced to question what the abuser says to them, about them, and to others. They are left in the pure filth and taint of being labeled as and treated by others as a pathological liar, a thief, or worse the abuser of their abuser!  The psychological manipulation is done largely outside of conscious awareness. These survivors are eventually conditioned to think of themselves as crazy, evil, “damaged goods,” etc.  - just what the soul cannibal wants them to believe.

The Soul Murderer, when carrying out these covert campaigns, goes faceless and undercover to everyone outside of the relationship so no one will ever know about their abuse and no one will be held accountable. The longer time goes by and the more the victim tries to defend themselves against the onslaught of coercive tactics, the more severe the abuse inevitably becomes. The narcissist, psychopath, or sociopath has ahead of time arranged a cavalcade of unwitting “flying monkeys” - other people who believe the abuser’s stories who help to drive the victim to madness. The flying monkeys may even be abusers themselves, so they enjoy the thrill of the hunt along with their predator friend.

To sooth their own relentless existential torment, in a life that has become devoid of joy and meaning, the victim may turn to drugs or alcohol as a means of escape which enforces the abuser’s accusations that the victim is out of control. They generally develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and/or complex traumatic stress disorder as a result of not being able to release their tension, anxiety, and emotional suffering for years as they endured their own attempted murder. The course of events is inevitable should the victim not receive help. The abuser will never quit abusing and the victim will be eradicated to the core resulting in their devaluation, dehumanization, and suicide.

Soul Death Can Take Years, Even Decades

The process of soul murder can occur over the course of years and decades - even thirty years or more. And the victim knows all too well that even if they did escape the situation the abuser would follow and torment them for the rest of their life.  Ruining all future relationships and jobs, thus decimating their future life. The soul cannibal has become, in essence, omnipotent.

The victim will be made to feel like they are literally worthless.  They are nothing in this world left to stew in an irrefutable existential torment. A victim will eventually feel no meaning in life, have nowhere to go and that nobody wants them -  except for the narcissistic, psychopathic, or sociopathic abuser. The process is complete. They are literally a hostage to the parasitic soul murderer. Their joy for life has departed leaving the victim too weak to even claw their way out of the depths of hell.  The journey seems impossible.


From Death of Soul to Death of Body


Soul murder victims all too often carry the secret of the abuse to their graves, unable to articulate or receive legal or psychological validation they sadly frequently take their own lives by suicide. Some victims may not even want to kill themselves intentionally but rather desperately seek to escape through drugs/alcohol and end in accidental death.

Others may not turn to substance abuse at all, but may end up suffering chronic medical issues from the relentless stress, which will lead to their physical death.  Stress is a proven cause of a myriad of health problems, such as stroke and heart attack, many of which can be fatal even if one happens to escape their abuser.  

The end result is either death by suicide or death by stress. This type of abuse is the gift from hell that keeps on giving because even in the best of situations the victim will be riddled with permanent health issues created by the stress.


Speaking About the Unspeakable

Suicide is such a taboo topic especially speaking about it after the deed has been done.  It is almost sacrilegious to point a finger at another human being after the suicide of a loved one and say, “this happened because of you!” and then hold that person accountable for their actions that ultimately pushed another person off of a cliff.

We think to ourselves “what if I’m wrong about this?”  “What if they were just clinically depressed or had a chemical imbalance?”.  We bite our tongues because we know the guilt we might induce in the person we are pointing our own fingers at.  We wouldn’t wish that guilt on anyone. This is a normal empathetic reaction that stops us from pursuing the issue any further. 

We are unable to wrap our minds around the fact that these predators do not share in our empathy and compassion. They enjoyed what they did. The worst part of all?  They will NEVER feel guilty or any remorse for murdering someone but rather proud of themselves for being so crafty and skillful as to manipulate a person into their own grave.

In life and in death there is little justice or accountability to be had for these spiritual cannibals. The sick part is that as a society we watch this form of murder happen and many times turn a blind eye to it. When our souls are murdered the very core of our being is chiseled away into almost nothing and we are left there not even realizing that we don’t have depression due to some act of nature but rather an ongoing psychological warfare inflicted by another human being.  We are told to “grow some balls” or “put on our big girl panties” instead.


Becoming the Voice You Needed to Hear

It has been over 5 years since going no contact with my own soul assassin. As many of you know I have been helping a friend leave one of the most malignant of narcissistic species I have seen to date. A conversation we had the other night prompted the writing of this article. I’d like for all of us to be able to identify and name soul cannibalism for what it is, and I ask all of you to continue talking about your experiences because the laws do need to change.  

We need to share our stories.  These criminals need to be held accountable for their verbal actions and manipulations that lead so many victims of psychological and emotional abuse into committing suicide simply to escape their grotesque reality. When I hear someone tell a victim “why don’t you just leave” I am filled with a burning rage because I know first-hand that “just leaving” is usually not an option.  One must literally “just disappear”.  It has nothing to do with willpower, being a strong or weak person, or any other life skills that society would deem acceptable. These people are predators and like all known predators to man they will continue to stalk and hunt their prey.

As I spoke with my friend she was saying thank you for helping her get free of this person who had spent the last 7 years slowly erasing her.  I thought for a moment at everything that has taken place over the past several months and my own actions actually made me question my own sanity a bit. I must be insane, but I know that a certain amount of insanity is going to be needed to slay this beast.  I went all in on this one. It’s been an outright spiritual battle for all involved on our end.

I’ve been aware of my friend’s situation for a few years and always offered the same advice “get out while you still can!”.  She called me one day completely broken down, alone, scared but determined after months of not hearing from her, and she said, “I have to get away, things are really bad, and I need help”. These were words I have been waiting to hear from her since I first learned of her situation.

The day she left, and I was on the way to pick her up (she was not “allowed” to drive and all her ID’s, license, passport, and bank cards were being held hostage) she started to send messages that the narcissist was trying to have her committed to the psych ward with the help of their “marriage therapist” who happens to live across the street and allows him to torment her from her home now. By the time I reached our meeting point she was being hauled away by ambulance and a police escort for an involuntary psychiatric evaluation because the narcissist said she was “off her meds and psychotic” after she told him she wanted a divorce.  

I rushed to the hospital and have been doing my own special advocate bat shit crazy on this case ever since. My own traumas flaring up as a result of such a similar situation. When she said thank you I realized all that those words meant because once you are in the depths of narcissistic hell the way out usually involves one of two options: disappear or just check out of life. Helping her can only be described as being the equivalent of giving spiritual CPR. There is no other option once you see and can label attempted soul murder.  You have no choice as a survivor but to go all in because we know first hand that nobody else will and that inaction from all involved could end up killing somebody.

I thought about the forums, groups and pages started by survivors geared toward narcissistic abuse awareness and in that moment, I was so proud of this entire community of healing warriors of narcissistic abuse.  I explained to my friend the nature of a narcissistic abuse survivor which is to advocate and fight for other survivors usually without question. I also explained that one day when this is over she will most likely be unable to stop herself from doing the same thing as many of us.

We hear the truth in a stranger’s story and almost in self-preservation we come to their aid because we know what it was like to be standing in their shoes alone. Once you become involved with other survivors you immediately identify with them. It seems to be a part of our own healing process to help other survivors see their way out.  Even more to the spirit of a survivor is our willingness to go above and beyond for justice in the defense of another survivor which is what makes this community so beautiful in the first place. The only way to go from victim to survivor of this form of abuse is to completely and utterly cut all contact with these predators and anyone associated with them.  This can be especially painful when they are blood family, but it is possible. 

From one survivor to another, it is an extremely long road to recovery, but you are no longer alone. We are waiting over here on the other side of that nightmare for you to join us on the road to healing and awareness. More specifically, we need you to help us create change within our legal system for all of the victims who have lost their lives to this silent abuse. We need you here to share your story.  So, if you are feeling, in this moment, that suicide is your only option just know that on the other side of that pain there is hope and there is purpose you just need to make it there and you CAN make it there.

Regards,









May 12, 2017

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This book is filled with Narcissistic predicaments every survivor finds themselves in. This forecast of narcissistic moods and behaviors should be read by anyone who is dating, getting married, getting divorced, wondering why your family hates you, questioning your sanity, or if you are just human and leave your house with the possibility of interacting with other humans. If you have listened to others who have experienced life with a narcissist then you know it's as if every narcissist was handed a playbook that guides them on how to abuse their victims to inflict the maximum amount of damage. If there ever was a Narc Manual then this is it. The knowledge within these pages will help you spot narcissistic behavior in order to avoid forming relationships with toxic people while simultaneously being your "ah ha" moment if you happen to already be in one of these high conflict nightmares. The information provided here is for both men and women and is not intended to be used as a tool for learning how to manipulate a narcissist. This is for your own knowledge to protect yourself from emotional and psychological abuse. I’m sharing this with the hopes that when and/or if you spot this behavior you can steer clear of these train wrecks.



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April 13, 2017

I found out my fiance lied about buying our dream home after we went furniture shopping


What to do when your narcissist does it all. From suicide threats, caller ID spoofers, faking deaths, and faking family members to harrass you 




Dear Narcissist Problems,

Hi, I would like to share my current situation with the group anonymously. I believe I may be dating a Sociopath. It started a little over two years ago. We met online and talked for about 2 months before meeting at a local festival. That same day he said "I love you", which was a little soon for me but I went along with it. Within a few months he spoke with my mother and siblings about marrying me. Months went by and I asked him if I could go over and spend the day with his kids. He said he wasn’t ready for that and that he preferred I stay away and respect the privacy of the home. I wasn’t sure why he wanted to marry and yet I wasn’t allowed in his home. A year went by and he still not proposed like he had told my family.

Then he decided he wanted to buy a home and basically created a distraction away from the "wedding". We spent nearly another year searching for a home yet he would find everything wrong with every place we looked at. Finally we had agreed on one home. He decided tonight through his realtor. He called and said the house was ours! He even took me out to shop for furniture and cabinets and flooring. One day I decided to drive by the house and noticed there were people living there. I confronted him and he (of course) made a scene and cried said he didn’t want to disappoint me by telling me we didn’t get the house. I was shocked because he knew all along and still had me out shopping. I didn’t feel like I could trust him anymore. He would threaten me with hurting himself if I left him. Our arguments always somehow ended up being my fault.

 After nearly 2.5 years with him I decided to end the relationship. He disappeared for a few days. Then the messages started. It was his ex-wife asking for me to call his mother because he had jumped out in front of traffic. I called and of course no answer. His mother never called me, all she did was text and I thought it was weird. I went to his job and his employee said he had been there earlier and was not injured. So I knew in that moment it was a lie. Then it got more interesting with his mother texting me telling me he had passed away and planned his funeral. I went to his place of work and confronted him about the huge lie.

He said he just wanted me to feel how he felt when I ended the relationship. That he loved me so much that he couldn't live without me. I changed my number but he found he could still email and is still threatens me with taking pills to end his life. It’s too much. I’m emotionally drained. He has taken what little trust and faith I had left. Too many coincidences too many little things adding up too many BIG lies. I'm know I'm not crazy. Help!

Sincerely,

“Emotionally Blackmailed”


An update from “Emotional Blackmail” 

            A shocking twist. His first attempt at faking his own death was uncovered but that was not enough for him. He admitted he knew he needed psychiatric help and asked for me to be supportive. He blamed his PTSD for all his problems. He claimed to have checked in to a mental hospital and even called me from the hospital a few times to prove to me he was there. A part of me that wanted to think it was true and he was getting help.

A week later he called and said he had been released and asked me to run away and get married in Florida. I simply replied “You already know my answer”. Anyone who loved me would never ask for me to leave my family. Little did I know, by declining his proposal to run away, I had signed up for my worst nightmare.  

No sooner than the next morning I started getting emails and messages from his friends and family for the second time telling me he had committed suicide by overdose and I was going to be held responsible. Email after email accusing me of ruining his life and being the cause of his suffering. I was even sent a copy of the death certificate and his family demanded I sign over to them power of attorney.

There was a moment in time when I started to think this may be real, but my gut told me otherwise. I decided to go to the Coroner’s office to verify the certificate, and of course, it was FAKE! They advised me to report to the police department, but I was disappointed to find they could not help me due to the fact the document did not have my information and I was not in immediate danger.

 In the meantime, the emails persisted, still demanding power of attorney for an estate, children left in my care, and a body that needed to be released from the morgue. I had not been replying to the email or messages because I was so sick and tired of the games, I knew he was playing with my head all along.

As the emails continued I could tell he was getting frustrated and angry that I was not engaging. He started using his nieces name to send me threats like, “I’m going to strangle you”, “I will make you pay for this”, and “I will ruin your family”. With emails like those I was finally able to provide the police evidence of the abuse. I was granted a protection order and a detective would be assigned to my case.

 My sister once again took it upon herself to dig a little deeper, she found my ex-boyfriend’s niece on Facebook and asked if she knew my ex. She described him and asked if she was aware her uncle was using her name to threaten people. The poor girl was horrified to find that her own family would do such a thing, she even questioned if this could be the same person because the night before they had gone out to dinner and trick-or-treat and even his WIFE was there with them and that they had never been divorced!

 My sister called me with the news, my jaw and stomach dropped to the floor. I could not believe that I had been with a married man for two and half years. How could anyone get away with so much for this long? How could this happen to me? He did send one last message, he did not admit to the emails but that he had lost everything because of me, his family, his life, his job. He said he would leave me alone and give me peace “you can be happy it will be like I never existed everything is gone”. He wondered why I had not gotten him arrested. I never did reply to him.

 I can only assume this was one last attempt at controlling me, my emotions and hurting me. I feel used, empty, I even feel stupid for falling for this crazy person and all his lies, and I had been living a lie all this time. I was “the other women”.

 I had gone through abuse in the past but nothing like this, bruises and scars heal, but emotional abuse is the hardest to overcome. I am currently struggling with anxiety, stress, constantly feeling edgy, sensitive and afraid. I feel like I’m withdrawing from everything I once loved and everything that made me happy. I look forward to the day this will no longer be a painful memory but a story to tell about a lesson learned and how I became stronger, braver. I will continue to follow through with the protection order and police report. He will need to confront reality and all those he has hurt with his lies.

 Sincerely,

“Emotionally Blackmailed”



Dear “Emotionally Blackmailed”,

        What a royal mind fuck that guy was!  Excuse my language but dayum!  Can we be sure there really was an ex-wife or children?  Honey, YOU are NOT the CRAZY one!!!  When you first started explaining the situation (in your first message!)  I was sitting here thinking “we have a common cheater here” and then by the end my mind was spinning to grasp what I had just read.  If my mind is spinning and I don't even know the guy.... I can't even imagine your mental state right now. I'd be questioning my own sanity as well!
     The good news is that you ended the relationship and I’d really like to thank you for sharing this because there is someone out there shopping for furniture and cabinets right now who desperately needed to hear what you went through. 
     The sad part of this situation is that his threats of suicide are clearly tactics he uses to manipulate people.  This is sad because there are people out there who really are suicidal and they might not get help because of people like this.  I have some advice and that is to document all the crazy you can.  One blogger who has experienced a similar situation as the very first sentence in her blog states that;

Self-harm and suicide threats are amongst the most terrifying – and effective – manipulation tactics in an abuser’s toolkit.”



     I would change your phone number as soon as possible. I can't over state the importance of this. I have been hearing some crazy stories for the past two months about how narcissists are using caller ID spoofers and its making my skin crawl. CHANGE YOUR NUMBER!  For the future if someone sends random threats of suicide call the police or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-8255.  Moreover, continue to go no contact with this emotional blackmailer!  It might be (a BIG might at this point!) tough but move, change your number, change your job, or leave the planet just don’t go back! Get in touch with a lawyer and file police reports.

 I don’t know if the guy is a sociopath but he is clearly disordered!  I'm pretty sure he is using an app that can send a text and make it look like it came from another phone number. I wouldn’t doubt if the ex-wife who called wasn’t him with one of those voice changing apps.  He might have even hired some random person in a bar or off the street....OR he has been practicing his woman voice for years in order to impersonate his mother for whatever reasons... i.e. skipping class in high school and calling in or worse!
What do we know about this guy? 1. He has (might have) a wife and kids.  The “ex” is up for debate at this point.  Hell the whole previous marriage is up for debate in my book.  2.  He lied about buying an entire house to the point that you were out shopping for furniture and found out by seeing another family moving in.  3. He threatened suicide and then had a phone call made to you so you would know.  4. He pretended to be his mother and sent you text messages telling you that he was dead as a form of emotional revenge.  I would say that would qualify him as being an experienced abuser who is a master of mind manipulation and emotional blackmail.


  I would go no contact, change your number, and get into trauma therapy. 


             I think this goes beyond dealing with a regular Narcissist Problem. The first time you wrote in I thought you were dealing with an extreme narcissist but this second elaboration of the situation just confirms that this guy is a narcopath!!!  I’ve seen my fair share of Narcissist Problems but this guy takes the cake!  Also, good for you for digging into the lies by going to the coroner’s office for confirmation.  It’s insane that one would even need to do that yet here we are.  I can only imagine the coroner’s reaction and I hope they didn’t treat you like you were insane for too long.  

As for the police doing anything about the fake death certificate you found out the hard way that going to police with these things is a lost cause.  Trust me, I haven’t had to go to the police with a fake death certificate but for other fraud related incidents.  I learned that they will turn you away and worst case scenario they will make you feel like a paranoid schizophrenic even if you show them evidence. 

When I had my situation and the police were of no help I contacted a criminal defense attorney because I figured if anyone had answers they would.  One attorney instructed me to go to the prosecuting attorney’s office with all the documents and see if they will bring a case against the person for forgery (not fraud).  I learned that there is a difference between the terms fraud and forgery and you were the victim of a forgery. 

 For better understanding, fraud is when someone deceives you for monetary gains and forgery is a technique used to commit fraud by creating a document in order to deceive.  Since they were demanding power of attorney for property, children, and the forgers “body release” I would say you have a pretty good case and should consider pursuing this further.  I know it would be easier to just walk away but the reality of the situation is that the crazy is not going to end unless you disappear. 

I’m really glad you got an order of protection against this guy.  Keep documenting the crazy because you are going to need everything later. They are really good at recruiting flying monkeys to harass their victims but it seems like this guy is a pro at creating flying monkeys.  Honestly, his lack of manipulating people into doing his dirty work but instead creating flying monkeys and harassing you himself scares the hell out of me. I mean its normal for them to create fake profiles to stalk but this guy doesn’t even seem to have anyone in his life that is aware of you yet you have been harassed by his “whole family”.  First the mom, now the niece, and who else is really just fake?  That’s a whole separate level of hate and I’m starting to wonder if he is actually a psychopath.

  I think that your reactions are normal in this situation.  These relationships will take a toll on us permanently but you need to know that you were not and are not stupid. The only thing I can suggest is completely cut yourself off.  You might even need to move to another state, change your number, change your emails again because this guy will never stop.  It’s scary, confusing, and it’s not fair to be forced into such drastic measures but we are talking about your peace. 

Evil people don't announce themselves.

  They show up as everything you've ever wanted

 and then turn into your worst nightmare

Staying where you are, if he knows where you are, will only force you to withdraw more.  What you have been through is going to take a very long time to recover from.  In fact, it’s probably going to change you forever.  Who you were, who you are, and who you are going to be will meet in this moment and how you go on from here is going to define your future.  You can let this break you permanently but from the sounds of it you are going to be stronger, wiser, and possibly an advocate for others.  There is a quote flying around the internet that is dead on and it goes something like this “There are going to be moments in your life where a clear line is drawn between before this moment and after this moment.” I don’t know who wrote it but it is so true.  You got this so just keep going!

Sincerely,


Update: These correspondence took place over a few months with the last message from "emotionally blackmailed" being that The police decided to pursue a case and this person was eventually arressted.  
     

April 6, 2017

Domestic Violence or Domestic Terrorism?

Narcissists Are Domestic Terrorists


When a narcissist has totally lost control of their victim they often resort to false allegations of child abuse or worse as a form of punishment. Victims of this legal and financial abuse lose years of their lives as well as every last penny and these are just a few of the reasons they are domestic terrorists. Protect yourself from legal abuse by knowing your legal rights.





Dear Narcissist Problems,

     What do you do if you are forced to deal with problems created by the narcissistic ex-wife of your live in boyfriend? Due to the fact they have young children together who visit every weekend and vacations.  I ignore her actions but still have to hear about the abuse she extends on my boyfriend and her children because of her hatred of my boyfriend. My boyfriend tends to minimize the abuse which is extremely annoying. Sometimes I think he enjoys the attention from it. I feel like I'm just another victim caught in the middle of this huge mess.

Sincerely,

"Baby Momma Drama"

Dear "Baby Momma Drama",

     Dealing with a narcissist in this type of situation is going to take a lot of soul searching. The first thing you should do is realize how short life is and come to an understanding that staying with your boyfriend is going to result in the majority of the rest of your life being spent in a living nightmare. You called him your boyfriend and he has small children so to me that means that your relationship is semi-fresh. I would really take some time to examine if YOU can deal with what you are already dealing with times ten thousand. My honest advice is just don’t do this to yourself.

      You need to appreciate the fact that everything that annoys you now will only escalate and over the years you will grow more and more tired of it. First, I would set some boundaries with your boyfriend and let him know that unless he is willing to try to change the situation then you don't want to hear the constant complaints because it will slowly kill you. 

     If you feel that he enjoys the attention I would trust your gut on that because he probably does. Don't let his victim-hood dominate your reaction of building boundaries especially when he is making zero effort to change his circumstances. You didn't give too many details about what she is doing that is abusive so I'll let you know what you're in for.

     Stay as far out of the situation as possible you don’t want to get dragged through the mud multiple times a month. When the kids are there don't talk about child support or their mother in front of them EVER. These children are the most innocent bystanders in the whole situation because they have absolutely nil control over what is going on. If you want to be in their lives be there for support. Understand that their mother is probably trying to alienate them from their father. This takes place by bad mouthing you and their father to the children as well as manufacturing situations and scenarios that make the both of you look like the bad guys. Children are incredibly observant and they will hopefully be able to see that things are not the same as their mother is telling them. Just don't put them in the middle in any way, shape, or form.

 You are in for a modern day witch hunt. Period.


Think about the Salem witch trials for a moment and understand you are in a position for that to be burned at the stake. Only instead of being accused of witchcraft you will eventually be accused of child abuse because this is what narcissistic parents do to their ex-spouses and their new partner. At some point child protective services will be at your door to investigate one or both of you for harming the children. It’s a good thing you asked how to deal with a narcissistic ex-wife so now you can be prepared on how to deal with CPS because they will be showing up to ask you questions at some point.


Narcissists will plant drugs in your car or house then call the police





Dealing with Child Protective Services after false allegations of child abuse


      When dealing with child protective services make it known that you believe that the anonymous report of child abuse most likely came from the vindictive mother because it has been a very high conflict situation and has now escalated to false allegations of abuse. Then answer their questions simply, do NOT offer any extras as anything you say can and will be twisted into something horrific and then used against you in a court of law. You are going to need advice from a lawyer and if it is possible make sure that you speak with a lawyer before even answering one single question from the government. All of these situations will end up bleeding you guys dry. You can get free online legal advice by clicking the link below.

     Social workers are not your friend and they are not there to help clear the air. They are there looking for abuse. Do not delay contacting an attorney. This is a situation where your civil rights can be taken away specifically in reference to the 4th and 14th amendments so if you want to say you need to contact your attorney and you will have your attorney set up a meeting to answer their questions. Most people assume that saying this makes you look "guilty". I don't give a shit, don't be stupid, innocent or guilty, fathers are losing their rights left and right in this country so don't think for a single second that just because you are innocent that some crazy shit isn't about to go down.

     Further, our family court system doesn't need the same standard of evidence that is needed in the criminal court system. Hence, the witch hunt has begun. If CPS is at your door that means who ever can tell the best story wins. Truth or Lies, this is the reality of the situation and you are dealing with a narcissist!

     Document ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. If CPS shows up at your door let them know you will be recording the conversation. If they refuse then tell them you will set a meeting up with them with your lawyer. Find out what the allegations are. Deny them. Then call your attorney!

Know your rights and practice them!

Do they have a search warrant?

       If not....DO NOT LET THEM IN YOUR HOME!!! This is the biggest mistake parents can make and people say “well if I refuse to let them in then I will look guilty”. I don’t care how you “look” you are protected by the United States constitution to be free of unreasonable searches and seizures. They are there to search your home and possibly seize children. Your children are considered your property. Ask for a warrant and if they fail to produce one then ask what the allegations are.

What is the allegation and what is the probable cause that you have commited neglect or abuse?

     Once you hear the allegation then ask what the probable cause was that this abuse or neglect occurred to trigger an investigation. Don’t be hostile during your encounters with Child Protective Services but don’t hand them your children on a silver platter either. Trust me if they can find ANY reason, sometimes even a manufactured reason, they WILL take your children and you will find yourself in court in no time. I have no idea how this agency is even getting away with half the shit they do but they are. You are under no obligation to not practice your rights so please do so!

     Anonymous calls to DCFS/CPS are like a feeding grounds for narcissists because they have found an entire government agency that can destroy your life based on their lies and gossip. You will never be given a trial, there doesn’t need to be probable cause, and the evidence can be hearsay. The only trial you might get is for any crimes DCFS can dream up that you have committed and even if you are cleared of those manufactured crimes then they will still keep your children. This agency acts outside of the law, outside of the constitution, and they will destroy your life. So let them think you “look” anyway they want but they better bring a warrant.


What are your concerns Mr. or Mrs. potential Kidnapper??


If they need to see the children…. Bring the children outside.

If they need to see that you have electricity….. Turn on the porch light.

If they need to check for running water….. Excuse yourself and go take a 20 second video with your faucet running.

If they need to see that you have food…… go take a picture of your open refrigerator (make sure it’s clean! If it’s not then make them stand outside to wait so you can wipe up any spilled Kool-aide). Open your cabinets and take a picture of your canned goods and boxed food items. Open up your deep freezer and take a pic of that.

If they need to check your home because someone said “it’s dirty” then go take a picture of your clean house because if you have even a few dishes in your sink that could be grounds that you are filthy slobs. Make them wait for as long as you need to in order to make sure that the very last speck of dirt has been removed if you need to.

If they need you to take a drug test…… here is where some people run into issues because if you refuse then that could be grounds for an emergency child removal because to them you are trying to hide your “addiction” when in reality you are simply standing up for YOUR right to be free from illegal searches and seizures….. Ask them if they would like to make the drive to your doctor’s office. Do not let them drug test you because if you are on ANY prescription medications, valid or not, that could make you fail a drug test then they will take your kids……even with a prescription…… Let me say that again so everyone understands: (see why here)


CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES WILL DO AN EMERGENCY CHILD REMOVAL CLAIMING THAT YOU ARE A DRUG ADDICT EVEN IF THE DRUG TEST YOU FAILED WAS A DRUG PRESCRIBED BY YOUR OWN DOCTOR AND EVEN IF YOU CAN PROVE IT......DON'T GET RAILROADED.


      If you think I’m kidding about this start doing some research because it’s happening America…… it’s happening every single day……. Narcissist’s LOVE child protective services because this agency actually helps them perpetuate their sick abuse against you.

      If your narcissist knows that you take a prescription medication for anything that could fail a drug test I guarantee that they will be calling up DCFS alleging that you are some crazed drug addict for the specific medication you are on. Here is what DCFS will say “Well our report says you are abusing this medication and you tested positive for it on the drug test so now we are taking your kids until we get better lab work proving how much of this medication is in your system”. Period. Let DCFS think what they want just protect yourself because this agency is like a narcissist on steroids! Man I could go on all day long about DCFS but I’ll leave it at that. 


     This video is a great demonstration of how the DCFS visit SHOULD go but only if you know and practice your rights. You might think that being cooperative is the best way to go with these people but that is the easiest way to get your kids legally kidnapped.  It is your patriotic duty to know your rights and practice them because if you don't then you don't have any.





Here is a great book to get you started on how to deal with baby momma and could help your boyfriend as well:

You will also probably have the police show up at your house around 2 or 3 am a few times because someone reported a domestic dispute because you did something to piss baby Momma off. I will have to say that in my own experience the police tend to actually investigate the claims being made but it might simply be due to the fact that their is a higher standard of evidence needed in criminal court than in family court. 

 I mean really I could write a book on this, in fact, I just might. There is just too much to go into on this subject of "what if".  It would probably be easier to answer what will go right as the list would be shorter. Without some more specific instances of specific behavior I'm just scrapping the surface on this one. Examine the relationship and decide if you want to continue moving forward with your boyfriend because if you stay it will be a never ending cycle of what if's that either one of us could have never predicted. Good Luck to you and we are always here for support!!


Regards,

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