Showing posts with label #divorcinganarcissist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #divorcinganarcissist. Show all posts

May 12, 2017

Read The Little Black Book of Bat Shit Crazy Free with Kindle Unlimited

The Little Black Book of Bat Shit Crazy!

This book is filled with Narcissistic predicaments every survivor finds themselves in. This forecast of narcissistic moods and behaviors should be read by anyone who is dating, getting married, getting divorced, wondering why your family hates you, questioning your sanity, or if you are just human and leave your house with the possibility of interacting with other humans. If you have listened to others who have experienced life with a narcissist then you know it's as if every narcissist was handed a playbook that guides them on how to abuse their victims to inflict the maximum amount of damage. If there ever was a Narc Manual then this is it. The knowledge within these pages will help you spot narcissistic behavior in order to avoid forming relationships with toxic people while simultaneously being your "ah ha" moment if you happen to already be in one of these high conflict nightmares. The information provided here is for both men and women and is not intended to be used as a tool for learning how to manipulate a narcissist. This is for your own knowledge to protect yourself from emotional and psychological abuse. I’m sharing this with the hopes that when and/or if you spot this behavior you can steer clear of these train wrecks.

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April 6, 2017

Domestic Violence or Domestic Terrorism?

Narcissists Are Domestic Terrorists

When a narcissist has totally lost control of their victim they often resort to false allegations of child abuse or worse as a form of punishment. Victims of this legal and financial abuse lose years of their lives as well as every last penny and these are just a few of the reasons they are domestic terrorists. Protect yourself from legal abuse by knowing your legal rights.

Dear Narcissist Problems,

     What do you do if you are forced to deal with problems created by the narcissistic ex-wife of your live in boyfriend? Due to the fact they have young children together who visit every weekend and vacations.  I ignore her actions but still have to hear about the abuse she extends on my boyfriend and her children because of her hatred of my boyfriend. My boyfriend tends to minimize the abuse which is extremely annoying. Sometimes I think he enjoys the attention from it. I feel like I'm just another victim caught in the middle of this huge mess.


"Baby Momma Drama"

Dear "Baby Momma Drama",

     Dealing with a narcissist in this type of situation is going to take a lot of soul searching. The first thing you should do is realize how short life is and come to an understanding that staying with your boyfriend is going to result in the majority of the rest of your life being spent in a living nightmare. You called him your boyfriend and he has small children so to me that means that your relationship is semi-fresh. I would really take some time to examine if YOU can deal with what you are already dealing with times ten thousand. My honest advice is just don’t do this to yourself.

      You need to appreciate the fact that everything that annoys you now will only escalate and over the years you will grow more and more tired of it. First, I would set some boundaries with your boyfriend and let him know that unless he is willing to try to change the situation then you don't want to hear the constant complaints because it will slowly kill you. 

     If you feel that he enjoys the attention I would trust your gut on that because he probably does. Don't let his victim-hood dominate your reaction of building boundaries especially when he is making zero effort to change his circumstances. You didn't give too many details about what she is doing that is abusive so I'll let you know what you're in for.

     Stay as far out of the situation as possible you don’t want to get dragged through the mud multiple times a month. When the kids are there don't talk about child support or their mother in front of them EVER. These children are the most innocent bystanders in the whole situation because they have absolutely nil control over what is going on. If you want to be in their lives be there for support. Understand that their mother is probably trying to alienate them from their father. This takes place by bad mouthing you and their father to the children as well as manufacturing situations and scenarios that make the both of you look like the bad guys. Children are incredibly observant and they will hopefully be able to see that things are not the same as their mother is telling them. Just don't put them in the middle in any way, shape, or form.

 You are in for a modern day witch hunt. Period.

Think about the Salem witch trials for a moment and understand you are in a position for that to be burned at the stake. Only instead of being accused of witchcraft you will eventually be accused of child abuse because this is what narcissistic parents do to their ex-spouses and their new partner. At some point child protective services will be at your door to investigate one or both of you for harming the children. It’s a good thing you asked how to deal with a narcissistic ex-wife so now you can be prepared on how to deal with CPS because they will be showing up to ask you questions at some point.

Narcissists will plant drugs in your car or house then call the police

Dealing with Child Protective Services after false allegations of child abuse

      When dealing with child protective services make it known that you believe that the anonymous report of child abuse most likely came from the vindictive mother because it has been a very high conflict situation and has now escalated to false allegations of abuse. Then answer their questions simply, do NOT offer any extras as anything you say can and will be twisted into something horrific and then used against you in a court of law. You are going to need advice from a lawyer and if it is possible make sure that you speak with a lawyer before even answering one single question from the government. All of these situations will end up bleeding you guys dry. You can get free online legal advice by clicking the link below.

     Social workers are not your friend and they are not there to help clear the air. They are there looking for abuse. Do not delay contacting an attorney. This is a situation where your civil rights can be taken away specifically in reference to the 4th and 14th amendments so if you want to say you need to contact your attorney and you will have your attorney set up a meeting to answer their questions. Most people assume that saying this makes you look "guilty". I don't give a shit, don't be stupid, innocent or guilty, fathers are losing their rights left and right in this country so don't think for a single second that just because you are innocent that some crazy shit isn't about to go down.

     Further, our family court system doesn't need the same standard of evidence that is needed in the criminal court system. Hence, the witch hunt has begun. If CPS is at your door that means who ever can tell the best story wins. Truth or Lies, this is the reality of the situation and you are dealing with a narcissist!

     Document ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. If CPS shows up at your door let them know you will be recording the conversation. If they refuse then tell them you will set a meeting up with them with your lawyer. Find out what the allegations are. Deny them. Then call your attorney!

Know your rights and practice them!

Do they have a search warrant?

       If not....DO NOT LET THEM IN YOUR HOME!!! This is the biggest mistake parents can make and people say “well if I refuse to let them in then I will look guilty”. I don’t care how you “look” you are protected by the United States constitution to be free of unreasonable searches and seizures. They are there to search your home and possibly seize children. Your children are considered your property. Ask for a warrant and if they fail to produce one then ask what the allegations are.

What is the allegation and what is the probable cause that you have commited neglect or abuse?

     Once you hear the allegation then ask what the probable cause was that this abuse or neglect occurred to trigger an investigation. Don’t be hostile during your encounters with Child Protective Services but don’t hand them your children on a silver platter either. Trust me if they can find ANY reason, sometimes even a manufactured reason, they WILL take your children and you will find yourself in court in no time. I have no idea how this agency is even getting away with half the shit they do but they are. You are under no obligation to not practice your rights so please do so!

     Anonymous calls to DCFS/CPS are like a feeding grounds for narcissists because they have found an entire government agency that can destroy your life based on their lies and gossip. You will never be given a trial, there doesn’t need to be probable cause, and the evidence can be hearsay. The only trial you might get is for any crimes DCFS can dream up that you have committed and even if you are cleared of those manufactured crimes then they will still keep your children. This agency acts outside of the law, outside of the constitution, and they will destroy your life. So let them think you “look” anyway they want but they better bring a warrant.

What are your concerns Mr. or Mrs. potential Kidnapper??

If they need to see the children…. Bring the children outside.

If they need to see that you have electricity….. Turn on the porch light.

If they need to check for running water….. Excuse yourself and go take a 20 second video with your faucet running.

If they need to see that you have food…… go take a picture of your open refrigerator (make sure it’s clean! If it’s not then make them stand outside to wait so you can wipe up any spilled Kool-aide). Open your cabinets and take a picture of your canned goods and boxed food items. Open up your deep freezer and take a pic of that.

If they need to check your home because someone said “it’s dirty” then go take a picture of your clean house because if you have even a few dishes in your sink that could be grounds that you are filthy slobs. Make them wait for as long as you need to in order to make sure that the very last speck of dirt has been removed if you need to.

If they need you to take a drug test…… here is where some people run into issues because if you refuse then that could be grounds for an emergency child removal because to them you are trying to hide your “addiction” when in reality you are simply standing up for YOUR right to be free from illegal searches and seizures….. Ask them if they would like to make the drive to your doctor’s office. Do not let them drug test you because if you are on ANY prescription medications, valid or not, that could make you fail a drug test then they will take your kids……even with a prescription…… Let me say that again so everyone understands: (see why here)


      If you think I’m kidding about this start doing some research because it’s happening America…… it’s happening every single day……. Narcissist’s LOVE child protective services because this agency actually helps them perpetuate their sick abuse against you.

      If your narcissist knows that you take a prescription medication for anything that could fail a drug test I guarantee that they will be calling up DCFS alleging that you are some crazed drug addict for the specific medication you are on. Here is what DCFS will say “Well our report says you are abusing this medication and you tested positive for it on the drug test so now we are taking your kids until we get better lab work proving how much of this medication is in your system”. Period. Let DCFS think what they want just protect yourself because this agency is like a narcissist on steroids! Man I could go on all day long about DCFS but I’ll leave it at that. 

     This video is a great demonstration of how the DCFS visit SHOULD go but only if you know and practice your rights. You might think that being cooperative is the best way to go with these people but that is the easiest way to get your kids legally kidnapped.  It is your patriotic duty to know your rights and practice them because if you don't then you don't have any.

Here is a great book to get you started on how to deal with baby momma and could help your boyfriend as well:

You will also probably have the police show up at your house around 2 or 3 am a few times because someone reported a domestic dispute because you did something to piss baby Momma off. I will have to say that in my own experience the police tend to actually investigate the claims being made but it might simply be due to the fact that their is a higher standard of evidence needed in criminal court than in family court. 

 I mean really I could write a book on this, in fact, I just might. There is just too much to go into on this subject of "what if".  It would probably be easier to answer what will go right as the list would be shorter. Without some more specific instances of specific behavior I'm just scrapping the surface on this one. Examine the relationship and decide if you want to continue moving forward with your boyfriend because if you stay it will be a never ending cycle of what if's that either one of us could have never predicted. Good Luck to you and we are always here for support!!


March 4, 2017

What to do when going No Contact is not an option

If you are divorcing or "counterparenting" with a narcissist then going no contact might not be an option. Here are some ways to protect yourself against false allegations or worse

Dear Narcissist Problems,

I have recently married a person who I thought was the woman of my dreams but it turns out that I have just signed up for a nightmare with someone I believe is a narcissist. To make things more complicated we have a young son together.

Things seemed to go downhill soon after we got married. Today she started another argument and she started shouting and yelling in front of our son. I ask her to stop raising her voice and calm down for our sons sake. After I asked her multiple times to stop, I picked up my son and said that I was taking him to his grandma's house so he didn’t have to listen to his parents argue.

I didn’t raise my voice to her once. I simply disengaged from the arguement in an effort to leave before the situation got out of control. When I said I was leaving she picked up the phone and dialed 911 (the emergency number, you know for emergencies…) and continues to scream into the phone and told the operator that I was abducting our son.

Long story short the police arrived, they asked her to calm down and that I’m allowed to take my son anywhere I want. Then they suggested that one of us leave the home – which is exactly what I was trying to do before she called them.

The officer said that he has to file a report and it will get forwarded to social services.

We live in a nice neighborhood and I was embarrassed that the cops even had to come to my quiet street and now I'm just numb at what insanity just took place.

I want to end this relationship but I'm affraid that if I leave she will not let me see our son. After this incident I'm also affraid that she will continue to call the police on me and try to get me arrested for things that I have not done. I don't know how to deal with this and never thought I would end up in a situation like is happening. I could use any advice you have. What do I do?


"Honeymoon is over"

Dear "Honeymoon",

It seems as if you are getting ready to step into a high conflict divorce so I would arm yourself with knowledge on how to protect yourself against false allegations of abuse to her and to your child. You need a plan immediately and should consult with a family law attorney sooner rather than later. I'm not going to sugar coat this because you really need to see the gravity of your situation for what it probably is, as I write this your wife and her friends are probably plotting to take you down, take your assets, and your son.

This information is good to keep on hand if you are a man or a woman going through a divorce with a narcissist as either can be highly manipulative. You can find yourself in so many horrible situations that you won't even know what hit you and if a narcissist can ruin your relationship with your child then they will so be prepared for that!

10 Steps to protect yourself against false allegations while divorcing a narcissist

1. Consult with an Attorney.

You need to get a consulation with an attorney who specialized is family law and has some experience dealing with false allegations to abuse. You need to get in touch with an attorney as soon as possible because as the police officer stated he was submiting a file to social services.

This means that you and your wife will soon be getting a knock on the door from a social worker who will be there to investigate you both for abuse or neglect. Don't make the mistake of not protecting yourself at this very critical stage of your issue. These are legal matters that can and will determine your future relationship (if any!) you will have with your child!

2. You need to document the crazy!!!!

Start documenting all future interactions. Divorcing a narcissist can quickly turn into your worst nightmare as the abuse progresses. You want to have every single interaction documented so that things can't later be manipulated or just made up.

Communicate via e-mail, text. When you talk via Skype, have a screen recorder/audio recorder on. When things are getting heated at home, have a pocket recorder.
 In many states, it’s legal to record if you’re a party to the conversation and you give consent to being recorded (i.e. you don’t need her consent).
In states that it isn’t legal, You should do it anyway for your own peace of mind to counter any lies or gaslighting you encounter later. You are not losing your mind you are being narcissized!

 Follow up every single interaction with an email to state your understanding of events! When sending e-mails, in this instance it could be a quick “Dear Wife, I wanted to take our son out of the home because it is not healthy for him to see and hear either of his parents angry and screaming at the people he loves. When you were yelling at me your words were hurting him a lot” etc. If you can set up the email so that it documents that the email has been opened.

Here is a list of everything you need to document the crazy if you can't go No Contact with a narcissist

3. Don't stay silent because you are embarassed!

 Many victims of narcissists both male and female make the mistake of trying to keep the lid on the explosion that is about to take place. This happens either out of embarassment or shame.
Start sharing your situation with people you trust. Do not go talk to people you are mutually friends with trying to convince them that you are not a bad person. These are typically people who in your gut you know will talk to your spouse in a heart beat about anything you say or do so avoid these people like the black plague!

At this point in the narcissistic nightmare your narc is building a sizable witness list. You need to do the same. Take your son with you to someone your trust and share what has just happened. Make a point to also never discuss what is going on infront of your son! This is key! Children should never be thrown into adult situations so just don't!

4. Install surveilance cameras.

 At this moment, you and your wife are in verbal confrontation. This has a high potential to escalate into a physical confrontation as she provokes you. She can hit you, and then claim you hit her even if you call the cops. You need solid evidence to keep you from being imprisoned because this is a favorite tactic of narcissists when they are losing control of a situation.

The reality of the situation is that if it’s just her word against yours, you ARE going to jail. Instead, what you want to do is this: record EVERYTHING especially in your home especially if she is already exhibiting aggressive behavior towards you. Wait for her to call the cops. When she does, pull all the footage from the hidden cameras and show it to them.

Then, charge her with falsification/harassment. I know there are women reading this shaking their heads saying this information will help narcissistic male abusers but think about that line of thought real quick. If everything is being recorded then wouldn't that protect you both from false accusations?

5. Separate financially and be open and honest about it so she is aware.

Don't pull a scum bag manuever where the two of you have agreed that she will be a stay at home mom while you work and then close the accounts leaving her with zero means to get by, homeless and starving. That is also abusive behavior.

 If there are any disputes talk to your lawyer about them, document them, and sort it out in court but try to be as fair as possible because this action will say way more than words ever can especially in a courtroom when you will be accused of financial abuse. Make sure you document every last cent that is going in and out of any accounts. Take out your share of cash from the joint accounts, give her a share, and document it! Further, immediately deactivate credit cards that you’re sharing with her. The last thing you need to deal with while divorcing a narcissist are maxed out credit cards!

6. Start building some quality time with your son. You want your son to not be coachable by your wife or her attorney. This is the stage that parental alienation really comes on in full force as an abusive parent tries to make a good parent out to be a child molesting serial killer who is hiding bodies all over the county.

 Try to keep your sons life as stable as possible and try to maintain a positive role model. Take your son out on some amazing trips where you two can bond: fishing, biking, etc. Take pictures of you guys having fun. One night, sit him down and explain what is happening in simple terms. Do NOT use this as an opportunity to bash your wife! Again, don't be that guy.

It's important that your son is aware of big changes that are taking place especially when those changes involve his family separating! Tell him to not be afraid and that you love him and always will. Further, always try to have a third party around instead of just going out with your son alone as many narcissists like to make false allegations of abuse when good parents do spend time alone with their children. Bring along another family member or someone else you would trust with your life.

7. Hire an Attorney. 

This is not the same as getting a consultation with initial advice. You want to be prepared and you do NOT want to have a high conflict divorce without one! Make sure that you give your attorney all your documentation and keep them up to date on what is going on. Everytime a police report is made or a social worker shows up call your lawyer ASAP!

8. Have a home not a bachelor pad! 

You want to see your son after the divorce right? You are in the middle of false allegations of whatever right? You do not want YOUR SON, police, or social services coming to a party pad! Your new home should be inviting, relaxing, and have enough rooms for everyone.

You want to let your son know that there is still space for him in your life. In an effort to do this he will need his own room, toys, and clothing. There is nothing worse for a child than to feel as though they don't belong even if you didn't mean to make them feel that way so always have his space clean and welcoming.

9. Mentally prepare yourself for the coming months or years.

There is nothing worse than divorcing a narcissist if you are not mentally prepared for the long haul ahead of you. You need to research your state laws, federal laws, and anything in between that could have an effect on your situation.

Being mentally prepared also means that you are finding emotional support. You don't necessarily need the support to be from those in your life but surround yourself with people who understand what you are going through. This could start by finding a place to vent when the poo really does hit the fan. It also helps because you will have others to give you perspective on the situation.

Make sure that your support system is not just a breeding ground for hate. If you find yourself in a support group of all men who hate every women on planet earth then this environment can also take a toll on your mental health. All or nothing people can have distorted thinking and they can be men or women so protect your mind from all or nothing view points.

Further, find a therapist who specifically deals with trauma and high conflict relationships. Don't put the therapy off because you will need it. You have to protect your mental health from disease and decay just as you do your body so don't just brush off a therapist because you think your not in need. You will be!

10. File for Divorce and realize that co-parenting with a narcissist in reality is counter-parenting.

You will need to make documenting your interactions with your ex-narcissist. These individuals do not know how to get along for the sake of their children. You need to protect yourself and your children from their toxic behaviors as much as possible. 

It might seem insane to most people that this information even needs to exisist but do yourself a favor and don't ignore a situation that could turn into losing your rights to your child. It happens to men and women every single day because they don't realize what they are up against. A normal person can't even begin to predict the nightmare situations that narcissists will create. When they get into divorce they find out really quickly that child protective services doesn't only show up for abused children they show up to investigate any claim your narcissist can get away with making. Good luck to you!


Narcissist problems