Dear Narcissist Problems,
Hi, I just currently was added to the group, but I have no
idea how it works. I really, really need some advice. I was casually talking to
a friend about my issues on my husband, (I never talk to anyone about it) and
she pointed me to a site that promotes you for advice and I really need some
before I just run away. Can you help me?
I
really need some advice but I do not want my friends to see my request. The
advice site you published is public and no way to post private. Can you help me
before I lose my mind? I was describing my dilemma to a friend and she
suggested I come here because she HAD a boyfriend in the past she is still
damaged by the narcissistic way he treated her. I am losing my mind and my
heart. I do not want a 3rd failed marriage because I can’t figure it out. I do
love him, but I cannot do this anymore. Can you please help me with advice?? Or
point someone to me please???
To start... I had no idea that of the reason of my anguish
about my husband until I was explaining my unhappiness to a friend. I thought
him to just be a flirt that would fail me eventually by putting himself into a
situation to cheat. The disrespect was often. I knew only a matter of time and
I would be another failure. Marriage #3. Can any marriage survive this? Is my
initial question. I am not sure my heart can even after talking to his mother
that sees it too. Help? The help I need us to emotionally survive it while also
not upsetting everyone. Ideas? Please I need them. I am at the verge of
breaking down to something I cannot come back from.
Sincerely,
Losing my Mind
Dear “Losing my mind”,
I know this can
be a little confusing with how to have a question posted anonymously so here is
the link for the Narcissist Problems Facebook Page. Please message the page with any questions
and the link is here:
After sending your question into the page I will spend time
reviewing your question and then building an appropriate reply. This may take a few days if I need more
details or information and time to give full thought as to how I will
respond. Most of the time if I need more
details about the situation I will send a message to ask.
Now that we got that out of the way lets focus on the real
reason you came here. You have 2 failed
marriages and are working on the 3rd. I would love to give you advice on how to
cope with your situation but I am not sure I really understand the situation
fully. I understand that there has been
infidelity, and I am not discounting this but in order to point you in the
right direction I would need to know what is going on that is making you feel
you are going to lose your mind besides the cheating. What are your daily interactions like? Do you have some examples of behavior patterns
or how you speak to each other or what you actually argue about? Why do you feel he is cheating on you or are
you assuming he has been cheating on you?
Is it possible that you have been in such fear of infidelity that you
might possibly be sabotaging your own marriage?
I don’t want you to have another failed marriage either and if I were in
your shoes I would probably be freaking out as well. My first suggestion, based on 3 marriages, is
to ask you to examine your life, specifically your childhood. How did your parents interact with you and what
are your relationships. Were your
parents emotionally or physically abusive?
I’m asking about this because it seems that many people developed relationships
in adulthood that follow similar patterns experienced with family in childhood.
The big question here is why do you continue to develop relationships that fall
apart? My second and last suggestion is
to seek therapy. You have a pattern of
failed relationships in your life and if you want to fix this you are going to
need to find out why and then come up with solutions. There is no quick fix when it comes to change
and while I would love to help you figure this out I am not qualified to do
so. Can a marriage survive
infidelity? That would depend on
multiple factors but the important thing to ponder is, do you want it to? I know there are a lot of questions here and
less advice but I can’t assume what’s going on in your life or in your
marriage. In my own life I have learned
that I need to build solid and trusting foundations with those I let into my
small circle. I tend to my close
relationships like I would tend to a garden.
I take care of them. I remove weeds
when necessary. I pay attention to
toxins or parasites that may be killing my garden and proceed with research and
knowledge. The foundation of any
relationship is going to begin at home with you. If you do not love or take care of yourself
you will have a really hard time convincing others to. Good luck on your journey and if you have any
more questions please send it to the first link above.
Regards,
Narcissist Problems
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