What to do when your narcissist does it all. From suicide threats, caller ID spoofers, faking deaths, and faking family members to harrass you
Dear Narcissist Problems,
Hi, I would like to share my current situation with the group anonymously. I believe I may be dating a Sociopath. It started a little over two years ago. We met online and talked for about 2 months before meeting at a local festival. That same day he said "I love you", which was a little soon for me but I went along with it. Within a few months he spoke with my mother and siblings about marrying me. Months went by and I asked him if I could go over and spend the day with his kids. He said he wasn’t ready for that and that he preferred I stay away and respect the privacy of the home. I wasn’t sure why he wanted to marry and yet I wasn’t allowed in his home. A year went by and he still not proposed like he had told my family.
Then he decided he wanted to buy a home and basically created a distraction away from the "wedding". We spent nearly another year searching for a home yet he would find everything wrong with every place we looked at. Finally we had agreed on one home. He decided tonight through his realtor. He called and said the house was ours! He even took me out to shop for furniture and cabinets and flooring. One day I decided to drive by the house and noticed there were people living there. I confronted him and he (of course) made a scene and cried said he didn’t want to disappoint me by telling me we didn’t get the house. I was shocked because he knew all along and still had me out shopping. I didn’t feel like I could trust him anymore. He would threaten me with hurting himself if I left him. Our arguments always somehow ended up being my fault.
After nearly 2.5 years with him I decided to end the relationship. He disappeared for a few days. Then the messages started. It was his ex-wife asking for me to call his mother because he had jumped out in front of traffic. I called and of course no answer. His mother never called me, all she did was text and I thought it was weird. I went to his job and his employee said he had been there earlier and was not injured. So I knew in that moment it was a lie. Then it got more interesting with his mother texting me telling me he had passed away and planned his funeral. I went to his place of work and confronted him about the huge lie.
He said he just wanted me to feel how he felt when I ended the relationship. That he loved me so much that he couldn't live without me. I changed my number but he found he could still email and is still threatens me with taking pills to end his life. It’s too much. I’m emotionally drained. He has taken what little trust and faith I had left. Too many coincidences too many little things adding up too many BIG lies. I'm know I'm not crazy. Help!
Sincerely,
“Emotionally Blackmailed”
An update from “Emotional Blackmail”
A shocking twist. His first attempt at faking his own death was uncovered but that was not enough for him. He admitted he knew he needed psychiatric help and asked for me to be supportive. He blamed his PTSD for all his problems. He claimed to have checked in to a mental hospital and even called me from the hospital a few times to prove to me he was there. A part of me that wanted to think it was true and he was getting help.
A week later he called and said he had been released and asked me to run away and get married in Florida. I simply replied “You already know my answer”. Anyone who loved me would never ask for me to leave my family. Little did I know, by declining his proposal to run away, I had signed up for my worst nightmare.
No sooner than the next morning I started getting emails and messages from his friends and family for the second time telling me he had committed suicide by overdose and I was going to be held responsible. Email after email accusing me of ruining his life and being the cause of his suffering. I was even sent a copy of the death certificate and his family demanded I sign over to them power of attorney.
There was a moment in time when I started to think this may be real, but my gut told me otherwise. I decided to go to the Coroner’s office to verify the certificate, and of course, it was FAKE! They advised me to report to the police department, but I was disappointed to find they could not help me due to the fact the document did not have my information and I was not in immediate danger.
In the meantime, the emails persisted, still demanding power of attorney for an estate, children left in my care, and a body that needed to be released from the morgue. I had not been replying to the email or messages because I was so sick and tired of the games, I knew he was playing with my head all along.
As the emails continued I could tell he was getting frustrated and angry that I was not engaging. He started using his nieces name to send me threats like, “I’m going to strangle you”, “I will make you pay for this”, and “I will ruin your family”. With emails like those I was finally able to provide the police evidence of the abuse. I was granted a protection order and a detective would be assigned to my case.
My sister once again took it upon herself to dig a little deeper, she found my ex-boyfriend’s niece on Facebook and asked if she knew my ex. She described him and asked if she was aware her uncle was using her name to threaten people. The poor girl was horrified to find that her own family would do such a thing, she even questioned if this could be the same person because the night before they had gone out to dinner and trick-or-treat and even his WIFE was there with them and that they had never been divorced!
My sister called me with the news, my jaw and stomach dropped to the floor. I could not believe that I had been with a married man for two and half years. How could anyone get away with so much for this long? How could this happen to me? He did send one last message, he did not admit to the emails but that he had lost everything because of me, his family, his life, his job. He said he would leave me alone and give me peace “you can be happy it will be like I never existed everything is gone”. He wondered why I had not gotten him arrested. I never did reply to him.
I can only assume this was one last attempt at controlling me, my emotions and hurting me. I feel used, empty, I even feel stupid for falling for this crazy person and all his lies, and I had been living a lie all this time. I was “the other women”.
I had gone through abuse in the past but nothing like this, bruises and scars heal, but emotional abuse is the hardest to overcome. I am currently struggling with anxiety, stress, constantly feeling edgy, sensitive and afraid. I feel like I’m withdrawing from everything I once loved and everything that made me happy. I look forward to the day this will no longer be a painful memory but a story to tell about a lesson learned and how I became stronger, braver. I will continue to follow through with the protection order and police report. He will need to confront reality and all those he has hurt with his lies.
Sincerely,
“Emotionally Blackmailed”
Dear “Emotionally Blackmailed”,
What a royal mind fuck that guy was! Excuse my language but dayum! Can we be sure there really was an ex-wife or children? Honey, YOU are NOT the CRAZY one!!! When you first started explaining the situation (in your first message!) I was sitting here thinking “we have a common cheater here” and then by the end my mind was spinning to grasp what I had just read. If my mind is spinning and I don't even know the guy.... I can't even imagine your mental state right now. I'd be questioning my own sanity as well!
The good news is that you ended the relationship and I’d really like to thank you for sharing this because there is someone out there shopping for furniture and cabinets right now who desperately needed to hear what you went through.
The sad part of this situation is that his threats of suicide are clearly tactics he uses to manipulate people. This is sad because there are people out there who really are suicidal and they might not get help because of people like this. I have some advice and that is to document all the crazy you can. One blogger who has experienced a similar situation as the very first sentence in her blog states that;
“Self-harm and suicide threats are amongst the most terrifying – and effective – manipulation tactics in an abuser’s toolkit.”
I would change your phone number as soon as possible. I can't over state the importance of this. I have been hearing some crazy stories for the past two months about how narcissists are using caller ID spoofers and its making my skin crawl. CHANGE YOUR NUMBER! For the future if someone sends random threats of suicide call the police or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-8255. Moreover, continue to go no contact with this emotional blackmailer! It might be (a BIG might at this point!) tough but move, change your number, change your job, or leave the planet just don’t go back! Get in touch with a lawyer and file police reports.
I don’t know if the guy is a sociopath but he is clearly disordered! I'm pretty sure he is using an app that can send a text and make it look like it came from another phone number. I wouldn’t doubt if the ex-wife who called wasn’t him with one of those voice changing apps. He might have even hired some random person in a bar or off the street....OR he has been practicing his woman voice for years in order to impersonate his mother for whatever reasons... i.e. skipping class in high school and calling in or worse!
What do we know about this guy? 1. He has (might have) a wife and kids. The “ex” is up for debate at this point. Hell the whole previous marriage is up for debate in my book. 2. He lied about buying an entire house to the point that you were out shopping for furniture and found out by seeing another family moving in. 3. He threatened suicide and then had a phone call made to you so you would know. 4. He pretended to be his mother and sent you text messages telling you that he was dead as a form of emotional revenge. I would say that would qualify him as being an experienced abuser who is a master of mind manipulation and emotional blackmail.
I would go no contact, change your number, and get into trauma therapy.
I think this goes beyond dealing with a regular Narcissist Problem. The first time you wrote in I thought you were dealing with an extreme narcissist but this second elaboration of the situation just confirms that this guy is a narcopath!!! I’ve seen my fair share of Narcissist Problems but this guy takes the cake! Also, good for you for digging into the lies by going to the coroner’s office for confirmation. It’s insane that one would even need to do that yet here we are. I can only imagine the coroner’s reaction and I hope they didn’t treat you like you were insane for too long.
As for the police doing anything about the fake death certificate you found out the hard way that going to police with these things is a lost cause. Trust me, I haven’t had to go to the police with a fake death certificate but for other fraud related incidents. I learned that they will turn you away and worst case scenario they will make you feel like a paranoid schizophrenic even if you show them evidence.
When I had my situation and the police were of no help I contacted a criminal defense attorney because I figured if anyone had answers they would. One attorney instructed me to go to the prosecuting attorney’s office with all the documents and see if they will bring a case against the person for forgery (not fraud). I learned that there is a difference between the terms fraud and forgery and you were the victim of a forgery.
For better understanding, fraud is when someone deceives you for monetary gains and forgery is a technique used to commit fraud by creating a document in order to deceive. Since they were demanding power of attorney for property, children, and the forgers “body release” I would say you have a pretty good case and should consider pursuing this further. I know it would be easier to just walk away but the reality of the situation is that the crazy is not going to end unless you disappear.
I’m really glad you got an order of protection against this guy. Keep documenting the crazy because you are going to need everything later. They are really good at recruiting flying monkeys to harass their victims but it seems like this guy is a pro at creating flying monkeys. Honestly, his lack of manipulating people into doing his dirty work but instead creating flying monkeys and harassing you himself scares the hell out of me. I mean its normal for them to create fake profiles to stalk but this guy doesn’t even seem to have anyone in his life that is aware of you yet you have been harassed by his “whole family”. First the mom, now the niece, and who else is really just fake? That’s a whole separate level of hate and I’m starting to wonder if he is actually a psychopath.
I think that your reactions are normal in this situation. These relationships will take a toll on us permanently but you need to know that you were not and are not stupid. The only thing I can suggest is completely cut yourself off. You might even need to move to another state, change your number, change your emails again because this guy will never stop. It’s scary, confusing, and it’s not fair to be forced into such drastic measures but we are talking about your peace.
Evil people don't announce themselves.
They show up as everything you've ever wanted
and then turn into your worst nightmare
Staying where you are, if he knows where you are, will only force you to withdraw more. What you have been through is going to take a very long time to recover from. In fact, it’s probably going to change you forever. Who you were, who you are, and who you are going to be will meet in this moment and how you go on from here is going to define your future. You can let this break you permanently but from the sounds of it you are going to be stronger, wiser, and possibly an advocate for others. There is a quote flying around the internet that is dead on and it goes something like this “There are going to be moments in your life where a clear line is drawn between before this moment and after this moment.” I don’t know who wrote it but it is so true. You got this so just keep going!
Sincerely,
Update: These correspondence took place over a few months with the last message from "emotionally blackmailed" being that The police decided to pursue a case and this person was eventually arressted.
