Betrayal is The New Black

There is betrayal…. And then there is the type of betrayal only a narcissist can inflict

There is no doubt that violence, exploitation, and oppression can have inconceivable traumatic effects on a person. However, traumas that occur in the juxtaposition of interpersonal relationships can be meticulously cataclysmic because this is a form of betrayal that involves a violation of our basic expectations of personal and very intimate relationships. 

What is betrayal?

Betrayal is essentially a limitless thundering grief that touches our souls with dirty hands and there are very few words in the human language that can describe the agony of the experience.  The ways we can be betrayed by a narcissist are limitless and given enough time in your life they will probably end up accomplishing as many forms of betrayal as possible which is why it is important to go NO CONTACT with these individuals. 

One of the key aspects about betrayal in social relationships is that it usually can’t happen with a stranger.  Sure, we can be betrayed by the government or companies we trust but the betrayal that takes place in our interpersonal relationship is a special breed of agony.  We are betrayed by people we know well and love, people we care for the most.   You know…. We are betrayed by our families, our friends, and our significant others.  We are betrayed by people who we consider significant in our lives and then allow ourselves to be vulnerable around and they use that vulnerability to commit acts of emotional treason.  

The reason betrayal is so earth shattering is that is doesn’t happen in a single event.  Betrayal happens in a series of events.  Further, betrayal is persistent AND consistent in that once it starts it does not stop. These events encompass so many transgressions, lies, diversions, and detours that you don’t know where betrayal ends or where it begins.  These are the reasons that betrayal is so traumatizing.  If you didn’t know about these transgressions when they were happening then what else are you unaware of?  How many other people are doing the same thing or worse?  You begin to question absolutely everyone and everything in your life.  Brace yourself, you’re going to be cleaning out your relationship closet because there are people in your life other than the person who betrayed you who were aware of what was going on and possibly actively participated in some way.

There are stages to mentally and emotionally processing betrayal 

The more you value the relationship is going to be equivalent to the damage of that betrayal and the amount of agony you suffer because of that very spiritual violation.  We know betrayal by how it makes us feel which will most likely be a string of emotions over time and all of them are negative.  When we realize or learn the truth of the act that resulted in a breach of trust we are usually shocked, stunned, and in denial.  We try to rationalize the irrational and disassociate ourselves from this gruesome reality. We try to convince ourselves we misunderstood something, we didn’t see what we seen, and there must be a reasonable explanation.

Once the transgression of trust sinks in we start to become anxious, irritable, and angry.  In the initial phase of betrayal these feelings continue to teeter totter with denial as your mind begs you to just believe a lie before going any further down this rabbit hole of pain. Feelings of humiliation and agony commingle like a Zumba class open to the public.  Your insides are going haywire and you are sure everyone can see it because there is no masking the torturous reality that has just been thrust upon you.

The next phase of being betrayed seems to be layers of horrid emotions that you peel away like a fruit roll-up from its plastic sheet only your standing at a stack of them freshly delivered from the warehouse.  Each layer represents a new experience as you emotionally shuffle through feelings of inadequacy, condemnation, torment, rejection, persecution, alienation, isolation, worthlessness, victimized, used, exploited, destroyed, overwhelmed, exhausted, horrified, and then back around to disbelief like an emotional broken record.

Then the grief.  Until we have suffered a major trauma we do not realize that in this life it is possible to grieve a grief other than the one resulting from the death of a loved one.  Grief hits us like a brick wall during this stage of betrayal as we come to the realization that something important has been lost.  

We begin to grieve the loss of the living and all that loss encompasses.  We grieve the loss of what we thought was love.  We grieve the loss of reality and how we thought life would be.  We grieve for the future and we grieve for the past in a bottomless pit of despair and depression mixed with that toxic simmering anxiety.  There are no words for a loss like this one…. Until you are angry again.

What I have found with my own grief is that it really is like an emotional broken record.  The same emotions continue to spin in a circular motion until they have worn themselves out.  However, they never truly go away.  They just keep spinning in an endless loop and the only thing that changes are their intensity in any given moment.   Once the emotional blast of betrayal begins to simmer down then you know you have some real work to do because you have been traumatized.

Healing from trauma

Trauma”

-an injury (such as a wound) to living tissue caused by an extrinsic agent

-a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury

-an emotional upset the personal trauma of an executive who is not living up to his own expectations

-an agent, force, or mechanism that causes trauma traumatic

Trauma is not something that a person just gets over or bounces back from.  Trauma literally changes you and I’m not just talking about the way you think or perceive the world around you.  After grief spins around a couple times you then start to become hypervigilant and paranoid.  These feelings have cousins and they regularly get together for a reunion with intrusive memories, dissociation, and numbness.  You don’t want to leave your house, answer your phone, or check your email.  It’s not safe anymore.  You are not safe.  The level of feeling paranoid, hypervigilance, and unsafe will be directly proportional to how long your betrayal lasted and how it was drug out. 

Narcissists will drag a betrayal out for years.  They can’t just leave you alone and let you heal.  Narcissists need to continue to pick at your wounds because they love the smell of your emotional bleeding.  So how will they drag this out for you? Well it starts when they infiltrate every aspect of your life to let you know they are going to stick around to make you miserable.  They start with your job and personal relationships.  

They want your boss to know you’re mentally unstable, a drug addict, or a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode!  They want to be best friends with your best friends so you can see how happy they are.  This could also be happening while you get unexpected visits from the police and child protective services (if applicable).  Like a said… the level of your perceived danger to safety will be directly proportional to the intensity of your betrayal so brace yourself for the long road ahead.

Trauma is the shock to the psyche that leads to dissociation: our ability to separate ourselves from parts of ourselves, to create a split within ourselves so that we can know and not know what we know, feel and yet not feel our feelings. It is our ability, as Freud put it in Studies on Hysteria, to hold parts of our experience not as a secret from others but as a “foreign body” within ourselves.

-Gilligan, 2002, p. 6

Trauma permanently changes you.  It changes the way you think, feel, perceive the world around you, and it also changes the structure of your brain.  You are CHANGED.  There is no going back to who you were or your happy former life.  Can you be happy again? Yes!  Will you be the same again? No.  The only thing you can do from this point forward in wake up in the morning and figure out how in the hell you’re going to make it into the next day. 

The reality is that when the bonds of our very close relationships are broken by betrayal the result is a condemnation of isolation which is not the same loneliness of simply feeling or being alone.  We become incapable of human connection or the possibility of making human connections.  

You know how you’re going to make it into the next day?  Getting out of bed, getting showered, putting on your clothes, brushing your teeth, and try to focus on taking care of yourself.  You NEED to take care of yourself.  You MUST take care of yourself and this needs to be done today, right now, in this moment.  Get out of the bed you’ve been laying in for the past four days with the same clothes on and take a shower, you stink.  This article will still be here when you get out of the shower and get back into bed.  Once you begin to take this step, you are on your first step down the long road of healing from trauma. 

Regards,

 

Continue Reading below for excerpts from peer reviewed literature on how trauma affects the brain. 

Emotional and Psychological Trauma and your brain:

“human subjects with lesions of the prefrontal cortex show dysfunction of normal emotions and inability to relate in social situations that require correct interpretation of the emotional expressions of others” (p. 1788). This area of the brain is particularly susceptible to stress since it is not fully myelinated until the third decade of life (Teicher et al., 1997). According to Donnelly et al. (1999) exposure to stress is known to enhance dopamine turnover in areas of the brain including the prefrontal cortex (which has a disproportionate number of dopamine receptor sites), which can result in paranoia and hypervigilance. Altered dopaminergic functioning has been found in trauma victims and researchers speculate that common symptoms associated with PTSD may be a manifestation of dysregulation of dopamine function"

"The amygdala mediates fear response and is sensitive to inhibitory inputs from the medial prefrontal dopaminergic system. This section of the brain is very sensitive, even to mild stressors and long-term potentiation of the amygdala may be related to learning abnormalities and the retrieval, storage, and encoding of traumatic memories."

"State-dependent memories may result in trauma-induced neurotransmitters, amygdala activation, and the development of abnormal neural pathways. Traumatic events may result in a diverse range of symptomology including harmful alterations in behaviors, emotions, and neurobiology.

Many studies now show stress produces hippocampal dysfunction, atrophy (smaller volume as seen on QMRI), and deficits in declarative memory function (Bremner, 1998, Bremner et al., 1999; Nutt, 2000) due to the damaging effects of high levels of glucocorticoids on the hippocampus." 

Glucocorticoids disrupt cellular metabolism and increase hippocampal neuronal vulnerability to a variety of agents. The De Bellis et al. (1994) study found a 7% smaller cerebral volume in children suffering from PTSD (Glaser, 2000). Gurvitis et al. (1996) found an average 26% reduction in the left hippocampus and 22% reduction in the right hippocampus in Vietnam veterans with severe PTSD. Additionally, other studies (e.g. Ito et al., 1993, 1998; Teicher et al., 1993) found left frontal and temporal abnormalities on an EEG in addition to limbic system dysfunction in individuals with significant abuse histories.

According to Perry and Pollard (1998), As with central neurobiologic systems, stress, distress, and trauma alter HPA regulation (i.e., a new homeostasis has been induced by the stress). Abnormalities of the HPA axis have been noted in adults with PTSD. Chronic activation of the HPA system in response to stress has negative consequences. The homeostatic state associated with chronic HPA activation wears the body out. Hippocampal damage, impaired glucose utilization, and vulnerability to metabolic insults may result. Preliminary studies in a sample of abused children suggest similar hippocampal and limbic abnormalities. (pp. 41–42)"

"The long-term effects of chronic stress lead to excessive exposure to glucocorticoids. Studies involving rats have indicated neuronal loss in the hippocampal relates to hypersecretion of glucocorticoids. According to Sapolsky (1992), “a major pacemaker of hippocampal neuron loss appears to be the extent of glucocorticoid exposure over the lifetime; excessive glucocorticoids can be neurotoxic to the hippocampus” (p. 113). In as little as 3 weeks, high glucocorticoid exposure will cause degeneration in neural dendrites. Additionally, excessive glucocorticoids can be neurodegenerative and disrupt normal development."

"Recent studies have indicated that “there is growing evidence of hippocampal volume loss associated with chronic PTSD” (Bergherr et al., 1997, p. 39). Since this evidence suggests neuronal loss in the hippocampus is a consequence of acute stress and traumatization, it is imperative that clinicians identify children suffering from long-term traumatization’s as soon as possible. According to a study conducted by Teicher et al. (1993, 1996), increased limbic system dysfunction is associated with abuse occurring before the age of 18"

"The stress-response of the developing brain results in an increase in neurotransmitter and hormone activity, which affects neuronal migration, synaptic proliferation, differentiation, and total brain development. Immediate response to stress includes the release of dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and acetylcholine in the brain. This, in turn, stimulates the hypothalamus, pituitary gland, and adrenal glands, which release cortisol. Increased cortisol levels have been linked to brain alterations including thymus gland shrinkage, cell death, and hippocampal atrophy. Other effects include a reduction in lymphocytes in the blood leading to a weaker immune system (Sapolsky, 1996) and neuronal death (Munck et al., 1984). While acknowledging the damaging effects of high cortisol levels, Yehuda (2000) cautions that cortisol also serves a vital role in terminating the body’s stress-response and is necessary to shutdown reactions that damage the brain. According to Yehuda (1997) “the major function of cortisol is to manage or contain the body’s biological stress-response by stimulating the termination of the neural defense reactions that have been activated by stress” (p. 58). Munck et al. (1984) also asserts that cortisol works in a reparative fashion and actually shuts down other stress-related changes before more damage is caused. Originally, researchers thought the release of cortisol was dependent on the level of stressor experienced. Yet, according to Yehuda (2000), because of an increased number of glucocorticoid receptors on the pituitary, the normal stress response cascade is disrupted. Although ACTH stimulates the adrenal to release cortisol, cortisol acts at the level of the pituitary to shut off ACTH release from the pituitary, and ultimately less cortisol is made and released from the adrenal glands. (p. 267)"

Acute Changes:

 “Recent reports suggest that trauma exposure can trigger rapid brain changes within days of the event [15–21]. From two days to one month after trauma, activation to trauma-related stimuli is greater in PFC and right IC, but less in amygdala and hippocampus of trauma survivors compared to non-trauma exposed controls [17–19]. Traumatic experiences acutely alter functional coupling between amygdala and IC or hippocampus during processing of trauma-related stimuli [17] and between frontal-limbic-striatal and default mode network regions during rest [16, 20]. Some early changes in functional connectivity may persist for two years following trauma [20]. Contributions of these acute post trauma changes to PTSD development have received little attention.  This is one of the few prospective studies to examine early and progressive brain changes that may underlie development of PTSD symptoms following a traumatic event. Our findings of cortical activation and volume differences in probable PTSD and non-PTSD survivors suggest potential cortical functional and structural mechanisms for development of PTSD symptoms. Further longitudinal studies on early brain changes may provide a basis for future interventions to prevent or reduce development of PTSD symptoms after trauma and for biomarker identification to evaluate clinical interventions.” (Wang,  Xie, Cotton, Duval, Tamburrino, Brickman, Elhai, Ho, McLean, Ferguson & Liberzon, I 2016).

Chronic:

(Li, Hou, Wei, Du, Zhang, Liu, & Qiu, 2017).

“we investigated the effects of trauma exposure on the structure and functional connectivity of the brains of trauma-exposed healthy individuals compared with healthy controls matched for age, sex, and education. We then used machine-learning algorithms with the brain structural features to distinguish between the two groups at an individual level. In the trauma-exposed healthy individuals, our results showed greater gray matter density in prefrontal-limbic brain systems, including the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, medial prefrontal cortex, amygdala and hippocampus, than in the controls. Further analysis showed stronger amygdala-hippocampus functional connectivity in the trauma-exposed healthy compared to the controls. Our findings revealed that survival of traumatic experiences, without developing PTSD, was associated with greater gray matter density in the prefrontal-limbic systems related to emotional regulation.”

trauma not only induces an anxious state and emotional arousal but can also impair memory through the amygdala’s interactions with other brain regions [27, 84, 85]. The hippocampus is widely implicated in memory encoding and maintenance, forming and storing memories associated with emotional events [86, 87] and autobiographical memory [88, 89].

Our study revealed that resilient trauma survivors showed greater gray matter density in the prefrontal-limbic systems that were implicated in emotional regulation. The emotional regulation ability plays a critical role in preventing the onset of PTSD in those trauma-exposed nonclinical adults. However, there are two possible explanations for the current findings. One possibility is that these structural differences might be a pre-existing factor and those participants did not develop PTSD due to these biological protective factors. Nevertheless, we cannot rule out the possibility that the structural differences are the brain “scar” after the traumatic event

Previous studies mainly focused on the short-term effect of trauma exposure or patients with PTSD, while our study investigated the long-term effects of trauma exposure in a nonclinical sample. Furthermore, our findings revealed the structural and functional differences in brain regions that are usually implicated in emotional regulation. In conclusion, our study revealed that survival of traumatic experiences, without developing PTSD, was associated with greater gray matter density in the prefrontal-limbic systems related to emotional regulation.” (Li, Hou, Wei, Du, Zhang, Liu, & Qiu, 2017).

(Cook, Ciorciari, Varker, & Devilly, 2009).

“An unbalanced catecholaminergic system can influence the brain’s metabolism, slowing or accelerating rates of pruning and myelination . Several studies have found abnormal catecholamine levels in those who have been witness to trauma . 

“If the brain undergoes a prolonged state of hyperarousal during the maturation of limbic system areas, it can develop inappropriate and maladaptive neural networks that may put traumatized children at increased risk of subsequent mental illness ” (Cook, Ciorciari, Varker, & Devilly, 2009).

“Several studies utilizing Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) in maltreated children have identified structures that appear to be adversely affected by traumatic stress. De Bellis and colleagues have demonstrated in children with maltreatment related PTSD, significantly smaller volumes in the cerebral and prefrontal cortex, temporal lobes, corpus callosum and cerebellum. Specifically, in De Bellis’ 2006 study, cerebellar volumes were positively related to age of onset of trauma; the earlier the age of trauma, the smaller the cerebellar volume of the child. These findings strongly suggest that trauma is related to arrested neural development and growth of brain structures, which in turn could explain the high prevalence of mental illness and cognitive deficits reported in this group.”

“Left hemisphere coherence was found to be significantly greater in the abused group than the controls, and specific asymmetries were identified in areas over the central, temporal and parietal regions of the brain. It was suggested that these asymmetries were due to reduced left hemisphere cortical differentiation of signals, due to ample myelination of neurons and reduced complexity of synaptic specialization. “In conclusion, EEG coherence measures indicated significantly different patterns between those with childhood, adulthood or no past trauma. This adds to the growing body of evidence that trauma can have a lasting impact on neural connectivity – a result which future treatment studies may be able to exploit.” (Cook, Ciorciari, Varker, & Devilly, 2009).

 References 

Cook, F., Ciorciari, J., Varker, T., & Devilly, G. J. (2009). Changes in long term neural connectivity following psychological trauma. Clinical Neurophysiology, 120(2), 309-314. doi:10.1016/j.clinph.2008.11.021

Li, Y., Hou, X., Wei, D., Du, X., Zhang, Q., Liu, G., & Qiu, J. (2017). Long-Term Effects of Acute Stress on the Prefrontal-Limbic System in the Healthy Adult. Plos ONE, 12(1), 1-16. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0168315

Wang, X., Xie, H., Cotton, A. S., Duval, E. R., Tamburrino, M. B., Brickman, K. R., & ... Liberzon, I. (2016). Preliminary Study of Acute Changes in Emotion Processing in Trauma Survivors with PTSD Symptoms. Plos ONE, 11(7), 1-15. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0159065

Hippocampal volume deficits associated with exposure to psychological trauma and posttraumatic stress disorder in adults: a meta-analysis

Woon, Fu Lye; Sood, Shabnam; Hedges, Dawson W. Progress in Neuro-Psychopharmacology and Biological Psychiatry Vol. 34, Iss. 7, (1 October 2010): 1181-1188.

Pretrauma and Posttrauma Neurocognitive Functioning and PTSD Symptoms in a Community Sample of Young Adults

Parslow, Ruth A; Jorm, Anthony F. The American Journal of Psychiatry; Washington Vol. 164, Iss. 3, (Mar 2007): 509-15.

Weber, D. A., & Reynolds, C. R. (2004). Clinical perspectives on neurobiological effects of psychological trauma. Neuropsychology Review, 14(2), 115-129. doi:10.1023/B: NERV.0000028082.13778.14

Soul Murder Via Spiritual Cannibalism: A Slow Death by The Machiavellian Exploitation of One’s Mind

Soul Murder Via Spiritual Cannibalism

A Slow Death by The Machiavellian Exploitation of One’s Mind

When we hear the terms murder or manslaughter we usually only think of the physical death of the body via the negligent or willful actions of another. It is something typically done with intention resulting from hate, anger, or a rage that you can feel, see, and touch. You can point a finger to a cause of death and find the weapon and eventually the killer. You can hold someone accountable for murder and manslaughter. Many rarely think of attempted murder as the repeated and intentional cruelty inflicted upon another in the form of berating, ostracizing, damaging the good character of, or tainting the victim in a negative light to all who will encounter them.

There is another form of death perpetrated by narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths that is spiritually cannibalistic in nature and an encounter with one of these individuals results in a long drawn out affair of soul annihilation. There is nothing quick or painless about it.  This experience leaves many pleading for a physical death as they reach into their very core in search of one last shard of hope in a bottomless pit of despair.

Soul Murder is The Direct Result of Spiritual Cannibalism

Soul cannibalism results in soul murder and is a highly calculated, concealed, and methodical form of attempted murder where the essence of the victim’s being is literally devoured by the abuser as if the victim’s soul sustains their life force.  They will continue to feed until there is nothing left but an empty shell of a former human being. The term “soul murder” was first coined by 19th century playwright Henrik Ibsen who defined it as, “the destruction of the love of life in another human being.”  Soul murder was then brought into modern psychiatric dialog in 1991 by psychoanalyst Leonard Shengold in two books on the topic as primarily applied to childhood neglect and deprivation. Therein “soul murder” was given a name and legitimacy.

Soul Murder is nothing short of when the soul is shattered and maimed as a result of prolonged exposure to coercive control and covert abuse.  One’s identity, essence, and contentment with life are indisputably eradicated from existence. This process often takes years or even decades before the actual death of the physical body.  It is not quick with a few moments of bloodshed as seen with a legally chargeable offense.  The end result is a victim left with no choice but to put an end to the misery once and for all.

Shengold articulately wrote that Soul Murder is to deprive an individual “of his or her own identity and ability to experience joy in life.” He described the phenomenon as resulting from tactics such as arbitrary edicts and a chronic lack of empathy which cause a victim’s vitality, confidence and joy to slowly erode, until the victim’s soul is completely gone.
As many survivors of psychological and emotional abuse can attest leaving this hell on earth usually only becomes possible once we can name and validate our experiences.  Until reaching the point of comprehension in that we are experiencing psychological or emotional abuse we are standing there scratching our heads while attending therapy once a week trying to pinpoint what is wrong with us and how to fix it.

Soul Cannibals are Difficult to Pinpoint

Soul Cannibals are found in every walk of life from your church pews to the seediest of dive bars.  There isn’t a stereotypical look of these toxic executioners, but you can almost bet these predators are well liked and stellar members of society.  Either that or they can take on the role of perpetual victim and need your help as a great problem solver which makes them even more difficult to spot. 

Moreover, they will use numerous strategies to bait their victims in which makes it very difficult to spot outright. It can even be very difficult for someone who is aware of soul cannibalism to spot one of these predators.  In turn, those who are not familiar with or previously exposed to this type of attempted murder are unable to comprehend it. The inability for many to name and pinpoint soul cannibalism and soul murder results in victims who are not being believed, dragging them further down the spiral of invalidation, delegitimization, self-doubt and erosion of being. 

Those who commit soul murder can take on many roles and come from even the most sacred relationships.  The soul cannibal could be a relative, friend, spouse, or neighbor.  In other words, they could be anyone, they are everywhere, and it is almost impossible to know who they are until you have already been reeled in for their abuse.  However, their behaviors will almost always give them away.  These perpetrators all use the same weapons so trust your gut and if something tells you things are not right then look for the following behaviors. 

Soul murder Weapons: Gas Lighting, Character Assassination, Crazy-Making

Narcissistic, psychopathic, and sociopathic abuse takes place when one of these personality disordered individuals attempt to convince their victim, slowly over months or years, that they are “crazy”.  At the same time, they will campaign against their victims by informing the rest of the world all the things wrong and all the wrong doing done to them by the actual victim. 

They paint themselves in a great light and as the protector and savior to the real victim.  They are only trying to help.  They have no idea why the victim is so angry.  The victim must have a chemical imbalance. They are so concerned for the victim and they need your help to help them! They make an unwarranted effort to earn the love of the victim’s family and friends.  This effort will pay off years down the road when all have been triangulated against each other forcing the victim into further isolation and depression. 

These predators employ an arsenal of methods such as character assassination and gaslighting. The Gaslighting will be used in order to get their victim(s) to doubt their own sanity and wonder if they are the one at fault, the “crazy one”.  After instance of gaslighting will also be used to assassinate the character of the victim to others as they are told that you are “irrational” “illogical” or “psychotic” because of XYZ (insert your reaction to manipulated situation created by the soul cannibal exclusively to piss you off).

Survivors of attempted soul murder and those around them have their perception of reality intentionally skewed.  The victim’s flaws are exaggerated and expanded upon and then used to convince others of their “pathologies”.  Little quirks will be blown into the victim having a full-fledged disorder according to their abuser. The finger is chronically pointed at the victim who typically will spend numerous hours trying to find out exactly what is wrong with them rather than question the accusations being made in the first place. 

How Soul Cannibals Accomplish Soul Murder

For example, spending money on an expensive item, or even on basic needs, will be turned into the victim being bi-polar and spending out of control which results in all financial assets being turned over to the coercive control of their “caretaker”. The victim may even end up agreeing with any unqualified diagnosis their perpetrator throws at them based upon the exaggerations made by their murderous tormentor.  These unqualified diagnoses are further solidified as fact when the perpetrator begins getting involved in the victim’s medical care.  

Initially the victim trusts their abuser and usually will not question the abuser when they want to speak with medical staff alone.  This opportunity is used to alert all doctors and psychologists that the victim is a pathological liar and then lists all the criteria for whatever diagnosis they have labeled their victim with. With their flaws magnified the victim inadvertently agrees with statements made to medical staff pertaining to their own behavior.  “Why yes I did spend a lot of money last week” not aware that the abuser has told the staff that the victim drained their bank account. These little instances will add up to a proper diagnosis that will help the perpetrator get away with financial exploitation, among other abuses.

Situations are literally manufactured, and the truth becomes so obscured that the victim of this psychological warfare begins to doubt themselves. This can be done by omitting important details of a situation or by outright lying that key events never took place.  When confronted with the truth the abuser will have such a convincing reaction and be so emphatic with their response that you begin to doubt your own perception of that key event. The soul cannibal will come up with some extremely convincing lies baked in a half- truth pie. They will also do and say things to deliberately upset their victims. When the victim asserts themselves and demands truth, they are then put down, mocked, or shamed for overreacting or misunderstanding the intentions of their soul murderer. 

The erosion of self is escalated when the predator makes light of and invalidates anything the victim is feeling. In normal human relationships there is usually a mutual give and take of sharing our perceptions and feelings when we feel hurt.  This is the opportunity an empathy less predator takes to invalidate the victim’s feelings and opinions.  They take this a step further by berating the victim’s choices and calling them illogical or irrational. 
These predators will literally put down and then laugh at their victims when they react to the abuse and then slowly get others to join in on their abuse.  

When the victim brings up valid points or begins to question their tormentor they will be told that they simply have a very large imagination. Those who experience this type of invalidation have their reality so distorted that they end up apologizing for mistakes and transgressions the abuser made.  The focus turns to the victims out of control reaction or illogical thoughts rather than on the actual behavior or series of manufactured events that created the reaction in the first place.

If the victim decides to leave the relationship and sever ties with their abuser, then this predator puts every stop in the road that they can possibly dream up. The abuse turns from covert to very overt.  The victim is no longer questioning the abuse because they are able to name the relationship dynamics as abusive. The gig is up, and you are on to them and they know it.  With this one truth the soul cannibal becomes hell bent on destroying their victim.

At this point the soul assassin begin to harass them, relentlessly spy on them, follow them, call their job to get them fired, call social services to report them as bad parents, and call their family and friends to let them know the victim has gone psychotic and they need help.  These killers systematically dismantle all that their victims know and love.  They destroy any relationship the victim has with people who would normally help them.
Isolation and a skewed self- perception is the reality for many victims of psychological and emotional abuse. 

Yes, there is another form of murder that a human may experience which is not physical at first but often results in suicide if the victim remains in the relationship. Victims of these soul predators are indisputably turned into the walking dead as they are lost drudging through their daily life unaware of the covert tactics being inflicted upon them.  There is a fog a victim ends up walking through during their daily life that leaves the abuse just outside of conscious awareness.  Those who experience this abuse are so tormented they sometimes wish, hope, and pray for the official follow through of being murdered because a physical death appears to be the only way to put an end to the suffering. 

Most people don’t get it, they don’t understand that what we have gone through was unmistakably attempted murder.  It is an attempt at murder that unfortunately one will not fully understand until they have experienced it. We don’t have broken bones or bleeding wounds to alert others that we are dying and in desperate need of help.  We only have our bleeding hearts and shattered souls. We have a death rattle in our breathing, but it can’t be heard.  There is no way to ask someone to throw out a life raft in this ocean of sorrow so that we may be pulled to safety because there is no apparent danger of drowning. We are drowning from the inside out and may not even realize we need to be saved until it is too late. 

How Soul Cannibals Get Away with Murder, Time and Time Again

Well, narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths are masters at manipulating people.  Not only do they spend exorbitant amounts of time manipulating their victims they are also manipulating everyone else who comes into contact with the victim.  They are universally known by survivors of this type of abuse to be great at painting the victims as unstable and irrational which results in their being ostracized and isolated from family, friends and supports.  Soul cannibals expertly hide their abusive and coercive behavior by concealing it in false concern.

The soul cannibal is a chameleon and smooth talker. Everything is done behind a veil and always behind the scenes. The abuse is carefully orchestrated in order to make the predator look good and the victim look bad, REALLY bad. To those watching from the outside nothing will seem amiss most of the time except the problems and issues the victim is having.  This happens because manipulative and coercive tactics take place secretly, outside of people's awareness, and any “issues” are easily explained away by the abuser.

Couple this secrecy with years of manipulation of people and environment and it becomes impossible for professionals who enter the scene late in the stage to see that the victim does not have a chemical imbalance in need of regulating or a mood disorder. They have years of hospital records pointing to the victim as having problems. This is solidified by the fact that most victims are by then brainwashed to never tell anyone what is going on inside of the relationship with their abuser. The victim has been properly groomed to protect their tormentor. When these victims finally reach the end of their rope and commit suicide all factors point toward chronic depression, mood disorders, chemical imbalances and not abuse.

The End Result: Soul Murder or Soul Rape

The victim is eventually forced into an existential house of mirrors of not knowing what their reality is because their abuser has altered and put a spin on even the smallest of perceptions. When leaving a relationship like this it doesn’t matter if the soul murderer was a friend, spouse, or close relative the result is the same.  The victim feels tainted and dirty and unable to wash away the “sin”.  When victims get out alive they have been soul raped. Those who are not so lucky are soul murdered via suicide.

Repeatedly, the victim is forced to question what the abuser says to them, about them, and to others. They are left in the pure filth and taint of being labeled as and treated by others as a pathological liar, a thief, or worse the abuser of their abuser!  The psychological manipulation is done largely outside of conscious awareness. These survivors are eventually conditioned to think of themselves as crazy, evil, “damaged goods,” etc.  - just what the soul cannibal wants them to believe.

The Soul Murderer, when carrying out these covert campaigns, goes faceless and undercover to everyone outside of the relationship so no one will ever know about their abuse and no one will be held accountable. The longer time goes by and the more the victim tries to defend themselves against the onslaught of coercive tactics, the more severe the abuse inevitably becomes. The narcissist, psychopath, or sociopath has ahead of time arranged a cavalcade of unwitting “flying monkeys” - other people who believe the abuser’s stories who help to drive the victim to madness. The flying monkeys may even be abusers themselves, so they enjoy the thrill of the hunt along with their predator friend.

To sooth their own relentless existential torment, in a life that has become devoid of joy and meaning, the victim may turn to drugs or alcohol as a means of escape which enforces the abuser’s accusations that the victim is out of control. They generally develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and/or complex traumatic stress disorder as a result of not being able to release their tension, anxiety, and emotional suffering for years as they endured their own attempted murder. The course of events is inevitable should the victim not receive help. The abuser will never quit abusing and the victim will be eradicated to the core resulting in their devaluation, dehumanization, and suicide.

Soul Death Can Take Years, Even Decades

The process of soul murder can occur over the course of years and decades - even thirty years or more. And the victim knows all too well that even if they did escape the situation the abuser would follow and torment them for the rest of their life.  Ruining all future relationships and jobs, thus decimating their future life. The soul cannibal has become, in essence, omnipotent.

The victim will be made to feel like they are literally worthless.  They are nothing in this world left to stew in an irrefutable existential torment. A victim will eventually feel no meaning in life, have nowhere to go and that nobody wants them -  except for the narcissistic, psychopathic, or sociopathic abuser. The process is complete. They are literally a hostage to the parasitic soul murderer. Their joy for life has departed leaving the victim too weak to even claw their way out of the depths of hell.  The journey seems impossible.

From Death of Soul to Death of Body

Soul murder victims all too often carry the secret of the abuse to their graves, unable to articulate or receive legal or psychological validation they sadly frequently take their own lives by suicide. Some victims may not even want to kill themselves intentionally but rather desperately seek to escape through drugs/alcohol and end in accidental death.

Others may not turn to substance abuse at all, but may end up suffering chronic medical issues from the relentless stress, which will lead to their physical death.  Stress is a proven cause of a myriad of health problems, such as stroke and heart attack, many of which can be fatal even if one happens to escape their abuser.  

The end result is either death by suicide or death by stress. This type of abuse is the gift from hell that keeps on giving because even in the best of situations the victim will be riddled with permanent health issues created by the stress.

Speaking About the Unspeakable

Suicide is such a taboo topic especially speaking about it after the deed has been done.  It is almost sacrilegious to point a finger at another human being after the suicide of a loved one and say, “this happened because of you!” and then hold that person accountable for their actions that ultimately pushed another person off of a cliff.

We think to ourselves “what if I’m wrong about this?”  “What if they were just clinically depressed or had a chemical imbalance?”.  We bite our tongues because we know the guilt we might induce in the person we are pointing our own fingers at.  We wouldn’t wish that guilt on anyone. This is a normal empathetic reaction that stops us from pursuing the issue any further. 

We are unable to wrap our minds around the fact that these predators do not share in our empathy and compassion. They enjoyed what they did. The worst part of all?  They will NEVER feel guilty or any remorse for murdering someone but rather proud of themselves for being so crafty and skillful as to manipulate a person into their own grave.

In life and in death there is little justice or accountability to be had for these spiritual cannibals. The sick part is that as a society we watch this form of murder happen and many times turn a blind eye to it. When our souls are murdered the very core of our being is chiseled away into almost nothing and we are left there not even realizing that we don’t have depression due to some act of nature but rather an ongoing psychological warfare inflicted by another human being.  We are told to “grow some balls” or “put on our big girl panties” instead.

Becoming the Voice You Needed to Hear

It has been over 5 years since going no contact with my own soul assassin. As many of you know I have been helping a friend leave one of the most malignant of narcissistic species I have seen to date. A conversation we had the other night prompted the writing of this article. I’d like for all of us to be able to identify and name soul cannibalism for what it is, and I ask all of you to continue talking about your experiences because the laws do need to change.  

We need to share our stories.  These criminals need to be held accountable for their verbal actions and manipulations that lead so many victims of psychological and emotional abuse into committing suicide simply to escape their grotesque reality. When I hear someone tell a victim “why don’t you just leave” I am filled with a burning rage because I know first-hand that “just leaving” is usually not an option.  One must literally “just disappear”.  It has nothing to do with willpower, being a strong or weak person, or any other life skills that society would deem acceptable. These people are predators and like all known predators to man they will continue to stalk and hunt their prey.

As I spoke with my friend she was saying thank you for helping her get free of this person who had spent the last 7 years slowly erasing her.  I thought for a moment at everything that has taken place over the past several months and my own actions actually made me question my own sanity a bit. I must be insane, but I know that a certain amount of insanity is going to be needed to slay this beast.  I went all in on this one. It’s been an outright spiritual battle for all involved on our end.

I’ve been aware of my friend’s situation for a few years and always offered the same advice “get out while you still can!”.  She called me one day completely broken down, alone, scared but determined after months of not hearing from her, and she said, “I have to get away, things are really bad, and I need help”. These were words I have been waiting to hear from her since I first learned of her situation.

The day she left, and I was on the way to pick her up (she was not “allowed” to drive and all her ID’s, license, passport, and bank cards were being held hostage) she started to send messages that the narcissist was trying to have her committed to the psych ward with the help of their “marriage therapist” who happens to live across the street and allows him to torment her from her home now. By the time I reached our meeting point she was being hauled away by ambulance and a police escort for an involuntary psychiatric evaluation because the narcissist said she was “off her meds and psychotic” after she told him she wanted a divorce.  

I rushed to the hospital and have been doing my own special advocate bat shit crazy on this case ever since. My own traumas flaring up as a result of such a similar situation. When she said thank you I realized all that those words meant because once you are in the depths of narcissistic hell the way out usually involves one of two options: disappear or just check out of life. Helping her can only be described as being the equivalent of giving spiritual CPR. There is no other option once you see and can label attempted soul murder.  You have no choice as a survivor but to go all in because we know first hand that nobody else will and that inaction from all involved could end up killing somebody.

I thought about the forums, groups and pages started by survivors geared toward narcissistic abuse awareness and in that moment, I was so proud of this entire community of healing warriors of narcissistic abuse.  I explained to my friend the nature of a narcissistic abuse survivor which is to advocate and fight for other survivors usually without question. I also explained that one day when this is over she will most likely be unable to stop herself from doing the same thing as many of us.

We hear the truth in a stranger’s story and almost in self-preservation we come to their aid because we know what it was like to be standing in their shoes alone. Once you become involved with other survivors you immediately identify with them. It seems to be a part of our own healing process to help other survivors see their way out.  Even more to the spirit of a survivor is our willingness to go above and beyond for justice in the defense of another survivor which is what makes this community so beautiful in the first place. The only way to go from victim to survivor of this form of abuse is to completely and utterly cut all contact with these predators and anyone associated with them.  This can be especially painful when they are blood family, but it is possible. 

From one survivor to another, it is an extremely long road to recovery, but you are no longer alone. We are waiting over here on the other side of that nightmare for you to join us on the road to healing and awareness. More specifically, we need you to help us create change within our legal system for all of the victims who have lost their lives to this silent abuse. We need you here to share your story.  So, if you are feeling, in this moment, that suicide is your only option just know that on the other side of that pain there is hope and there is purpose you just need to make it there and you CAN make it there.

Regards,

Narcissist Problems

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The Little Black Book of Bat Shit Crazy!

This book is filled with Narcissistic predicaments every survivor finds themselves in. This forecast of narcissistic moods and behaviors should be read by anyone who is dating, getting married, getting divorced, wondering why your family hates you, questioning your sanity, or if you are just human and leave your house with the possibility of interacting with other humans. If you have listened to others who have experienced life with a narcissist then you know it's as if every narcissist was handed a playbook that guides them on how to abuse their victims to inflict the maximum amount of damage. If there ever was a Narc Manual then this is it. The knowledge within these pages will help you spot narcissistic behavior in order to avoid forming relationships with toxic people while simultaneously being your "ah ha" moment if you happen to already be in one of these high conflict nightmares. The information provided here is for both men and women and is not intended to be used as a tool for learning how to manipulate a narcissist. This is for your own knowledge to protect yourself from emotional and psychological abuse. I’m sharing this with the hopes that when and/or if you spot this behavior you can steer clear of these train wrecks.

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