Showing posts with label stalking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stalking. Show all posts

March 16, 2018

Dear Narcissist Problems "Postal Stalker"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

Dear Narcissist Problems,

I’m almost freaked out even writing you because of the narcissism but I need some quick advice. My ex husband is a diagnosed as a narcissist and has put me and my child through hell to make me pay for leaving him. I could show you so many games he plays- the most recent was him sending his monthly post card to my child (he never calls) and he wrote her name on the postcard with his address then crossing it out with two lines and put my address. This was, as you know, a mind game to make her think the judge is removing her from her life, Mom, and sister and making her move to another state with him who she has no contact with.

What is the post card mind game? He sends one a month, usually 2-4 days before his child support comes. Does he just know it has me living in fear of what’s next? Can I make him stop? We go to court soon for custody ruling and when the judge finds out that he has zero contact except for this monthly post card and that he illegally moved our marital property out of state and sold it.... I’m scared of what he’ll do next. My attorney has played so many games with him and he’s walked into every one. So, can you tell me what the post card game is?

Btw.. I started reading one of your books and it put me into a panic because it’s so exhausting and draining. I’m so tired of the games. He now has a new girlfriend who I know is just a game for him but whatever. Ugh I just know you’re probably the best person to ask about the postcard thing.

(Response from Narcissist Problems: If you moved and left a forwarding address it would send the card back to him with your new address. Do you want me to post anonymously? Phone is dying. I'll write more when I get to my house).

We live in a military base and can’t move at the moment. Legally I have to give him the address where our child is. At least for now. Yea.. can you list it anonymously? I had a mother just like him and then I married that idiot now I’ve had to fight the fight of my life for custody so he can’t destroy my daughter. Because destroying her destroys me. So far he hasn’t won anything and everything has backfired on him because my attorney is very experienced in narcissism and has cornered him- which scares me because I don’t know what he’ll do after court when he realizes he’s done. So I’ve put things in place legally in case he does anything to me. Then again, I don’t think he’ll ruin his military career because that’s all he has to make people respect him.


“Military Mind Games”

Dear “Military Mind Games”,

Your message has been weighing on my mind and I needed to give this some thought before posting this. This is exactly what narcissists do to their victims! They make us scared when we leave to the point that we second guess ourselves and their motives. Make no mistake about this; while your narcissist LOVES the mind games their ultimate goal is power and control over you. These people do not think like normal people do. You are in a legal battle and unfortunatley the rules rarely apply to them because they are rarely punished for what they put us through even if it is illegal. There will always be a believable excuse! He sold your property? Do you know what he plans on telling the judge? “Your Honor, I had to sell the property to get away from her because she was making my life a living hell”. The fact of the matter is that he has probably made more than a few police reports where the police found no evidence of you doing anything wrong BUT now those reports are on file with the police department for him to show a judge. I would get a FOIA request form and send it to gather the police records where the two of you lived and to the city where he moved for whatever time periods are relevant for each location.

Ok so these post cards….

Narcissists know exactly what they are doing and just because you are following the rules doesn’t mean they will. He expects you to take your children and run. Hell, any sane person would contemplate a life on the run just to stop our children from being abused. This is what the narcissist would do… so the narcissist also expects that this is what you will do! However, the narcissist is acting out of a place of spite and revenge and not out of protecting their child. As you said you are sick of the games and this is exactly what the post card is. The narcissist is always thinking ahead. They strategize their game plan based on all the possibilities of things that YOU might do in reaction to their abuse….. Moving and disappearing is on that list for your narcissist. When you say you “can’t” move what I hear is “I can’t move yet because I’m financially drained but once I’m stable I’m out!” I don’t think there is a law requiring you to live on that military base (where he most definately has flying monkeys so if you have a friend on that base stop sharing personal information with them especially about your divorce and your future plans!). Also, never underestimate a pissed off narcissist! “I don’t think he’ll ruin his military career because that’s all he has to make people respect him.” (You, 2018). Think again, he will try to get away with what he needs to get away with but sometimes a narcissist will be so pissed off that even if they get caught they will consider it worth it. Don’t give this narcissist the opportunity for revenge.

This monthly post card is in anticipation of your move. It’s a slow conditioning so that when you DO disappear, if that card is not already marked “Service address requested” then it will be once this case is over and you will never notice because your so used to getting the card already!

Get a P.O. box and NEVER use your address for anything! Even utilities use a p.o. Box and regularly google yourself to see if you pop up on those websites like Spokeo or people search and then request that they remove that information immediatley.

The post card is more than just a mind game for the two of you…. It’s a method of stalking in the event that you move without leaving him your address. The United States Postal Service call this an ancillary service endorsement.

Depending on the purpose of your mailing, you may want those pieces forwarded to customers who have moved, or you may want a corrected address returned to you. Ancillary service endorsements include five basic phrases that are printed on the address side of your mail piece:

  • Address Service Requested 
  • Return Service Requested 
  • Change Service Requested 
  • Forwarding Service Requested 
  • Electronic Service Requested 

Undeliverable mail is handled differently depending on the class of mail, the endorsement you use, and how recently your customer has moved. Some of these actions have fees associated with them and may cost you money. (USPS, 2018).

For Address Service Requested, Return Service Requested, or Forwarding Service Requested by sender then this is what the time frame looks like after you have changed your address in most cases:

Months 1 through 12: mailpiece forwarded; notice of new address provided, address correction fee charged.

Months 13 through 18: mailpiece returned with new address attached

After 18 months or if undeliverable at any time: mailpiece returned with reason for non delivery attached.

Return Service Requested: No forwarding, only return. New address notification provided.

IF there is NO ENDORSEMENT placed on the postcard/letter by the sender then the mail will be handled by class and then “Same treatment as “Forwarding Service Requested.” USPS Retail Ground, Media Mail and Library Mail forwarded as postage due to the addressee. If refused or being returned, mailer pays postage at the appropriate single-piece price 3 (507.1.5.4).”

What you are experiencing is more than just a mind game…. It is stalking. Your narcissist is stalking you months before you even know that you are going to need help. When this is over and you need to disappear and he later finds you….. This is how it happened. Take precautions to protect yourself because I find this very disturbing. The fact that he is already hunting you down before you “need” to be says A LOT….. regardless of military career.


August 2, 2015

Dear Narcissist Problems "Flew the Coup"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

I need some advice.  I am in the middle of a divorce with my abuser and he has essentially "romanced" everyone I know into thinking that I am the wrong doer. He is so suave in that way that he has convinced my attorney that I have done wrong. I'm not sure what do or if there is some way that I could point my attorney to the "idea" of my abusers narcissistic ways without coming across as slandering him.  He has convinced everyone including my attorney, (somehow) that I had an affair and that I left for no reason. Everyone thinks our life was "perfect" and because I'm on disability for several mood disorders, he has my attorney convinced that I am out of my mind. He continues to track my cell phone (though my carrier is not sure how he keeps doing it).  He used me as a tool to abuse my son who is now almost 20. And though my son hated him over the last 12 years he has now turned his back on me and sides with my husband who is not his biological father.  I always tried to defend my son and stick up for him. But my husband would wear me down with constant arguments telling me how bad of a mother I was and if I didn't listen my son would turn out to be a "hood rat" as he called it.  He used to be a deputy in a neighboring county and I found out recently that he was fired because he lied on his application.  I tried to hide in another state and had all of my records redacted so that he would not know my location. But he told my attorney exactly where I live. That's how I found out he has been tracking my phone.  I guess my attorney now assumes that I'm loopy and told him where I was going. We were together for 12 years and I was placed on disability 10 years ago. Update: I've reached out to my attorney and had a little heart to heart with him. I guess I just jumped the gun on his responses to me. He was very understanding and said that his suggestion to settle for less was an effort to keep me from having to endure anymore emotional trauma. He had seen how drastic my demeanor/behavior changed when being faced with my ex-husband (soon to be ex-husband). He knew I had been through some bad things with my ex.


“Flew the Coup”

Dear “Flew the Coup”,

     I’m glad to hear everything turned out well with your attorney but have you considered possibly getting a consult with a few other attorneys to see what they say?  It is a conflict of interest if your soon to be Ex is having conversations about you with your attorney.  I’m glad to hear that things are coming to a close for you. As for your son, there is not much you can do about the situation because he is an adult so all you can do is respect his decision.  I wouldn’t even bring it up in conversation because that will make you look like the bad guy.  Try your best to leave him out of it.  Narcissists are masters of manipulation and I wouldn’t doubt if he was buying your sons support or simply making up lies and passing them off as truth.  I found that when you are in the midst of a smear campaign there is little you can do to protect yourself from the gossip because people rarely ask for your version.  Keep documenting the crazy and file police reports if need be.  I would contact your local court house and see a victims advocate about the E-stalking.  In my own experience, the police won’t do much unless you have been harmed even if you have a P.O. against the nut case.  The good news is that laws are beginning to change and this type of harassment is starting to become more recognized.  You just might get lucky and find someone who is willing to step up to the plate and help you protect yourself against electronic stalking.  The first steps I would take is throwing that cell phone in the garbage and getting a prepaid with no paper trail back to you.  Get a P.O. Box and just wait it out.  I would love to help more with the electronic stalking but I’m finding myself in the same situation where nobody will help unless they show up on my doorstep.  It’s amazing to me because we get stalking orders so that our stalkers stop following us and tormenting us but we find little protection when they find our locations electronically and just have to wait in fear until they show up.  If any of the readers does have a stalking order and police took electronic violations seriously please message the page and let us know what happened!  Good Luck to you!


Narcissist Problems