August 17, 2016

Dear Narcissist Problems, "Pain Management caused by stress"

This isn't the normal ask and tell advice article and I know this is going to sound like a paid ad but I really had to share this with you guys because I can't even believe it!  Also, if any of you knew about this Fire Cupping Massage technique before today then why didn't you tell me!

I've had neck pain for at least 5 years due to accidents and general stress.  I started hearing about some Fire Cupping technique used by Michael Phelps the Olympic swimmer so it got me thinking maybe I should try this...... I searched around for, and actually drove over an hour to get to, this amazing place in this little city in North West Indiana called "Home Sweet Om".  SO GLAD I DID THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had the Fire Cupping "OLYMPIC special" today and my constant pain in the neck is gone (for now)! I've been to numerous doctors and tried EVERY technique available to get rid of these giant knots in my shoulders and neck. I went into this with skepticism and for the first time in 5 years I'm knot free and more importantly pain free! If you are in Chicago, southwest Michigan, or northern Indiana I HIGHLY suggest setting up an appointment at this place! I know if you suffer from chronic back pain you won't believe this just like I didn't but all this talk about Michael Phelps using this method got me searching for a place to get it done. This place is VERY clean with an open layout and calming/private rooms. I always avoid massage places because they make me feel uncomfortable having some stranger seeing me at my most vulnerable. I felt welcomed from the time I stepped through the door until the time I left. Very friendly staff yet not overbearing. Do yourself a favor and make an appointment today. I can't even tell you how many people come to this blog complaining of physical pain most likely caused by mental and emotional abuse and extreme amounts of stress.  We get migraines, back aches, and chronic tension.  If you want some relief or If you know someone who is always complaining of back pain or migraines get them in here!  Trust me, take a plan if you need to because it was that worth it!  Ask for the fire cupping "Olympic Special" and after your appointment no need to send me a thank you card. "You're welcome"!
Home Sweet Om
824 Lincolnway, La Porte, IN 46350-3411
tel:(219) 380-5046
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August 11, 2016

Dear Narcissist Problems, "Problem Child"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

Hello! So I have a bit of a problem that I’d like some input or advice on. I have a small family, my mom and dad and sister and I, my mom and sister are literally the same person, as is my dad and I. So with that being said this causes a lot of tension in the house, even more so now that my older sister is getting married and moving in the next few months. My mom and sister are always together so I feel like my mom is trying to cling to our relationship, which is strained since I’m introverted and very much the opposite of her. She tries to pick little fights with me over stupid things like laundry or dishes. I just lost my job so I’m stuck being the house maid. I normally bite my tongue to keep the peace but lately I can’t take it. We had many bad arguments that escalated to yelling and screaming since she brings up my past of many struggles. So basically I don’t know what to do any more I’m hurt that she does these things and I just don’t understand any of it.



“Problem Child”





Dear “Problem Child”,


            I actually started this page because of my relationship with my own narcissistic mother.  While there aren’t enough details to be sure if your mother is a narcissist I will let you know how I handled the situation until I was able to move out.  Starting at a young age I was the family care taker which then turned into family bill payer.  I was the adult.  Around the age of 15 I decided that I would no longer argue.  The arguments were very unproductive and the results never changed my disposition.  I was still the family Cinderella.  I decided that I would do everything in my power that on the day I turned 18 I would be able to move out and away from all the problems.  From what you wrote I am unsure of your age as I myself started working at the age of 14 so you could either be an adult already or still legally trapped.  It seems like it’s a very large possibility that your mother might enjoy creating a distance between family members and sibling rivalries.  Without more information I don’t want to carelessly throw around advice on what to do about your mother but I will offer advice on what to do with you.  From what you wrote your sister is your mothers favorite and you can do no right.  This is a classic pattern of behavior among children of narcissists.  Each of us are given roles and then expected to fulfil those roles.  Whatever the case may be just get proactive!  Every jab at your character or personality, every comment about your “flaws”, and every chore added to your to-do list be sure that you are also taking time to add your own items on this same to do list.  Do not neglect yourself or your future!  You need to build a resume and job hunt, save money, and get your own place.  Focus on what you want out of your life and make a plan to accomplish those goals.  Narcissistic mothers have a way of tearing us down to the point that we believe we deserve to be treated poorly by everyone including ourselves.  They also have a special way of letting us know we are losers who are unable to accomplish anything without their help and guidance.  You need to set some goals and a time frame because the situation between you is unlikely to change if your mother is a true narcissist.  In the mean time you can find support by reaching out to private groups of others who lived with narcissistic parents.  These groups have been a saving grace for me as it is one of the only places I have been where people get where I’ve been and what I’ve been through.  The members of these groups are amazing because they have been there and will give you support and honest guidance if you need it.  In the meantime, bust out those classified ads and start pounding the pavement!  Don’t let your current situation control the outcome of the rest of your life.  If anything snag that job and start looking for a roommate.  Living situations in our 20’s aren’t always ideal but keep building up to the situation you deserve which is peace and privacy.  After you get out of the situation of living with your mother do a lot of reflection on everything that’s happened between you.  After leaving have a talk with her and let her know how you feel.  If your mother is a narcissist and you have this talk before moving things might escalate to an astronomical proportion so please wait.  If things don’t change after this talk and the hurtful behavior continues try limiting your contact and get into therapy.  Good Luck to you!



Narcissist Problems




August 7, 2016

Dear Narcissist Problems, “Lost in South Africa”

Dear Narcissist Problems,

I need your advice because I am desperate. I met my pervert narcissist on Facebook when I was in the UK and then I moved to South Africa (he is Congolese but lived in Cape Town). We had a long distance relationship for 4 months and I felt that he was my soul mate (he used to say that as well). He threatened me twice to break up with me but I was stupid and I went to Cape Town. We stayed together for 1 year and now since January 2015 we are in UK.
Everything was fast. We got married 1 year after we met and it was a nightmare: threats, lies, manipulation, silence treatment....
Since last June I started the divorce process and now he said to me that he realized every mistakes he made, he wants to change, he booked 1 appointment per week with a psychologist... lots of nice promises. I left him last Sunday because I want a new job so I told him that I needed a 4 month break to think and I will postpone the divorce. So now I am in London and he is in Manchester and he is still harassing me with his promises and talk to me for hours telling me that he will prove himself... he wants me to postpone the divorce process so he can keep his job because we are not married for 3 years. I don’t think he can change. When he knew I will divorce and received my petition, he changed everything on his behavior. It was too quick and not credible for me. Too much!
I don’t know what to think.
I really need your help as it’s a new life for me in London but he is still on my mind trying to convince me to stop the divorce because he is sure he can change.

Thank you! 😵😵


“Lost in South Africa”


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Dear “Lost”,

     While rushing into a relationship with someone who immediately calls you a soul mate is a red flag of a narcissistic relationship without more detail I can’t be too sure that you are married to a narcissist.  After reading this I am under the impression that this man is going to be getting some type of Visa through your marriage as he wouldn’t be able to work in the UK without being married for 3 years?  If this is the case and you were not aware that he would be gaining a Visa through your marriage then it seems that he is using you for this purpose.  You mentioned that he booked appointments to see a psychologist but did not mention if he was actually attending those appointments.  When dealing with manipulators it is always important to consider their actions before believing a single word that comes out of their mouths!  From what you wrote here this man wants to work on the relationship but do you?  I agree that the marriage may have happened rather quickly and was formed on the basis of lust rather than a real connection or commitment.  It takes time to form trust and bonds with people.  It also takes time to really get to know others especially if that person is someone who you plan on spending the rest of your life with.  Whether this person is a narcissist or not it seems as if you may need time to consider exactly what you want out of a relationship and life.  This is your life and you should take all the time you need to figure the situation out.  I do not condone divorce but I do recommend that you use this relationship as a learning experience if you divorce or if you stay.  I guess the number one piece of advice I would give anyone is to give all your relationships time to form.  Moreover, really get to know the people before making commitments.  Too often when we share ourselves too quickly or are too giving and loving we can be taken advantage of.  It seems as if this may have happened to you but only you know exactly what is going on behind closed doors.  Never stay in an abusive relationship and if the contact with him is overwhelming and harassing document it in case you need it for court.  Ask that the behavior and contact be limited and if this request is ignored then ask him to stop any further contact.  If this request is ignored you might need to take legal action.  However, if you are telling him that you need a break because you too want to work on the relationship and not telling him that the contact is unwelcomed then you are also contributing to the problem here.  It is good to be very clear about our intentions in these situations.  Being passive is only going to make the situation worse and we can’t expect others to read our minds or between the lines and hope they get that they are not welcome in our lives.  Good luck to you!  I wish I could give you a step by step guide to figure the whole situation out but I can’t.  This is going to take some soul searching and you are the only one who can do that.  If anything new arises please feel free to contact me or join our group for support!