Friday, January 1, 2016

Dear Narcissist Problems, "The Crazy Mom"




Dear Narcissist Problems,

I’m a recovering addict and crazy mom, been clean 10 yrs. off meth. I have one adult child that has depression, substance, and is narcissistic. I have asked him to leave my house yesterday and he said he’s leaving today. I can’t tell you how mean he has been to me and his younger brother. I’ve allowed him to stay with me because he is my son and I love him, because I owe him, and I failed him. He’s such a jerk and so alone and I feel so bad for. Him, he’s not the sweet boy this crazy addict mother abandoned to a cruel father years ago. I feel today like I am choosing my own survival, and I hope it’s not at the expense of his. I’m heartbroken. He has burned his bridges mostly everywhere else, except for maybe my daughter, who will put up with him for a while longer, but her boyfriend wont.

Sincerely,

“The Crazy Mom”

 

 

 

 

Dear “Crazy Mom”,

     The first step to recovering from anything is to admit there is a problem, right?  I’d like to commend you on coming to ask for advice on your situation.  I’m sure there is a possibility that you too also had a crazy mom which might have led to the addiction.  I’m sure that you are filled with guilt about the situation because of how you have failed your son in the past.  Here is the thing, we can’t change the past we can only try to make the future better.  It seems to me that you are more after validation than advice here so I will go ahead and validate your current actions.  You have made some major changes in your life for the better.  I’m assuming you are in therapy and your son is an adult.  If he is not an adult then yes you are obligated to get him the professional help he needs.  You are not your past mistakes especially if you have made the changes you need to fix your life.  Of course you feel guilty and heartbroken but we are all adults.  As you probably learned from your own experience nobody can help you unless you want the help.  You can love your son, you can try to be there for him, but you can’t enable his behavior.  This is a brand New Year the only thing we can do is to continue to work on ourselves to be better people.  We have no control over the behavior of anyone else.  Knowing this, you can’t hold yourself responsible for your son’s actions for the rest of your life because of your past guilt.  If he decides he wants to make positive changes in his life, seeks therapy, and tries to change then great.  If not there is very little you can do to help the situation.  Continue to do what you can but do not enable his behavior out of guilt.  Good Luck to you!

Regards,

Narcissist Problems


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