Dear Narcissist Problems,
I read your posts
every day and the question I want to ask is how prevalent is this behavior in
teenagers? Nearly all the behaviors you list I can identify in my step son....
it worries me to death about what kind of adult he will be. He has suffered
severe loss in his early life. But this narcissistic behavior is on the
increase and to be honest it's not pleasant. Any suggestions or further
information would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
“Not another Lady Tremaine”
Dear “Lady Tremaine”,
First, I would like to apologize that it took me so long to find your
question again! I’d like to apologize to
everyone actually! There are two things
going on here: One day an automated
response started replying to all of your messages stating that I will be with
you shortly. I don’t know if Facebook
set this up or what but I don’t get notified that I even have a message anymore
and I don’t know how to turn it off!
Second, I am doing this alone.
I’d like to take this moment to say that I am not trying to be rude or
ignore your questions so please don’t stop sending them! I’m currently working through a few hundred
and getting to them in the order they came in.
Please be patient!
Since
that is now cleared up I’m going to tackle this really great question! Generally, I’m of the view that a majority of
teenagers are narcissistic to a degree but from your question I am gathering
that we are not talking about the typical teenager/step-parent relationship. Without further information on the situation
I would recommend therapy to deal with the severe loss or abandonment issues he
may have. Let’s be honest with each
other, I haven’t met many teenagers whose parents would say they are pleasant. Maybe this is a stereotype but when I think
of teenagers, myself in younger years included, I picture self-obsession and
fits of rage or acting out. Maybe we
should take a poll but I think it would be abnormal if you said you had a
perfect teenager who was always in a great mood, did their chores, homework,
and never exerted their individuality or independence.
However,
I’m sure that you didn’t write in because you have no reference on the
emotional rollercoaster ride of being the parent of a teenager can be and this
behavior goes beyond the average. What I
really wonder is how much of the loss in his younger years is being used to
manipulate his position in your household.
Maybe he learned early on that he can play this card and get what he
wants so that is what he does. Does that
make him a narcissistic abuser or a hormonal teenager who learned to use his
tragedies to manipulate the people around him?
I don’t know. What I do know is
that I dug up an article that could help us both understand when teenage
narcissism is abnormal. At any rate, I’ll
start by answering your first question about the prevalence of this
disorder. Without going into the entire
study there was research done on the prevalence of NPD among adolescent boys,
however, it’s dated before the use of cell phones and the internet. I’ve been searching for a little while no so
if anyone can find more recent data please let me know! The article published in The American Journal of Psychiatry titled “Prevalence and
stability of the DSM-III-R personality disorders in a community-based survey of
adolescents” conducted research to establish the statistical prevalence of 10
personality disorders specifically found in DSM-III-R axis II criteria. Of their subjects it was found that “At least
one diagnosis of a moderate DSM-III-R personality disorder was received by
31.2% of the subjects (733 in study) at time 3, while 17.2% received a
diagnosis of at least one sever disorder at time 3.”(Bernstein, Cohen, Velez,
Schwab-Stone, Siever, & Shinsato 1993).
This study was done among years but it found that the highest prevalence
was found at the age of 12 in boys and age 13 in girls with the possibility of
being diagnosed after that declining after that age. It was observed that among
this age group “Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder was the most
prevalent moderate disorder diagnosed and narcissistic personality disorder was
the most prevalent severe axis II disorder.” (Bernstein, Cohen, Velez,
Schwab-Stone, Siever, & Shinsato 1993).
You didn’t mention the exact age of your stepson but here is the
breakdown of prevalence: Males age 11-14, 17.4%, Males age 15-17, 6.7% while
males age 18-21, 1.0%. This study was
conducted over years and during this study it was noted that if a person was
diagnosed at the second time there was a 50% chance of not being diagnosed by
the 3rd evaluation. So with
that said the age of your stepson is going to play a big role in his diagnosis
and treatment if he is diagnosed.
Further,
in the summer of 2007 there was an article published in the Journal of Child
& Family Studies titled “The Predictive Utility of Narcissism among
Children and Adolescents: Evidence for a Distinction between Adaptive and
Maladaptive Narcissism. I’ll include the
source below so you can pull it up later.
In this article the authors examine narcissistic behaviors in children
and adolescence in order to predict future misconduct. As noted in the beginning of the article
“Narcissism is one such personality construct that has recently been found to
be associated with conduct problems (Barry, Frick, & Killian, 2003) and
aggression in youth (Washburn, McMahon, King, Reinecke, & Silver
2004). All these authors agree that if
given positive parental influence in early years then those who display
characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder or maladaptive narcissism
are less likely to grow into adults that act on impulses of misconduct. We can agree that parenting does not come
with a hand book so that fact that you are intervening and asking for help
shows that you are willing to learn the skills required to help this teenager
mature into a successful adult. This
article explains that narcissism and self-esteem go hand in hand in that those
with maladaptive behaviors typically have a low self- esteem which is then
acted out in aggressive behaviors.
Moreover, “initial studies in youth suggest
that narcissistic characteristics may be associated with problem behaviors, not
unlike what has been consistently shown for adults.”(Barry, Frick,
Adler, & Grafeman, 2007). These
authors are careful to make the difference between what is considered healthy
narcissism and maladaptive narcissism and goes into defining what
characteristics we will find in those people based upon the Narcissistic
Personality Inventory or NPI scale. They
state that “Specifically, scales labeled Exploitativeness (e.g., “I find it
easy to manipulate people.”), Entitlement (e.g., “I insist on getting the respect
that is due Me.”), and Exhibitionism (e.g., “I get upset when people don’t
notice how I look when I go out in public.”) Have been considered maladaptive
based on their associations with poor social adjustment (Emmons, 1984; Raskin
& Terry, 1988).” (Barry,
Frick, Adler, & Grafeman, 2007). As
opposed to a normal amount of narcissism or adaptive behaviors where the person
has a good view of themselves and their position in society like having
feelings of being a responsible or being a good decision maker.
What I find interesting in this
article is that the authors acknowledge that there are no studies on parenting
styles and the outcome of antisocial personality disorders so there is no
conclusion as to if parenting style plays a role in the future behavior
problems of a person who has narcissistic personality disorder. While there aren’t any studies it is
suggested that negative or positive parenting practices can either encourage
narcissistic behaviors or lessen them.
With this in mind, the authors state that “Given that this issue has not
been previously investigated, the association between parenting practices and
narcissism was explored in our study along with their potential interaction in
predicting delinquent behaviors.” which is great news for us! (Barry, Frick, Adler, & Grafeman, 2007).
In this
study these authors recruited 98 children ranging from the ages of 9-15 and
looked for characteristics associated with manipulation and empathy. They then added a subgroup of children who
had been identified as displaying maladaptive narcissism that resulted in
misconduct or behavior issues. The one
thing that bothered me about this study is that the children who were selected
because of their bad behavior were done so by parental reporting of the child’s
problems. In other words, it’s
self-reporting. Growing up with a
disordered mother I find this disturbing because I was always labeled as a
problem and many times this label was placed to cover up parental abuse. I’m
not discrediting the research by saying that but only suggesting that we keep
this in mind when looking at the numbers and keep an eye out for future
research.
The conclusion made in this research seems to
be that the environment may play little role in antisocial behaviors, although,
negative parenting can exacerbate the misconduct. The ultimate conclusion was that children and
adolescence who display maladaptive narcissism are more likely to continue this
behavior in adulthood regardless of parenting.
Further they state that, “our
study, along with other recent studies in this area (Barry et al., 2003; Washburn et al., 2004),
suggests that narcissism manifested in certain maladaptive ways can be associated
with antisocial and delinquent behavior. This conclusion is made with the
understanding that the earlier presence of delinquency is likely a stronger
indicator of the likelihood of later delinquency.” (Barry, Frick, Adler, & Grafeman, 2007). In other words, your fears are founded and
you should seek help from a psychologist as soon as you can not only for your
step son but also yourself and other family members. Good luck to you and I hope you find the help
that your family needs.
Regards,
Narcissist Problems
References
References
Barry, C. T.,
Frick, P. J., Adler, K. K., & Grafeman, S. J. (2007). The Predictive
Utility of Narcissism among Children and Adolescents: Evidence for a
Distinction between Adaptive and Maladaptive Narcissism. Journal of Child
& Family Studies, 16(4), 508-521. Doi:10.1007/s10826-006-9102-5
Bernstein, D.
P., Cohen, P., Velez, C. N., Schwab-Stone, M., Siever, L. J., & Shinsato,
L. (1993). Prevalence and stability of the DSM-III-R personality disorders in a
community-based survey of adolescents. The American Journal of Psychiatry,
150(8), 1237-1243.
