This book is filled with Narcissistic predicaments every survivor finds themselves in. This forecast of narcissistic moods and behaviors should be read by anyone who is dating, getting married, getting divorced, wondering why your family hates you, questioning your sanity, or if you are just human and leave your house with the possibility of interacting with other humans. If you have listened to others who have experienced life with a narcissist then you know it's as if every narcissist was handed a playbook that guides them on how to abuse their victims to inflict the maximum amount of damage. If there ever was a Narc Manual then this is it. The knowledge within these pages will help you spot narcissistic behavior in order to avoid forming relationships with toxic people while simultaneously being your "ah ha" moment if you happen to already be in one of these high conflict nightmares. The information provided here is for both men and women and is not intended to be used as a tool for learning how to manipulate a narcissist. This is for your own knowledge to protect yourself from emotional and psychological abuse. I’m sharing this with the hopes that when and/or if you spot this behavior you can steer clear of these train wrecks.
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These narcissists are sly, manipulative, exploitative, and will hit you like a train wreck on an idle monday afternoon when you least expect it!
Dear Narcissist Problems,
I have read tons on narcissistic behavior, and have a couple of questions. My family has an individual who displays mostly passive narcissistic traits, but we have been at our wits end for years dealing with her being an extreme hypochondriac. She also has an insatiable need for attention.
She will drink, pop pills, and then call everyone for days complaining of how sick she is. We used to try to help her solve whatever problem she was complaining about. The problem is that she always rejects any solutions we could come up with. It’s almost like she just wanted to complain for the sake of complaining and it has really taken a toll on us as a family.
If we try to change the subject, or avoid "feeding the monster", we are accused of being insensitive and cruel. Also, if we try to make suggestions for getting well, she shoots them down immediately. She is highly skilled at using guilt of all kinds to try and get her needs met. ANY suggestions are welcome! Thank you for offering your time and effort with this group!
Sincerely,
“Sick and tired of being sick and tired”
The victim stance is a powerful one. The victim is always morally right, neither responsible nor accountable, and forever entitled to sympathy.
-Ofer Zur Ph.D.
Dear “Sick and Tired”,
I believe what you are referring to is a covert narcissist and they are manipulating people with what is known as help-reject-complain. It seems like your narcissistic family member has their need for attention met by playing on your sympathy and getting attention by either feigning an illness or down right making themselves sick. What happens when we are sick? People who care about us want to make us comfortable, they want to help us, and they will usually go out of their way to do this. I know I usually do when someone I care about is sick. Before diving into this any further I’d like to take a moment to just say that there is a big difference between people with a chronic illness who have no control over their illness and might complain about side effects from medications and symptoms of their condition.
What I will be explaining is specific to the manipulation tactics of a narcissist and not someone who may have a chronic illness or even illnesses associated with being abused by a narcissist. I wanted to make this distinction because another thing narcissists enjoy doing is dismissing the illnesses of others because that would distract the focus away from themselves. This is being written from the viewpoint that we are only speaking from a place where a narcissist is manipulating their family by pretending to be sick or intentionally making themselves sick.
The insatiable need for attention is the hallmark of a narcissist. This is why I like to refer to them as emotional vampires. They will suck you dry and leave you believing that you are the one who is tragically flawed for not feeding into whatever need they are trying to have met by you.
Narcissists, in general, will do many things to get their own needs met.
They might do this with various tactics to manipulate you, scapegoat you, triangulate you and your family & friends, or play the pity card. In this case your narcissistic family member is sabotaging their own health, rejecting any solutions to the health problem, and then complaining that nobody cares or nobody is helping them when you should be…at least you would be if you were a “good” person. How dare you if you question their illness or bring up the fact that their actions alone are directly making them ill. If you end up dealing with someone who takes money from you that you have donated or given to them under the assumption that they were really ill and you later found out that it was all a lie then please call the police and if they won't help ask a lawyer.
Here is where we see the covert narcissist in action. The covert narcissist is a perpetual victim in every way, shape, and form. They can be shy but not necessarily. Their tactics are different than the overt narcissist in that they are very sly, sneaky, and manipulative but do it in a way that goes unnoticed most of the time. These are the people who you always find yourself feeling sorry for. Somebody is always found to be taking advantage of them and breaking their hearts. They can actually be very clingy and needy. There is this helpless vulnerability they use as bait to reel in their next victim.
Once you spend enough time with them then you slowly realize that all of those awful people that did them wrong might not have actually done them so wrong because they start talking about you the same way. This usually happens when you call them out on their manipulative behavior or assert boundaries where you let yours fall. We get so caught up in the moment of showing this person that not all humans are there to take advantage of them and that there are some good people left on earth that you end up falling prey and becoming THEIR victim! We become enslaved with the idea that we will show them that one person on this earth will not screw them over. Little did we know at the beginning we were walking into a spider’s web covered by smoke and mirrors.
Help-rejecting-complainer, what does this mean?
A help-rejecting complainer is a pattern of behavior a person expresses when they ask for help but they are not motivated to change or actually find help for their problems. This isn’t only limited to medical issues. This could be a common pattern used by people who have issues with money, relationships, jobs, or anything else that would require change. The challenge with this pattern of behavior is that sometimes people build their entire identities upon their problems so actually getting help or changing the problematic behavior is out of the question because this is now who they are. This person IS their problem and in many cases they become their failures and mistakes. Moreover, they enjoy the attention that they recieve from their illness and like the lady below might enjoy the attention from others of how "strong" they are after dealing with so much illness.
This is two sides of a story from the perspective of the person with the alleged illness and the story from her daughter who says she is faking the illness. The short video below is the actual truth. Watching these two short videos will really help put your situation into some perspective as to what you are dealing with.
Both sides of the story
The Truth
In other words, being weak and vulnerable and incapable is who they have become. If they actually did take your offer for help and did the work to change then who would they be after that? I think that actually getting the help might actually terrify some people because they don’t know who they are beyond that problem. It’s like walking into no man’s land while wearing a blind fold. It should also be said that this behavior is not something only narcissists do, a lot of people are help-rejecting complainers but they don’t realize it. Covert narcissists are just REALLY GOOD at being help-rejecting complainers.
Help-rejecting complainers and the perpetual victimhood of a covert narcissist
A covert narcissist is always asking for help but they simply want your pity because that’s the way they have learned to get attention. Their chronic illness is being in a chronic state of chaos that needs immediate attention whether that is chaos related to their health issues, money, or relationships. They are the perpetual victim of their own bodies, the medical establishment, their land lord, mortgage company, bad paying jobs, lack of education, their own string of bad decisions (due to their bad upbringing or being picked on), or bad group of friends or horrible family members who use and abuse them. They have a problem and they can’t solve it on their own so they ask for your help.
These are very one sided relationships where you find yourself consistently in the role of listener, problem solver, and caretaker. There is no give and take and there is no interest in your life. This person does not care about anything going on in your life and if you do have a problem it will be immediately dismissed and the conversation redirected back to their problem that needs to be solved. They need your help and they need it now!
However, this person doesn’t want help, they don’t want to change, and the last thing they want is a real solution. They want someone to wave a magic wand and say “problem be gone!” and POOF their problem disappears without any effort on their part. Then the same problems continue to pop up over and over again the longer you know them. You offer solutions and every single one is shot down.
Rejecting solutions to the problems
To a narcissist only you can solve their problem by being their caretaker, loaning them money, or by fixing the problems that they created in their own lives by yourself. When you offer solutions for their problems that would permanently solve the issue then your idea is immediately rejected and you are told why that solution just will not work for them.
They wrecked their car again? They become helpless victims of their insurance companies and other bad drivers instead of considering the fact that they should stop taking their Xanax before getting behind the wheel of a car. The only solution they see is for you to take care of the mess and help them get a new car. When you bring up the fact that this is the third car wreck they have had and each time they complained about how their medication made them drowsy and they dozed off behind the wheel so they shouldn’t drive after taking their medication you are shot down.
The narcissist will remind you that they “can’t go out without their medication because being at Walmart gives them anxiety”. You suggest that they start asking for rides instead of driving if they can’t leave without taking medication then you are rejected again because “they don’t want to rely on others!” or you get blamed for “trying to control them and take away their independence”. The only solution is that they need a new car and you need to help them get one.
Their friend keeps borrowing money and not paying them back? This is probably an excuse for the narcissist spending too much and being bad with money but let’s go along with their problem of the friend taking advantage of them. You suggest that they should keep track of their money to make sure that they have enough to cover their bills before loaning to others because this is the fourth time this year their friends have left them high and dry. Even more if they don’t have the money right now their lights will get shut off, they won’t have heat because they need to pay the gas bill, or their landlord is so strict if rent is even one minute late they will be evicted.
Well instead of just not loaning out the money in the first place they need to borrow it from you so they can come up with their rent again. In this case they are the victim to the mooch friend, the electric company, the gas company, or their cruel landlord who is demanding rent on time or risk getting evicted. If you don’t shell over the money today then they will be on the streets! Then they will be the victim of you and their fixed income! Never mind learning how to budget their money.
They have diabetes and consistently complain about the side effects of their medications and their body falling apart. At the same time they are still eating junk food all day while watching TiVo. with the only time they spend walking is going to the refrigerator or bathroom. Never mind changing their diet or starting a routine to become active. They can’t get any exercise because they are too sick to get up and walk. They can’t eat better because they don’t have the money to buy healthy food even if they are on public assistance and brag about selling their extra food stamps to the neighbor. You suggest a budget again, not selling food stamps, and setting little goals to walk a little further each day.
The list of things goes on and on and on but a real solution will never be accepted. And here we are being consistently asked for help and every solution to permanently solve the problem has been rejected, dismissed, or flat out ignored. The worst part? Now they are mad at you for “judging them” or “being overly critical” and because you are “so uncaring and unkind”. How dare you.
Now they still have all these problems plus one more, you! They continue to complain about all the problems they ask your help for but now they start calling others to complain. Included in this list of complaints is now you and your behavior that has offended them.
Take a moment to think about these episodes of attention seeking and try to remember if there was an increase in health issues from this family member when drama and chaos were at a low. I guess what I’m wondering about right now is if this narcissist has created some rifts in the family by causing drama or ruining relationships or if there is a lull in drama. Did they spend the holidays solo? Have they lost any other sources of supply for attention? You might be surprised to notice that this person tends to get ill if other people in their lives have been staying away from them due to their toxic behavior and general destructiveness. You might also notice if things in the family have been peaceful and a little quiet there might be a sudden medical emergency they need help with.
In my own experience with my Narcissistic mother she loved to create storms of drama. She wasn’t able to function if there wasn’t some tragedy going on in her life. When there was something awful going on she was at her best. Happy, energetic, smiling, and on that phone gossiping with whoever would listen. As we know about gossip and human nature people usually love to listen to what is going on with others and the same goes for tragedies and emergencies.
When she couldn’t stir something up she became depressed and would stay in bed until 2 or 3 p.m. She would come down with chronic illnesses acutely. Mark my words, as soon as some shit storm was stirred up again her illness was cured! During the times she was ill she needed a caretaker, me. Someone not to offer advice or possible solutions like “let’s go to the doctor” only to be told “no”. She simply wanted attention, pampering, and someone around to cater to her needs.
I took care of the household, I took care of her emotions, and I took care of her own responsibilities like caring for other family members or getting a job at the age of 14 to make sure the bills were paid. If I were not taking care of her needs there would be hell to pay. I would be told I was selfish and uncaring. If I suggested she see a doctor there would be hell to pay because all she needs is for me to help with this or that and she knows how to fix what is wrong and how dare I question her expertise. If I told anyone outside of our home what was going on there would be hell to pay.
My point, it is not your job to take care of this person’s needs. So how do we deal with it? The only way to deal with a covert help-rejecting complainer is to protect yourself, stand your ground, enforce strong boundaries, and hopefully get the hell away from them as soon as possible and permanently! They do need help and it’s a help you will never be able to offer or suggest if this is a true narcissist. This is the way it is. If you suggest that they seek medical help and then they refuse there is nothing more you can do for them because it’s clear they do not want help. They are not looking for solutions.
We are all adults and we all have the responsibility to take care of ourselves, including our own needs. Back away slowly and keep your distance until/unless they decide to take the action necessary to get well again. As always, this post will be shared. Comments from readers as well as suggestions, advice, or a “me too” is always appreciated!
What to do when your narcissist does it all. From suicide threats, caller ID spoofers, faking deaths, and faking family members to harrass you
Dear Narcissist Problems,
Hi, I would like to share my current situation with the group anonymously. I believe I may be dating a Sociopath. It started a little over two years ago. We met online and talked for about 2 months before meeting at a local festival. That same day he said "I love you", which was a little soon for me but I went along with it. Within a few months he spoke with my mother and siblings about marrying me. Months went by and I asked him if I could go over and spend the day with his kids. He said he wasn’t ready for that and that he preferred I stay away and respect the privacy of the home. I wasn’t sure why he wanted to marry and yet I wasn’t allowed in his home. A year went by and he still not proposed like he had told my family.
Then he decided he wanted to buy a home and basically created a distraction away from the "wedding". We spent nearly another year searching for a home yet he would find everything wrong with every place we looked at. Finally we had agreed on one home. He decided tonight through his realtor. He called and said the house was ours! He even took me out to shop for furniture and cabinets and flooring. One day I decided to drive by the house and noticed there were people living there. I confronted him and he (of course) made a scene and cried said he didn’t want to disappoint me by telling me we didn’t get the house. I was shocked because he knew all along and still had me out shopping. I didn’t feel like I could trust him anymore. He would threaten me with hurting himself if I left him. Our arguments always somehow ended up being my fault.
After nearly 2.5 years with him I decided to end the relationship. He disappeared for a few days. Then the messages started. It was his ex-wife asking for me to call his mother because he had jumped out in front of traffic. I called and of course no answer. His mother never called me, all she did was text and I thought it was weird. I went to his job and his employee said he had been there earlier and was not injured. So I knew in that moment it was a lie. Then it got more interesting with his mother texting me telling me he had passed away and planned his funeral. I went to his place of work and confronted him about the huge lie.
He said he just wanted me to feel how he felt when I ended the relationship. That he loved me so much that he couldn't live without me. I changed my number but he found he could still email and is still threatens me with taking pills to end his life. It’s too much. I’m emotionally drained. He has taken what little trust and faith I had left. Too many coincidences too many little things adding up too many BIG lies. I'm know I'm not crazy. Help!
Sincerely,
“Emotionally Blackmailed”
An update from “Emotional Blackmail”
A shocking twist. His first attempt at faking his own death was uncovered but that was not enough for him. He admitted he knew he needed psychiatric help and asked for me to be supportive. He blamed his PTSD for all his problems. He claimed to have checked in to a mental hospital and even called me from the hospital a few times to prove to me he was there. A part of me that wanted to think it was true and he was getting help.
A week later he called and said he had been released and asked me to run away and get married in Florida. I simply replied “You already know my answer”. Anyone who loved me would never ask for me to leave my family. Little did I know, by declining his proposal to run away, I had signed up for my worst nightmare.
No sooner than the next morning I started getting emails and messages from his friends and family for the second time telling me he had committed suicide by overdose and I was going to be held responsible. Email after email accusing me of ruining his life and being the cause of his suffering. I was even sent a copy of the death certificate and his family demanded I sign over to them power of attorney.
There was a moment in time when I started to think this may be real, but my gut told me otherwise. I decided to go to the Coroner’s office to verify the certificate, and of course, it was FAKE! They advised me to report to the police department, but I was disappointed to find they could not help me due to the fact the document did not have my information and I was not in immediate danger.
In the meantime, the emails persisted, still demanding power of attorney for an estate, children left in my care, and a body that needed to be released from the morgue. I had not been replying to the email or messages because I was so sick and tired of the games, I knew he was playing with my head all along.
As the emails continued I could tell he was getting frustrated and angry that I was not engaging. He started using his nieces name to send me threats like, “I’m going to strangle you”, “I will make you pay for this”, and “I will ruin your family”. With emails like those I was finally able to provide the police evidence of the abuse. I was granted a protection order and a detective would be assigned to my case.
My sister once again took it upon herself to dig a little deeper, she found my ex-boyfriend’s niece on Facebook and asked if she knew my ex. She described him and asked if she was aware her uncle was using her name to threaten people. The poor girl was horrified to find that her own family would do such a thing, she even questioned if this could be the same person because the night before they had gone out to dinner and trick-or-treat and even his WIFE was there with them and that they had never been divorced!
My sister called me with the news, my jaw and stomach dropped to the floor. I could not believe that I had been with a married man for two and half years. How could anyone get away with so much for this long? How could this happen to me? He did send one last message, he did not admit to the emails but that he had lost everything because of me, his family, his life, his job. He said he would leave me alone and give me peace “you can be happy it will be like I never existed everything is gone”. He wondered why I had not gotten him arrested. I never did reply to him.
I can only assume this was one last attempt at controlling me, my emotions and hurting me. I feel used, empty, I even feel stupid for falling for this crazy person and all his lies, and I had been living a lie all this time. I was “the other women”.
I had gone through abuse in the past but nothing like this, bruises and scars heal, but emotional abuse is the hardest to overcome. I am currently struggling with anxiety, stress, constantly feeling edgy, sensitive and afraid. I feel like I’m withdrawing from everything I once loved and everything that made me happy. I look forward to the day this will no longer be a painful memory but a story to tell about a lesson learned and how I became stronger, braver. I will continue to follow through with the protection order and police report. He will need to confront reality and all those he has hurt with his lies.
Sincerely,
“Emotionally Blackmailed”
Dear “Emotionally Blackmailed”,
What a royal mind fuck that guy was! Excuse my language but dayum! Can we be sure there really was an ex-wife or children? Honey, YOU are NOT the CRAZY one!!! When you first started explaining the situation (in your first message!) I was sitting here thinking “we have a common cheater here” and then by the end my mind was spinning to grasp what I had just read. If my mind is spinning and I don't even know the guy.... I can't even imagine your mental state right now. I'd be questioning my own sanity as well!
The good news is that you ended the relationship and I’d really like to thank you for sharing this because there is someone out there shopping for furniture and cabinets right now who desperately needed to hear what you went through.
The sad part of this situation is that his threats of suicide are clearly tactics he uses to manipulate people. This is sad because there are people out there who really are suicidal and they might not get help because of people like this. I have some advice and that is to document all the crazy you can. One blogger who has experienced a similar situation as the very first sentence in herblogstates that;
“Self-harm and suicide threats are amongst the most terrifying – and effective – manipulation tactics in an abuser’s toolkit.”
I would change your phone number as soon as possible. I can't over state the importance of this. I have been hearing some crazy stories for the past two months about how narcissists are using caller ID spoofers and its making my skin crawl. CHANGE YOUR NUMBER! For the future if someone sends random threats of suicide call the police or theNational Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-8255. Moreover, continue to go no contact with this emotional blackmailer! It might be (a BIG might at this point!) tough but move, change your number, change your job, or leave the planet just don’t go back! Get in touch with a lawyer and file police reports.
I don’t know if the guy is a sociopath but he is clearly disordered! I'm pretty sure he is using an app that can send a text and make it look like it came from another phone number. I wouldn’t doubt if the ex-wife who called wasn’t him with one of those voice changing apps. He might have even hired some random person in a bar or off the street....OR he has been practicing his woman voice for years in order to impersonate his mother for whatever reasons... i.e. skipping class in high school and calling in or worse!
What do we know about this guy? 1. He has (might have) a wife and kids. The “ex” is up for debate at this point. Hell the whole previous marriage is up for debate in my book. 2. He lied about buying an entire house to the point that you were out shopping for furniture and found out by seeing another family moving in. 3. He threatened suicide and then had a phone call made to you so you would know. 4. He pretended to be his mother and sent you text messages telling you that he was dead as a form of emotional revenge. I would say that would qualify him as being an experienced abuser who is a master of mind manipulation and emotional blackmail.
I would go no contact, change your number, and get into trauma therapy.
I think this goes beyond dealing with a regular Narcissist Problem. The first time you wrote in I thought you were dealing with an extreme narcissist but this second elaboration of the situation just confirms that this guy is a narcopath!!! I’ve seen my fair share of Narcissist Problems but this guy takes the cake! Also, good for you for digging into the lies by going to the coroner’s office for confirmation. It’s insane that one would even need to do that yet here we are. I can only imagine the coroner’s reaction and I hope they didn’t treat you like you were insane for too long.
As for the police doing anything about the fake death certificate you found out the hard way that going to police with these things is a lost cause. Trust me, I haven’t had to go to the police with a fake death certificate but for other fraud related incidents. I learned that they will turn you away and worst case scenario they will make you feel like a paranoid schizophrenic even if you show them evidence.
When I had my situation and the police were of no help I contacted a criminal defense attorney because I figured if anyone had answers they would. One attorney instructed me to go to the prosecuting attorney’s office with all the documents and see if they will bring a case against the person for forgery (not fraud). I learned that there is a difference between the terms fraud and forgery and you were the victim of a forgery.
For better understanding, fraud is when someone deceives you for monetary gains and forgery is a technique used to commit fraud by creating a document in order to deceive. Since they were demanding power of attorney for property, children, and the forgers “body release” I would say you have a pretty good case and should consider pursuing this further. I know it would be easier to just walk away but the reality of the situation is that the crazy is not going to end unless you disappear.
I’m really glad you got an order of protection against this guy. Keep documenting the crazy because you are going to need everything later. They are really good at recruiting flying monkeys to harass their victims but it seems like this guy is a pro at creating flying monkeys. Honestly, his lack of manipulating people into doing his dirty work but instead creating flying monkeys and harassing you himself scares the hell out of me. I mean its normal for them to create fake profiles to stalk but this guy doesn’t even seem to have anyone in his life that is aware of you yet you have been harassed by his “whole family”. First the mom, now the niece, and who else is really just fake? That’s a whole separate level of hate and I’m starting to wonder if he is actually a psychopath.
I think that your reactions are normal in this situation. These relationships will take a toll on us permanently but you need to know that you were not and are not stupid. The only thing I can suggest is completely cut yourself off. You might even need to move to another state, change your number, change your emails again because this guy will never stop. It’s scary, confusing, and it’s not fair to be forced into such drastic measures but we are talking about your peace.
Evil people don't announce themselves.
They show up as everything you've ever wanted
and then turn into your worst nightmare
Staying where you are, if he knows where you are, will only force you to withdraw more. What you have been through is going to take a very long time to recover from. In fact, it’s probably going to change you forever. Who you were, who you are, and who you are going to be will meet in this moment and how you go on from here is going to define your future. You can let this break you permanently but from the sounds of it you are going to be stronger, wiser, and possibly an advocate for others. There is a quote flying around the internet that is dead on and it goes something like this “There are going to be moments in your life where a clear line is drawn between before this moment and after this moment.” I don’t know who wrote it but it is so true. You got this so just keep going!
Sincerely,
Update: These correspondence took place over a few months with the last message from "emotionally blackmailed" being that The police decided to pursue a case and this person was eventually arressted.
I love social media, thank you for your site. When I explain to others what I experience with a narcissistic social worker a masters narcissistic social worker (that should not have a license) people look at me like I am crazy. I would like more information for education helps me to understand the craziness.
Need resources on how to deal with a Narcissistic Social Worker!
I can only imagine what you are going through if you are dealing with a narcissistic social worker! As far as educational materials dealing specifically with a narcissistic social worker I'm coming up short handed. However! There is a lot of information on how to deal with an investigation, how to deal with false allegations, and how to deal with legal kidnapping.
Unfortunately for us what we consider narcissistic abuse is actually common practice within the Department of human services. I'm sure that some good people with noble intentions originally set out to be social workers to save children but all of those good intentions fly out of the window when combined with state policies.
There is a conflict of interest happening within our civil court system and specifically within DCFS where false allegations are encouraged by narcissistic social workers and used against parents with little to no evidence as a means to legally kidnap children. I think we are all in agreement that throwing a child into the foster care system rather than working with the parents who may have issues is not only not in the best interest of the child but it's also not in the best interest of our species.
The late Senator Nancy Schaefer was an advocate for parents and families dealing with social services. She did a great job explaining what happens to families dealing with DCFS.
There is a huge problem in our country in regards to the corruption and problems withing the DCFS system so outing one narcissistic social worker would be almost impossible because their tactics are widely accepted and used by the entire system to destroy children and families.
I'm glad this page has helped but I highly suggest doing a search on Facebook for groups that deal directly with CPS and DCFS corruption.
Here are five things you can do if you are facing false allegations to DCFS:
Don't sign anything!
Hire a Lawyer!
Don't Give them access to any of your records!
Recind signatures!
Record and document all interactions!
In the meantime, make sure that you record all interactions with this social worker. Inform them that you will be recording the conversation or face to face meeting if required to do so by law.
Another option is to refuse any meetings without your lawyer. If they want to speak with you then ALWAYS speak with your lawyer. Stop them and say, I need to talk to my lawyer first. Then call your lawyer.
I know attorneys are very expensive but this is one situation where you should sell your house, car, pawn your belongings, and do whatever you need to come up with the money to pay a lawyer because not having a lawyer could cost you your family. Don't sign anything without showing it to your lawyer first.
If you have already signed something then send them a certified letter in the mail requiring a signature that states you are recinding, an email that you are recinding, AND a phone call. Then save the records of all three so they can' t later say they collected evidence before you recinded your signature. When you recind make the letter quick and to the point "I did not understand what I was signing, I signed under duress, and I was told that if I didn't sign the document X Y and Z would happen to me or my children".
Make it clear that you will no longer be signing anything without a lawyer first looking over the document. I'm not sure exactly what is going on in your case or with this social worker but I can only imagine that you are being threatened with your custody of your children. Make sure that you stand your ground, never admit to anything especially when you are innocent! A great way parents get duped by DCFS is signing an agreement to services. In the eyes of the government by you signing that agreement you are agreeing to being guilty of whatever they are accusing you of. DON'T SIGN ANYTHING, EVER!
These people might act as though they are above the law but they are not. If you don't know your rights as a citizen of this country then you might as well not have any. They need probably cause, they need evidence so don't give it to them!
Make them take you to court but you better be sure that you are not giving up evidence that might be used against you because it will be even if its something innocent it will be twisted into you being a monster. If you give them an inch they will take a mile. Stand your ground and know your rights. Specifically, know the 4th and 14th amendments and practice them!
