Friday, March 17, 2017

Narcissists are the parasites of the human race. Period.



When Loving a Parasitic Narcissist turns into anger, depression, and suicide






Dear Narcissist Problems,

        I read a lot of your posts and info and have to say I actually thought I was a narcissist because I did so many of the things that are posted. For two years I cried and cried and had massive anxiety attacks over my situation. I hunted for Answers, begged, pleaded, apologized and I found out many horrible nasty things that had been happening. I thought once I knew the truth I would be able to just get angry and be done, but no I wanted him to never forget me or how much I loved him and how much I had given of myself to stand by him, how doing so ruined my life.

     It consumed my every thought because I couldn't and don't understand how I sacrificed so much without thinking of myself to be loyal to him and how he could just disregard me like I never existed. He went no contact with me because I discovered what he was doing and told him. I honestly thought I was going crazy, I wanted to die and had wished someone would run into my car or I could sleep and never wake up. I became this person I never thought I was and I am deeply ashamed of my actions. He has moved away now and honestly for the first time in two years I feel better.

      I'm gutted because I thought he was my once in a lifetime, but did I really want that or did I just pursue it so much because I wanted him to be sorry and accountable for how he treated me? Yes I love him, probably always will, but it's unhealthy and a long road to recovery. How can a person control so much of what u think and feel? Three years together. Did not live together. I knew he had never been faithful to others. He asked me to take a chance on him so I did, I moved for him, I worked his business for him, and I was with him through mouth cancer losing his businesses going bankrupt and his ex taking everything.

     I was warned about him but really loved him and chose him above everything. I ended up unemployed and moved again. He just got distant and the calls stopped happening. I felt something was off because of different things showing up in his place, odd texts etc. he'd deny it and deny it. He changed my number in his phone to a guy’s number. Fuck I just gave up my life as I knew it to stand by this man I couldn't understand.

     He just kept telling me it was all about him he lost everything and I lost nothing. Panic attacks would happen over anything. I just needed to know answers and why. He moved in with Asian ladies and he advertised himself for sale and his sister had told me about other women while with me. I wanted to die. I wanted revenge so bad for all of this hurt I threatened him then I'd apologize. I'd cry, beg, and plead with him. Then I would get angry again in this big circle of emotions. I'd write and say the most horrible nasty things in text ……and text…… and text I couldn't let it go.

     I've apologized over and over and still cry every day I thought I was this really horrible person. It's been 2 years and since I found out he moved to another state I feel better but don't hate him in fact I still love him and that is what I get angry about. How could someone know how much you loved them, how much you sacrificed for them, and be so cruel and uncaring? Pretend you don't exist. Let you go without. I fed him, bought him things he needed, and shared all I had with him and chose him knowing every bad thing there was to know. I loved him when he had nothing. I loved him knowing he cheated and lied and sold himself.

       I'm sorry it's such a long story. He was the first man I ever completely trusted with all of me, the first man I wanted to hug, the very first person that I said I love you to first. The first person I was willing to do anything for and did. I actually went and seen a psychologist because I was all over the place. I really didn't want revenge I just wanted him to see how much I was hurting and to try and understand why he did these things when I chose him time and time again. My income has been cut in half and now I can barely afford to live. I had to sell anything I had of value. My whole world just gone for doing what I thought was right for the man I loved. That doesn't make me a bad person does it?

Sincerely,

“Devastated”




Dear Devastated,


     I’m glad that you wrote in and shared your experience. I really hope that you continue with therapy and also find support in groups. It is very normal to wonder if you are a narcissist after being in a relationship with one. The very fact that you are dissecting your entire personality points toward the fact that you probably are not one. Narcissists don’t typically spend time examining their own motives or behaviors instead they spend their time examining the behavior of everyone else especially if there is a problem.
Narcissists are parasitic humans
     Being depressed, anxious, and suicidal are also normal reactions to being abuse. Your anger is also very normal because you have been violated at a cellular level. You are angry at him and you are angry with yourself for allowing him to take advantage of and exploit you. Narcissists are parasitic humans, emotional vampires, and down- right criminal.
     The way parasitic narcissists abuse their victims causes them to slowly kill the target via suicide. At the end they can always say that they had nothing to do with your death and even use your suicide to gain sympathy for others. This is called murder by suicide and you can bet they planned on pushing you to the brink of self-destruction just as much as they planned to exploit you.

     The key to pushing past the anger you feel and eventually past your depression and suicidal thoughts is in forgiveness. You do not have to forgive him but you do need to forgive yourself. Researchers have found that “individuals who have experienced negative life events (such as abuse or trauma) may find themselves in a dysfunctional cycle in which the abuse activates maladaptive self-focused thoughts that make it difficult for them to experience forgiveness of self.
     You need to forgive yourself
      Self-forgiveness plays a very important role in adjustment, by disrupting maladjustment and allowing abused individuals to regain self-respect they may have lost after living with an abusive partner for an extended period of time (Band-Winterstein, Eisikovits, & Koren, 2011). Forgiving yourself is an essential part of healing after narcissistic abuse. You could not have known that you were dealing with a predator, none of us did. You are not to blame for trusting this person. Nothing in life could have prepared you for what you have been through. 

      Moreover, working toward forgiveness of self has been shown to help disrupt the common association between abuse and depressive and anxious symptoms. In order to move forward with your life you will need to do a lot of work on healing and forgiving yourself. Likewise, the questioning of you being a narcissist is normal in that your thoughts have become so self-focused after being abused. This research also found that when we don’t forgive ourselves that leaves us open to remain in abusive relationships whether we keep going back to the original abuser or we find a new relationship that is also abusive.  
CDC's definition of a parasite
   

Have you ever thought about parasites before? The CDC's definition of a parasite is “an organism that lives on or in a host organism and gets its food from or at the expense of its host.” Does this sound familiar to you? Now there are different types of protozoa that are considered infectious to humans and are divided into four groups which are irrelevant to this discussion because what is not listed on the CDC website is that of the Parasitic Human. For Humans we would rather have them diagnosed with a personality disorder instead of naming them for what they truly are. Parasites.





I suppose it could be argued that the human can’t be considered a parasite according to science because they don’t feed off of our blood or live inside our bodies. Human parasites take this a step further and they live off your soul and they feed on your brain and thoughts and if you spend enough time with them then your entire body will start to fall ill.
     Further, they will inject you with disease and then leave. T he fact that your parasitic ex-boyfriend also had multiple sexual partners and could have given you a STD that could have destroyed your entire reproductive system, your brain, or entire immune system via contracted viruses like HIV I have no clue as to why the human parasite is still not on this CDC list is beyond me. With this is mind I would say the human is the most destructive of all parasites.

     Narcissistic parasites love to bring up the fact that they have lost so much and you have lost nothing as if you deserved to lose something. As if losing everything is a competition or if you need to give more because they are lacking. Lucky for us I dug up an article that was published in the Association for Psychological Science in 2014 by Daniel N Jones of University of Texas in El Paso. The title of the article is Predatory Personalities as Behavioral Mimics and Parasites: Mimicry-Deception Theory and while it mainly focuses on financial predators it has some key implications for understanding your situation as well.

     In his research Jones made the comparison between human and non-human parasites and their common behaviors being “a nonhuman animal mimic is defined as an organism that, through various means of deception (e.g., behavioral, visual, and chemical), appears to possess certain characteristics but actually possesses different characteristics (Holling, 1965). A predatory mimic (or Mortenson mimic) is a nonhuman animal that uses such confusion for hunting prey (Wickler, 1968).” (Jones 2014). This is very much what the parasitic narcissist does when they initiate their relationships. They camoflage themselves to cover up the preditor they are and study and mimic you. They love all the things you love. If you like dinner theater, so do they! If you LOVE mystery novels, so do they! They typically spend the beginning of their relationships asking questions and listening to your responses. This makes them appear caring and interested in you as a person but what they are really doing is taking notes on ways to gain entrance into your life and then ways to later exploit or blackmail you.  The predatory and parasitic behaviors described in this research are used to gain something from the target or prey through the use of deception alone.

      Think back to when you met your Ex-boyfriend and he was mimicking your good qualities while absorbing them in order to become the perfect partner for you, your soulmate. However, he is not like you because this was his strategy to gain your trust so that he could go in for the kill and take advantage of you. He needed to find out what buttons to push to get what he wanted much like the key codes on a vending machine. For money then press G3 but if you want to bully into action then press B2 for tears press A1 and for a feeling of saftey then press C6. Make no mistake about it, they study their victims from the very beginning and if they feel you are slipping away then they will press the saftey button to get you to stay. If they press G3 for instant money and you refuse then they press B2.  Jones dissects this deceptive behavior as “mimicry complexity, resource extraction rate, host integration, and risk of detection.”(2014).

      In essence your ex had a long term goal in sight and that was to drain you of all of your resources with little detection from you of being or feeling used. When these people come into our lives they have very limited resources such as money and if they do have resources it is usually from conning their last victim. They will most likely have numerous potential victims hence the many girlfriends and sexual partners because to them its like fishing.
     The wider the net is cast out the more they can pull in and use or sell.  The key to your Ex’s success was with this “resource extraction rate”, he spent the time to gain your trust and he didn’t extract all of your resources at once as to alert you that you were being manipulated and used.
     Rest assured that some of the others that were caught in his net were used for short term needs and they were quickly used and then thrown back to sea. The ones that are short term goals are the ones they con so bad that they do so quickly and very obviously and they need to be discarded so they don't have the potential to cause the narcissist any humiliation or exposure later. These victims are less likely to live near by. The narcissist probably met them online in dating sites or singles apps.

      Being a long term victim he got his foot in the door and then slowly bled you dry and destroyed your life. Of course you are angry! Who wouldn’t be! You were deceived, conned, and duped! You thought you were falling in love and this guy was only using love as a ruse to take you for all that you had and you continued to give. You are angry with him and you are probably even angrier with yourself! The point of this whole explanation is that your ex-boyfriend should no longer be viewed by you as a human because he is nothing more than a parasite.

     On top of being parasitic this person is probably going to land in prison someday due to being a con artist. I would not blame yourself but instead I would wait for other victims to eventually contact you as a witness in some court case. As for the criminal behaviors of those diagnosed with cluster B personality disorders more research is being developed. The behavior of your ex is clearly bordering criminal if not criminal already and some research already explains that there are modes of criminal behavior expressed by those with cluster B disorders and they range from the ruthless to the protective. You need to understand that you have been victimized so understanding how criminals manipulate victims is almost imperative to forgiving yourself.

     One mode described as criminal cluster b behavior is “conning and manipulative” and is what is seen when the narcissist, psychopath, or sociopath is forming a relationship with another with the purpose of gaining something from them via conning, lying, and manipulation. Moreover, these modes cycle throughout the relationship if that relationship is long term so you could experience these modes over and over again. 
     Then there is a mode described as “paranoia” mode in which the cluster BPD attempts to control sources of danger or humiliation.  Further, "Predator mode" refers to the “cold, ruthless, and premeditated aggression in which the individual focuses on callously eliminating a real or imagined threat, rival or obstacle.  (Keulen-de Vos, Bernstein, Vanstipelen, Vogel, Lucker, Slaats, & Arntz 2016).

      The more impulsive he got with his asking for money or other resources also seems to have escalated in aggression as he bullied you (Pressed those buttons on the machine) into giving him things which further manipulated you through guilt of noncompliance. This is what diagnosed cluster B criminals have been shown to do to a T. “Furthermore, it appeared that as events leading up to crimes progressed, patients’ emotional states were characterized by escalating levels of anger and impulsivity, culminating in states of ‘hot’ aggression (i.e., bully and attack mode) and ‘cold’ predatory aggression (i.e., predator mode) during the crimes themselves..”(2016).   What has happened here with you seems to be that this human parasite planned to take you for all that you would give for as long as you would give it and then when he was expose you were immediately discarded.   

     Each time he asked for something his demand for you to pity him and put your own needs second seemed to work well for him so in your recovery it would be a good idea to work on setting firm boundaries with people. What he was not planning on was his sister informing you of the other girlfriends. He went from being the love of your life, to manipulative and bullying you into giving up your resources, and paranoid in that he kept an entirely separate life, to the final discard when the sister exposed the whole scheme he had going on with multiple women. This is what human parasites do and we call them Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Sociopaths.


     I’m going to share a video with you that I watched the other day. It is kind of long but it is probably something you should take the time to listen to because the situation is almost identical to what this man went through. I think it will help you find some type of closer. Also, he drops the F bomb a lot but regardless anyone who is dating should listen to this person's nightmare as he discusses meeting his psychopath and all the clues along the way up to him finding out that his partner was a sex worker.  

      I’d like to also mention that as he had a line of sexual partners waiting around the corner when he changed your name in his phone to that of a man’s and then suddenly grew distant he knew that you were out of resources. There was nothing left for him to take. At that point you were useless to him and he treated you accordingly as he moved on to his next victim.
     Typically, someone wouldn’t hide a name or phone number unless they were spending an intimate and large amount of time with another person that also has access to the same phone. So think back to when you met him. What guy kept calling him at the beginning of your relationship that you never met and he stopped talking to? This is a pattern of conduct for him and has very little to do with who you are except for one thing; cluster BPD’s normally target people who have something to offer. He probably seen you with your life together, money in the bank, and a good job and planned out his next 5 years at least.

 
It takes years to heal from narcissistic abuse. You will have the lowest lows known to mankind. You will question yourself and if you are really the disordered one. You will spend day and night analyzing what you have been through to the point of mental and physical exhaustion. My best advice for you is to realize that you are not alone. Understand that there is probably very little you could have done to prevent this from happening but you do have the power to study and research red flags so that you don’t keep finding yourself in these relationships with different people. Stay in counseling and ask your therapist if they are familiar with trauma therapy for abuse victims. Get connected with other survivors so that you can openly speak about what you have been through without feeling disbelieved or judged. Good luck to you on your healing journey!

Regards,

Narcissist Problems
   


References

Chang, E. C., Kahle, E. R., Yu, E. A., & Hirsch, J. K. (2014). Understanding the Relationship between Domestic Abuse and Suicide Behavior in Adults Receiving Primary Care: Does Forgiveness Matter? Social Work, 59(4), 315-320.

Jones, D. N. (2014). Predatory Personalities as Behavioral Mimics and Parasites: Mimicry–Deception Theory. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 9(4), 445-451. Doi: 10.1177/1745691614535936

Keulen-de Vos, M. E., Bernstein, D. P., Vanstipelen, S., Vogel, V., Lucker, T. C., Slaats, M., & ... Arntz, A. (2016). Schema modes in criminal and violent behaviour of forensic cluster B PD patients: A retrospective and prospective study. Legal & Criminological Psychology, 21(1), 56-76. doi:10.1111/lcrp.12047

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