Dear Narcissist Problems, "Emotionally Blackmailed 2" The update

Dear Narcissist Problems,

An update from “Emotional Blackmail” originally posted last month.

            A shocking twist. His first attempt at faking his own death was uncovered but that was not enough for him. He admitted he knew he needed psychiatric help and asked for me to be supportive. He blamed his PTSD for all his problems. He claimed to have checked in to a mental hospital and even called me from the hospital a few times to prove to me he was there. A part of me that wanted to think it was true and he was getting help.

A week later he called and said he had been released and asked me to run away and get married in Florida. I simply replied “You already know my answer”. Anyone who loved me would never ask for me to leave my family. Little did I know, by declining his proposal to run away, I had signed up for my worst nightmare.  

No sooner than the next morning I started getting emails and messages from his friends and family for the second time telling me he had committed suicide by overdose and I was going to be held responsible. Email after email accusing me of ruining his life and being the cause of his suffering. I was even sent a copy of the death certificate and his family demanded I sign over to them power of attorney.

There was a moment in time when I started to think this may be real, but my gut told me otherwise. I decided to go to the Coroner’s office to verify the certificate, and of course, it was FAKE! They advised me to report to the police department, but I was disappointed to find they could not help me due to the fact the document did not have my information and I was not in immediate danger.

 In the meantime, the emails persisted, still demanding power of attorney for an estate, children left in my care, and a body that needed to be released from the morgue. I had not been replying to the email or messages because I was so sick and tired of the games, I knew he was playing with my head all along.

As the emails continued I could tell he was getting frustrated and angry that I was not engaging. He started using his nieces name to send me threats like, “I’m going to strangle you”, “I will make you pay for this”, and “I will ruin your family”. With emails like those I was finally able to provide the police evidence of the abuse. I was granted a protection order and a detective would be assigned to my case.

 My sister once again took it upon herself to dig a little deeper, she found my ex-boyfriend’s niece on Facebook and asked if she knew my ex. She described him and asked if she was aware her uncle was using her name to threaten people. The poor girl was horrified to find that her own family would do such a thing, she even questioned if this could be the same person because the night before they had gone out to dinner and trick-or-treat and even his WIFE was there with them and that they had never been divorced!

 My sister called me with the news, my jaw and stomach dropped to the floor. I could not believe that I had been with a married man for two and half years. How could anyone get away with so much for this long? How could this happen to me? He did send one last message, he did not admit to the emails but that he had lost everything because of me, his family, his life, his job. He said he would leave me alone and give me peace “you can be happy it will be like I never existed everything is gone”. He wondered why I had not gotten him arrested. I never did reply to him.

 I can only assume this was one last attempt at controlling me, my emotions and hurting me. I feel used, empty, I even feel stupid for falling for this crazy person and all his lies, and I had been living a lie all this time. I was “the other women”.

 I had gone through abuse in the past but nothing like this, bruises and scars heal, but emotional abuse is the hardest to overcome. I am currently struggling with anxiety, stress, constantly feeling edgy, sensitive and afraid. I feel like I’m withdrawing from everything I once loved and everything that made me happy. I look forward to the day this will no longer be a painful memory but a story to tell about a lesson learned and how I became stronger, braver. I will continue to follow through with the protection order and police report. He will need to confront reality and all those he has hurt with his lies.

 Sincerely,

“Emotionally Blackmailed”

Dear “Emotionally Blackmailed”,

            Wow.  Just WOW! I think this goes beyond dealing with a regular Narcissist Problem. The first time you wrote in I thought you were dealing with an extreme narcissist but this second elaboration of the situation just confirms that this guy is a narcopath!!!  I’ve seen my fair share of Narcissist Problems but this guy takes the cake!  Also, good for you for digging into the lies by going to the coroner’s office for confirmation.  It’s insane that one would even need to do that yet here we are.  I can only imagine the coroner’s reaction and I hope they didn’t treat you like you were insane for too long.  

As for the police doing anything about the fake death certificate you found out the hard way that going to police with these things is a lost cause.  Trust me, I haven’t had to go to the police with a fake death certificate but for other fraud related incidents.  I learned that they will turn you away and worst case scenario they will make you feel like a paranoid schizophrenic even if you show them evidence. 

When I had my situation and the police were of no help I contacted a criminal defense attorney because I figured if anyone had answers they would.  One attorney instructed me to go to the prosecuting attorney’s office with all the documents and see if they will bring a case against the person for forgery (not fraud).  I learned that there is a difference between the terms fraud and forgery and you were the victim of a forgery.

 For better understanding, fraud is when someone deceives you for monetary gains and forgery is a technique used to commit fraud by creating a document in order to deceive.  Since they were demanding power of attorney for property, children, and the forgers “body release” I would say you have a pretty good case and should consider pursuing this further.  I know it would be easier to just walk away but the reality of the situation is that the crazy is not going to end unless you disappear. 

I’m really glad you got an order of protection against this guy.  Keep documenting the crazy because you are going to need everything later. They are really good at recruiting flying monkeys to harass their victims but it seems like this guy is a pro at creating flying monkeys.  Honestly, his lack of manipulating people into doing his dirty work but instead creating flying monkeys and harassing you himself scares the hell out of me. I mean its normal for them to create fake profiles to stalk but this guy doesn’t even seem to have anyone in his life that is aware of you yet you have been harassed by his “whole family”.  First the mom, now the niece, and who else is really just fake?  That’s a whole separate level of hate and I’m starting to wonder if he is actually a psychopath.

Thank you for sharing your story.  I’m really glad that you are reaching out for help and finding support.  I think that your reactions are normal in this situation.  These relationships will take a toll on us permanently but you need to know that you were not and are not stupid. The only thing I can suggest is completely cut yourself off.  You might even need to move to another state, change your number, change your emails again because this guy will never stop.  It’s scary, confusing, and it’s not fair to be forced into such drastic measures but we are talking about your peace. 

Evil people don't announce themselves.
  They show up as everything you've ever wanted

 and then turn into your worst nightmare

Staying where you are, if he knows where you are, will only force you to withdraw more.  What you have been through is going to take a very long time to recover from.  In fact, it’s probably going to change you forever.  Who you were, who you are, and who you are going to be will meet in this moment and how you go on from here is going to define your future.  You can let this break you permanently but from the sounds of it you are going to be stronger, wiser, and possibly an advocate for others.  There is a quote flying around the internet that is dead on and it goes something like this “There are going to be moments in your life where a clear line is drawn between before this moment and after this moment.” I don’t know who wrote it but it is so true.  You got this so just keep going!

Sincerely,

Narcissist Problems

pinterest.com/NarcProblems
facebook.com/NarcissistProblems
twitter.com/Narc_Problems