Saturday, October 8, 2016

Dear Narcissist Problems, "Emotionally Blackmailed"



Dear Narcissist Problems,

Hi, I would like to share my current situation with the group anonymously. I believe I may be dating a Sociopath. It started a little over two years ago. We met online and talked for about 2 months before meeting at a local festival. That same day he said "I love you", which was a little soon for me but I went along with it. Within a few months he spoke with my mother and siblings about marrying me. Months went by and I asked him if I could go over and spend the day with his kids. He said he wasn’t ready for that and that he preferred I stay away and respect the privacy of the home. I wasn’t sure why he wanted to marry and yet I wasn’t allowed in his home. A year went by and he still not proposed like he had told my family.

Then he decided he wanted to buy a home and basically created a distraction away from the "wedding". We spent nearly another year searching for a home yet he would find everything wrong with every place we looked at. Finally we had agreed on one home. He decided tonight through his realtor. He called and said the house was ours! He even took me out to shop for furniture and cabinets and flooring. One day I decided to drive by the house and noticed there were people living there. I confronted him and he (of course) made a scene and cried said he didn’t want to disappoint me by telling me we didn’t get the house. I was shocked because he knew all along and still had me out shopping. I didn’t feel like I could trust him anymore. He would threaten me with hurting himself if I left him. Our arguments always somehow ended up being my fault.

 After nearly 2.5 years with him I decided to end the relationship. He disappeared for a few days. Then the messages started. It was his ex-wife asking for me to call his mother because he had jumped out in front of traffic. I called and of course no answer. His mother never called me, all she did was text and I thought it was weird. I went to his job and his employee said he had been there earlier and was not injured. So I knew in that moment it was a lie. Then it got more interesting with his mother texting me telling me he had passed away and planned his funeral. I went to his place of work and confronted him about the huge lie.

He said he just wanted me to feel how he felt when I ended the relationship. That he loved me so much that he couldn't live without me. I changed my number but he found he could still email and is still threatens me with taking pills to end his life. It’s too much. I’m emotionally drained. He has taken what little trust and faith I had left. Too many coincidences too many little things adding up too many BIG lies. I'm know I'm not crazy. Help!

Sincerely,

“Emotionally Blackmailed”



Dear “Blackmailed”,

            What a royal mind fuck that guy was!  Excuse my language but dayum!  Can we be sure there really was an ex-wife or children?  Honey, YOU are NOT the CRAZY one!!!  When you first started explaining the situation I was sitting here thinking “we have a common cheater here” and then by the end my mind was spinning to grasp what I had just read.  
        The good news is that you ended the relationship and I’d really like to thank you for sharing this because there is someone out there shopping for furniture and cabinets right now who desperately needed to hear what you went through. 
     The sad part of this situation is that his threats of suicide are clearly tactics he uses to manipulate people.  This is sad because there are people out there who really are suicidal and they might not get help because of people like this.  I have some advice and that is to document all the crazy you can.  One blogger who has experienced a similar situation as the very first sentence in her blog states that;

Self-harm and suicide threats are amongst the most terrifying
 – and effective – manipulation tactics in an abuser’s toolkit.”


     When he sends random threats of suicide call the police or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-8255.  Moreover, continue to go no contact with this emotional blackmailer!  It’s going to be tough but move, change your number, change your job, or leave the planet just don’t go back! 

 I don’t know if the guy is a sociopath but he is clearly disordered!  I'm pretty sure he is using an app that can send a text and make it look like it came from another phone number. I wouldn’t doubt if the ex-wife who called wasn’t him with one of those voice changing apps.  

What do we know about this guy? 1. He has (might have) a wife and kids.  The “ex” is up for debate at this point.  Hell the whole previous marriage is up for debate in my book.  2.  He lied about buying an entire house to the point that you were out shopping for furniture and found out by seeing another family moving in.  3. He threatened suicide and then had a phone call made to you so you would know.  4. He pretended to be his mother and sent you text messages telling you that he was dead as a form of emotional revenge.  I would say that would qualify him as being an experienced abuser who is a master of mind manipulation and emotional blackmail.
  I would go no contact, change your number, and get into trauma therapy. Again, thank you for sharing as I’m sure this will really help someone out there!  Good luck to you on your healing journey!

Regards,



Narcissist Problems

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