October 15, 2016

Dear Narcissist Problems, "The Finger Pointer"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

Funny how the posts on this site come from people who think that narcissists are abnormal, and that they're normal?


“The Finger Pointer”

Dear “Finger Pointer”,

            It was not my intention to give you the impression that I was normal simply by addressing Narcissistic Abuse and the tactics used by narcissistic abusers.  I’m glad you are so observant!  You are correct, I’m probably not normal anymore.  In fact, I lost my mind some time ago.   Thank you for pointing this out.  To clear things up for you in the past decade I’ve grown increasingly paranoid and at one point I was too scared to leave my own home.  I would sit in my house and jump up to take a look-see out the window whenever I heard a car door shut or people talking outside.  When I meet people who are really nice I evaluate them in my mind wondering what they are plotting.  I also keep my eyes peeled for any signs of gas lighting to the point that if I’m around someone I don’t trust I’ll set booby traps on my personal belongings so that I know if something has been moved!  I keep record of conversations in case I’m ever forced to remember some insignificant detail that should ever be questioned at a later date.  I also check to make sure all my windows are locked at least twice before I leave my home!  I lay in bed some nights unable to sleep as I ruminate every conversation I’ve had in my life trying to pin point what exactly is wrong with me.  I spend countless hours reading about emotional abuse and how to heal from it.  Moreover, I stopped using cell phones because ANY ring tone triggers anxiety and a general feeling of impending doom.  Most mornings, actually, I wake up with that feeling that the worst thing in the world will happen to me today.  After I get out of bed I tell myself that it will be a great day around 100 times while getting ready to leave the house.  If I see a strange car I write down the license plate.  I have nightmares every night.  Sometimes I drive in circles making random turns just to be sure I’m not being followed.  When I go to stores I might have a panic attack and spend 45 minutes in the bathroom convincing myself I can make it through the store, out to the parking lot, into my car, and then back home without anything bad happening to me.   Hmmmmmmm, I’m sure I missed some things but that’s just a run down.  I have flaws.  I have many flaws!!  So sorry I gave everyone the impression that I’m normal!  However, whether I am normal or abnormal it does not change the fact that Narcissists are abnormal.  “A” does not change the reality of “B” here, unfortunately.  I did not mean to give the impression that because narcissists are abnormal that makes me normal, I apologize for the confusion.


Narcissist Problems

October 8, 2016

Dear Narcissist Problems, "Emotionally Blackmailed"

Dear Narcissist Problems,

Hi, I would like to share my current situation with the group anonymously. I believe I may be dating a Sociopath. It started a little over two years ago. We met online and talked for about 2 months before meeting at a local festival. That same day he said "I love you", which was a little soon for me but I went along with it. Within a few months he spoke with my mother and siblings about marrying me. Months went by and I asked him if I could go over and spend the day with his kids. He said he wasn’t ready for that and that he preferred I stay away and respect the privacy of the home. I wasn’t sure why he wanted to marry and yet I wasn’t allowed in his home. A year went by and he still not proposed like he had told my family.

Then he decided he wanted to buy a home and basically created a distraction away from the "wedding". We spent nearly another year searching for a home yet he would find everything wrong with every place we looked at. Finally we had agreed on one home. He decided tonight through his realtor. He called and said the house was ours! He even took me out to shop for furniture and cabinets and flooring. One day I decided to drive by the house and noticed there were people living there. I confronted him and he (of course) made a scene and cried said he didn’t want to disappoint me by telling me we didn’t get the house. I was shocked because he knew all along and still had me out shopping. I didn’t feel like I could trust him anymore. He would threaten me with hurting himself if I left him. Our arguments always somehow ended up being my fault.

 After nearly 2.5 years with him I decided to end the relationship. He disappeared for a few days. Then the messages started. It was his ex-wife asking for me to call his mother because he had jumped out in front of traffic. I called and of course no answer. His mother never called me, all she did was text and I thought it was weird. I went to his job and his employee said he had been there earlier and was not injured. So I knew in that moment it was a lie. Then it got more interesting with his mother texting me telling me he had passed away and planned his funeral. I went to his place of work and confronted him about the huge lie.

He said he just wanted me to feel how he felt when I ended the relationship. That he loved me so much that he couldn't live without me. I changed my number but he found he could still email and is still threatens me with taking pills to end his life. It’s too much. I’m emotionally drained. He has taken what little trust and faith I had left. Too many coincidences too many little things adding up too many BIG lies. I'm know I'm not crazy. Help!


“Emotionally Blackmailed”

Dear “Blackmailed”,

            What a royal mind fuck that guy was!  Excuse my language but dayum!  Can we be sure there really was an ex-wife or children?  Honey, YOU are NOT the CRAZY one!!!  When you first started explaining the situation I was sitting here thinking “we have a common cheater here” and then by the end my mind was spinning to grasp what I had just read.  
        The good news is that you ended the relationship and I’d really like to thank you for sharing this because there is someone out there shopping for furniture and cabinets right now who desperately needed to hear what you went through. 
     The sad part of this situation is that his threats of suicide are clearly tactics he uses to manipulate people.  This is sad because there are people out there who really are suicidal and they might not get help because of people like this.  I have some advice and that is to document all the crazy you can.  One blogger who has experienced a similar situation as the very first sentence in her blog states that;

Self-harm and suicide threats are amongst the most terrifying
 – and effective – manipulation tactics in an abuser’s toolkit.”

     When he sends random threats of suicide call the police or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-8255.  Moreover, continue to go no contact with this emotional blackmailer!  It’s going to be tough but move, change your number, change your job, or leave the planet just don’t go back! 

 I don’t know if the guy is a sociopath but he is clearly disordered!  I'm pretty sure he is using an app that can send a text and make it look like it came from another phone number. I wouldn’t doubt if the ex-wife who called wasn’t him with one of those voice changing apps.  

What do we know about this guy? 1. He has (might have) a wife and kids.  The “ex” is up for debate at this point.  Hell the whole previous marriage is up for debate in my book.  2.  He lied about buying an entire house to the point that you were out shopping for furniture and found out by seeing another family moving in.  3. He threatened suicide and then had a phone call made to you so you would know.  4. He pretended to be his mother and sent you text messages telling you that he was dead as a form of emotional revenge.  I would say that would qualify him as being an experienced abuser who is a master of mind manipulation and emotional blackmail.
  I would go no contact, change your number, and get into trauma therapy. Again, thank you for sharing as I’m sure this will really help someone out there!  Good luck to you on your healing journey!


Narcissist Problems