Sunday, August 2, 2015

Dear Narcissist Problems "Can't get rid of him"


Dear Narcissist Problems,

I need some help... I've followed your page for a while. I recently left a narcissistic person... not gonna say man because he's not. He's also an alcoholic sits there all day drinking beer. He also drives drunk. I should have left sooner but what made me angry and explode was him having his ex slut sending him nudes....I Confronted him... He claims he never replied back but yet messages are still there. I told him we are over as he didn't care about how hurt I was after seeing that... every time I'd talk he'd walk away like a child. Now he's psychologically messing with me. Mentally and emotionally... only issue is here the laws are he's on my lease. And have a child together... he's using that as an excuse to stay... and “work it out" I don't want to... I'm hurt and tired of fighting. And as per keeping the child from him I have every right to since he drinks...but how did you get rid of a narcissistic person for good?

Sincerely,

“Can’t get rid of him”

 

Dear “Can’t get rid of him”,

     How did I get rid of my narcissistic person for good?  It took a battle in court, an extreme amount of documenting the crazy so people would believe me, a restraining order for stalking, moving to another state in the middle of the night so I wouldn’t be followed, driving in circles in the wrong direction in case I was followed, finally ending up at my destination, changing my cell phone number, not using my address on ANYTHING, using a “safe address” for anything court related (trusted friend with no contact with narc/P.O. Box), losing my entire family (except one member thank god), changing my children’s names legally, and living in fear and anxiety for almost two years.  I know the pain you are going through and I am sorry but your question “how did you get rid of a narcissistic person for good?” has one answer there is no easy way to leave a narcissist.  Leaving a narc for good is not something that happens overnight.  It is not an easy task and is going to require an unlimited amount of courage and strength.  Be prepared to lose a lot of people you care about in this process; friends, family, and anyone else the narc knows mutually.  Your first step is going to speak with a family law attorney.  Most attorneys will give you a free consult so you will know where you stand and what steps you need to take.  As for keeping your child from him, you don’t have the right to unless it is court ordered.  If you begin to keep the child from him you will be considered the parental alienator, regardless of his drinking and behavior.  You want to have his bad behavior well documented with police.  The first step is getting him out of your home.  Go speak with your landlord about this situation and a lawyer.  I’m pretty sure there is a way (if you give him legal notice) to have him removed from the lease if you agree to take it on by yourself.  We are never trapped but it takes a lot of leg work to get out of these situations.  You could also make a visit to the local police department to see if they can give any advice on what to do.  I know you say he is a drunk and a cheater but these things alone are not considered abusive.  Drinking around a child is a parenting conflict so call the police and ask them what you should do if he is drinking alone around the child.  You want to be prepared and have a plan.  When you leave a narcissist without a plan you will have hell to pay (you will have hell to pay either way but hell isn’t as hot if you have a plan).  Every step you take will be twisted around to make you look like the bad guy so cross your T’s and dot your I’s.  Don’t leave any detail unchecked or undocumented.  You have a long road ahead of you and if you want to rid yourself of a true narc you better do everything legally and by the book.  Save all his emails and text messages.  Document your conversations.  Call the police if you need to!  Good luck to you and keep us updated on your journey!

Regards,

Narcissist Problems 

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