Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Dear Narcissist Problems, "Issues"


 
 
Dear Narcissist Problems,

My husband is a narcissist and I'm bipolar. I take my meds, workout, and constantly stay busy so I don't feel bad. If things aren't perfect I get criticized. I don't know how much more I can take, I feel like I am suffocating. I have a 3 yr. old w/ him and I don't want to leave, I want him to have both parents. My husband has abandonment issues as well. Things are okay for now, but the weekends are usually horrible. I'm bipolar and I take meds and cycle on the weekends, he knows this. But sometimes I think either he's super anxious cause of it or purposely pushes my buttons cause a low time for me.

I tried to talk to him about how I was worried about him. He said the people that I'm talking about don't have a conscience at all and that he would have already left me if that was the case, he says he loves me no matter what.

Sincerely,

“Issues”

 

Dear “Issues”,

When did you discover that you were bipolar?  Are you sure that maybe you are not in fact just surrounded by an Asshole?  I am not making light of the situation but life with a narcissist can make us act abnormally. Even if we are not acting abnormally we will be labeled with disorders and forced to comply with the label.  Abusers do this when scapegoating and invalidating a victim to others.  An example of this happened to me when my narcissist tried to prove I was an unfit parent in order to gain custody of my children.  They are very convincing when they tell others of your disorder as well, to the point that even you might believe them.  I would feel like I was suffocating as well if I were expected to be perfect all the time.  Narcissists have this wonderful talent where they tell us what they expect of us and then when we deliver they change their expectations.  It might be something as small as leaving a nightlight on in the bathroom.  We are conditioned to remember this night light every night and if we forget all hell will break loose.  Then one day out of the blue, if the narcissist is bored or needs to feed on your emotions, you turn the night light on and then get under the covers ready for bed.  Then the next thing you know you are under the direct fire of a verbal onslaught of how stupid you are because you left the night light on.  You tell the narc that they want the light on every night and this is when you are called crazy.  “I don’t want the light on EVERY NIGHT only on the nights that (fill in the blank)”.  Then you recondition yourself to make sure the night light is off every night and then a couple weeks/months later the same thing occurs.  “I told you to leave the night light on every night! Why are you turning it off?!?!”  Crazy making at its finest.  This could happen with anything; the way you fold towels, vacuum the floor, cook pasta, wash the windows, when you shower, what you wear, and the list goes on.  Maybe your husband criticizes you as a way to get you to abandon him.  Narcissists are great at creating self-fulfilling prophecies.  They create environments that will result in the behavior.  The same thing occurs when they project their feelings onto us.  They will call us names; lazy, pathetic, a slob, Multiple personalities, whore, or crazy and eventually we may feel this way about ourselves/believe it. Normal people want our children to have both parents but being miserable is not a great way for a child to grow up knowing his parents.  Make a list and evaluate the situation, why are you staying, what are the costs/benefits, and how will the current situation effect your child?  I would seek a free consultation with an attorney, document the crazy (even if it seems meaningless), and get into therapy.  Good Luck to you!

Regards,

Narcissist Problems

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