Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Dear Narcissist Problems "Ex School Girl"


 
 
 
 
 
 
Dear Narcissist Problems,

 

I've just come out of a short relationship - 6 months with a narcissist. I knew there were problems very quickly but hoped I might be able to help him - now I know that's not possible. My problem is that he is, if not famous, a moderately successful author who regularly turns up on TV and so on. On this page I'm sure I don't need to explain to you how dangerous he is and what a wealth of prey that 'fame' gives him. He also regularly goes into schools which gives him access to vulnerable young women. Whilst I couldn't say I think he's a pedophile he does have a worrying love of girls in school uniforms and has access to them. What can I do? I can't prove anything and anything I might try will make me look like a sour and bitter ex. He has already succeeded in turning at least one mutual friend against me who has been persuaded that I'm crazy. Any ideas?

I know he likes school girl uniforms as he liked me to dress up in one.

He's a historian, specifically military history but he has quite an interest in crime and is published on the subject of Jack the Ripper. I met him at a JtR conference - not really my area of interest but a friend wanted a companion and paid for me to go with her. He was chairing the conference.

The first sign he was a little off was in the first few weeks when I discovered he'd been sending very flirty messages to the friend as well as to me, having told me we were in a relationship.

The second one, which was a biggy was over Xmas. He became very aggressive and argumentative over me saying it was a pity he hadn't seen his son since August. He was then due to come and stay with my parents on the 27th, which he did. He really didn't have the social skills to deal with the situation but he was quite inappropriate in how he responded to me - very overtly sexual.

He became picky and aggressive over all sorts of things, specifically the fact that I don't like New Year's Eve. On the 3rd of Jan a woman he had told me was an ex and just a friends posted a very long rant that made it clear that she was not an ex and at the time I had met him and had in fact been pregnant by him and not well so staying in the hotel room. Of course, he made out that she was bonkers and wouldn't take no for an answer but I've since seen the exchange of texts he sent on the 27th, which couldn't have been forged because of some of the things said in it and they were very definitely in a relationship. Thank you. He is a creep. Since I first wrote to touch's has published pictures of himself with his latest victim. Poor cow thinks she's got Prince Charming but instead is in the clutches of a conscienceless monster.

Sincerely,

Ex School Girl

 

Dear Ex School Girl,

I met a couple of guys on the internet who would like to meet your ex narc… pic attached.

Unfortunately we all seem to stick around these toxic relationships because we want to help them.  We see someone who is in need of love, support, or care and we jump in and start bailing the water out of a sinking ship.  The problem is that usually we don’t notice the ship is sinking because the person we are trying to “help” is drilling holes in the bottom of the boat.  You are right, it is usually not possible to help people especially if they don’t see a problem with their behavior and have no need or desire to change.  Knowing he is a moderately famous author is going to force me to begin questioning every book I read!  The good news is that you obviously noticed some red flags of dysfunction and/or abuse early on in the game.  Knowing that you ended this relationship at 6 months instead of 6 years makes me feel like the work of spreading awareness of this type of personality disorder is serving its purpose!  Either by your own will and high self-esteem or by running into information of your dysfunctional relationship something happened to make you insightful enough for alarm bells to go off and call it quits with this animal.  While I don’t want to assume the worst and label this guy a sexual predator I do find it rather disturbing that he asked you to role play as a school girl while spending time with school girls. The bad news is that with no proof of his pedophilia there is little that you can do.  The only thing in your control is to protect yourself and all the young girls you know from this monster.  If you do much more than that you might find yourself slapped with a restraining order and a lawsuit.  It’s sick, I know, but that is the way the law works.  You need good evidence, witnesses, and documentation.  You need something that will hold up in a court of law.  For now the most you can do is consider yourself a viable character witness when victims do begin to surface.  If you want more help consider consulting with the local police department.  For all you know there may have been a report filed against him and at least it will give you peace of mind knowing that you did speak up. 

Usually when you call a narcissist out on their bad behavior that is when you are officially declared an enemy and that seems like it may be the case here.  Bringing up his visitation with his son was a blow to the ego as I’m sure he likes people to believe he is father of the year.  If you brought up his sexual behavior that he displayed in front of your parents that was another blow because I am sure he thought he was being very charming.  From what you describe here you were dealing with a typical narcissist and your personalities clashed like the titans!  He manipulates and you confronted, way to go!  Not many of us here can say we had the courage or insight to be so upfront.  The important thing for you to do now is to try to let it go.  Don’t keep updated on his life including his new victims.  If you try to warn the others it will only make you appear insane and infatuated.  You know, like his pregnant crazy ex in the hotel room was.  Don’t be that woman.  So far you seem to have done an amazing job at identifying his special breed of crazy and dealt with it like no other!  Good for you!  It may help to just give yourself time to heal from this experience and keep spreading the awareness of what you have been through with others….who don’t know your narcissist!  Good luck on your healing journey.

Regards,

Narcissist Problems

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