Dear Narcissist Problems,
I need help please. I think I'm being completely emotionally
manipulated. I feel like I've fallen into a dark hole I can't get out of. I met
a guy at work just over a year ago. At first everything was amazing and he was
great. Then for various reasons we decided to move in together. Since we have
been living together he has been having regular mood swings. I now feel like I
never know where I am with him. One day he can be as loving as can be and the
next day he will lash out. I got thrown out of the house on packing day for not
making him a bacon sandwich which he asked for Xmas morning because I was in a
rush to go and see my kids from my previous relationship (they live with their
father, thank goodness. Sometimes he will fly off the handle at me and I'm not
even sure why. He has threatened me, sworn at me, spat in my face twice,
grabbed me and forcibly taken a picture of my stomach calling me fat, stupid,
weak and pathetic. He does this
especially if we are exercising together and I don't do as he says. He has come
at me with his fists then punched the wall, also a mallet and a knife (I hid in
the bathroom). The police have been involved but when they are here he plays
the victim. I ran off once and hid for a week but every time I leave he begs
and pleads with me to return and starts acting how he used to all loving and
everything. He is involved with a mental health team as he has been signed off
work with depression for 12 weeks now. He works in the health industry and is
very knowledgeable of psychology etc. When he has counselling and even when the
crisis team comes out he acts in such a way that they pander to him. I have
left numerous times but each time I find myself returning and apologizing
although most of the time I'm not even sure what for. I've started smoking, I
don't see any of my friends and I don't go anywhere. I lost my job in March due
to being ill with stress. This has been ongoing since Christmas. Sometimes I
return and accept things and have no idea why. It is like he knows all the
buttons to push on me so I behave how he wants. I feel like I'm going crazy. I
have started to question myself and my own sanity and behavior, finding me
blaming myself for things. I keep excusing his behavior saying it must be depression.
He had threatened to kill himself before when I have left, and cut himself once
thereby making me feel bad. I feel totally trapped.
Sincerely,
“Bacon Sandwich Breakfast”
Dear “Bacon Sandwich Breakfast”,
This guy is more than a
manipulator, he is a hurricane! The only
response I have to this is Get out Now!!!
They say that when we bond with people we do so whether the bonding is
positive or negative. I don’t know what
happened in your life prior to this relationship but what you are describing here
is a typical abusive relationship. You
are experiencing emotional abuse when you are degraded and humiliated. You are experiencing physical abuse when he
comes at you with fists and weapons.
What I really want to know is what are you waiting for? Are you waiting for this guy to murder
you? Because eventually he will. With trauma bonding, to my understanding, it
becomes impossible to leave the relationship not because we are weak but
because we think we love this terror we spend our days with. This person is terrorizing you and it’s to
the point that you feel normal in this role.
I am not saying you enjoy being a victim I am saying that you have come
to feel normal with the abuse. A big red
flag of abuse is being isolated from your friends and family. I will not go into any more detail listing
the reasons why you are being abused. I
will just say, you are being abused and you need to get as far away from this guy
as possible. You need to find the
strength to ignore the threats he is making to harm himself because guess
what? Those threats will soon turn into
action and trust me when I say, if those threats are carried out you will most
likely be physically harmed in the process.
You need to document these threats and call the authorities on him. Document all the crazy. Please contact your local court house and get
in touch with a domestic violence advocate.
Yes, thank god your child is not there to witness this but your child
also does not need to witness the shell of a person his mother is
becoming. Read up on the red flags of
abuse. Have conversations with others
who have gone through abuse, get counseling, and join some support groups. There is no question about the
manipulation. Yes you are being
manipulated and you were groomed to accept this abuse. Take a lot of time to work on you before
getting into a new relationship after this.
Find out what made you attracted to this person in the first place and
what made you stay. This relationship
will eventually kill you. You do not
have time to consider what I have said here.
Let the hair on the back of your neck raise up, your heart start
pumping, and your instinct to take flight come over you. Do not ignore your gut and do not ignore this
warning. If you do not leave this person
as soon as you read this response tomorrow might be too late. GET. OUT. NOW. You need to disappear because
his rage when he finds out you are gone will not simmer down so document the
crazy and do not hesitate to contact the police! We are talking about your life. You do not have any more time to sit around
and wonder what you should be doing because if you do it could be the death of
you.
Regards,
Narcissist
Problems
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